Gun Shy

And now it's time

for "the gig of life."

What's hot, what's not

in the world of rock.

Remember metal assassin

led by Chilean-born Turk Enry?

At the time

of their tender breakout hit

"teenage ass patrol"...

they seemed unstoppable,

until they stopped.

The band kicked Turk out when

he met his very own Yoko Ono.

Her name was Sheila,

and Turk began

a long fade to black

whilst his ex-Bandmates

released Neptune of cock.

It sold in the millions.

Turk, by contrast, was enjoying

external tours off his body.

Now a recluse,

Turk has reportedly

not left his Malibu mansion

in over two years,

which qualifies him

for this week's

down and out celebrity in rock.

- Sheila!

Speak English, Pepito.

You know perfectly well

I don't speak Spanish.

I'm English from London,

remember?

- Okay, can I help, sir?

- Yes. Yes, you could help me.

I need to throw this TV

- into the pool!

- que?

This TV set

into the swimming pool!

- Yeah, okay. Okay.

- Okay? Okay?

Sheila!

Would you like to check

the guarantee first?

Sheila!

I'm up here packing

for our trip to Chile!

- Sheila.

- Yes, Turk?

I have decided

I don't want to go on vacation.

Vacations are too stressful.

Oh, but we're going there so that I

can learn more about your culture.

But Chile's not my home.

I can't even speak Spanish.

You mean you won't

even speak Spanish.

Come on.

They love you back there.

Your picture's on every wall.

Well, but I was young

then, you know?

Sorry... younger than now,

where I'm also young.

And we need some time alone.

You know, no assistants,

no bodyguards, no drivers.

No nobody. Just us.

Maybe you'll get inspired.

Maybe you'll

start writing again.

Oh, no, my chair is here.

I want to sit in my chair.

- I love my chair!

- Oh!

Fine! You can stay

if you get rid of that hunk of junk

that's been rotting in our front yard.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

That Van is a reminder

of how far I have come.

You know, it keeps me down to earth.

Be careful there!

Well, yeah, of course.

It keeps you down to earth.

You just got a delivery

of a crate of beer

that says

it was brewed in space.

So we keep the Van, right?

- Fine!

- Yeah.

Chile it is.

Besides, I have already

been back to Chile, you know?

That was on tour!

That doesn't count!

What?

When I was on tour there,

I got so drunk

in a bar in Valparaiso

that I had a piss

that lasted seven minutes.

You know, the owner

was so impressed,

he told me he would build a

statue to commemorate it.

- That's great.

- Yeah.

So we'll go and visit

the shrine to your piss.

- Yeah?

- Go and pack.

Uh, I have already packed.

Then go and watch TV.

We're in Chile!

Oh, baby, baby.

Look, look!

Look, the trains

in Chile are blue!

See?

Baby! Baby!

- Gracias!

- Gracias!

Where is

your assistance? Turk!

Why is this place so empty?

Hey, hey, uh, lady.

Why it's so cold here?

It's winter, sir.

I'm not good with months,

but it's July, right?

I don't speak Spanish.

I am English,

so I do speak beer,

and, yes, I would love one.

- Beer.

- Yes, indeed.

Beer is always in season.

Turk!

- I'm here!

- Oh, sh*t.

- Baby.

- Hey, hey, hey.

You knew it was winter.

Yeah, it's July.

In Chile, July is winter.

- July is summer.

- Who's your new friend?

Oh. He's, uh,

my new manager, you know.

I'm gonna fire John.

This little dude over here can

get me everything I need now.

- Beer.

- He just gets me. All right.

- Yeah, okay.

We have to get going.

We leave in six minutes.

Do you wanna come

on a beautiful, breathtaking,

once-in-a-lifetime hike

through the mountains

with your loving wife,

or do you wanna lie here alone

in the cold and drink beer?

Beer.

He makes a compelling argument.

Where is

your sense of adventure?

Well, I have done

three world tours.

I'm told they were very...

- Eventful.

- Please, Turk.

You need to do something.

The band's over, not your life.

Well, yeah,

you better get going.

Your trip leaves

in, like, three minutes.

- Yeah, sure. I get it.

- Good.

I get that you don't

like anything anymore.

- Oh, no.

- But do you at least like me?

Huh? Be honest.

- Yeah.

- Am I Yoko Ono?

Of course not.

Babe.

I'll see you when you get back.

I love you. Have fun.

Well, have fun.

Beer time.

Give it to me.

Yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Enry won't be joining us.

- Thank you, ma'am.

- Thanks.

No, no. Oh.

This is my better side.

- Hello.

- Hello.

You know you shouldn't tip them.

Yeah, you can't let them think

that they can earn money

just by being nice.

Are you excited

about the llamas?

Me and Charlie cannot

wait to see the llamas.

Oh, I can give

or take the llamas.

Oh, Charlie, you bloody fibber.

He wouldn't stop talking

about them back at the hotel.

Amy,

let's start

a Facebook live feed.

Here we are.

Seores, seoras.

Bienvenidos. Welcome.

As we make our way up the trail,

please be careful

not to startle the llamas, okay?

They don't take it very well.

Can you say something

really ethnic?

Oh! I don't think we say

the word "ethnic" anymore.

Guys! Guys! The llamas,

they're here, okay?

Just come, be quiet.

Charlie, don't get too excited.

Remember what happened

with that kangaroo.

Wow!

So beautiful!

Damn right.

God, it's fur is gonna look

gorgeous as a rug in my den.

What? What are you doing?

I thought this was

a sightseeing tour?

Well, you... you pay, you see,

you shoot, you whatever.

Why would you want

to shoot these creatures?

What is wrong with you?

We came all the way down here

to the inferior hemisphere.

We're definitely gonna

shoot something.

I'm not gonna let you do this.

I don't think

you can stop us, honey.

Yeah.

Shoo! Shoo!

Get out of here!

These are bad people!

Bad, bad people!

All right, darlin',

we warned ya.

Now get outta the way

before we fire.

Well, looky here.

A perfect bathmat.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh, my god!

What are they saying?

They say,

"we want the white people."

Okay.

Wait! Are you

just gonna leave us?!

Yes! Goodbye!

Do you have any idea who I am?

Any idea at all?

I am only

the CEO of Dynet media!

World leader in viral marketing.

Ring any bells?

- Huh?

You don't even know what

viral marketing is, do you?

Ah, be quiet and get up!

I will not get up.

I shall not get up, either.

There's a reason

they keep you people down here

in the bottom of the planet.

Now, I have come to this toilet

of a country to shoot a llama,

and by god, I am going

to shoot a llama!

Never mess with a llama.

Don't mistake

their benevolence for weakness.

They are a proud beast.

- Vamos. Vamos.

- No!

Hey! Come.

Well, that wasn't very long

for the llamas, was it?

Oh, wow. Look at that.

That's what I have to deal with

on a day-to-day basis.

Do you see what she's doing?

- Sandrine, are you still there?

- Yes, love.

Oh.

Do you know where we are?

No, love.

I've got a bag on my head.

Oh, me too.

Heh. You wouldn't know it,

but, uh, I used to be famous.

I was in a rock band.

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