Gun Shy Page #2

Hey, yeah!

You're a natural, man.

Boop.

Yeah. And the one thing

that people don't say

to people

in rock bands is, uh, no.

Well, a long story short,

I was diagnosed

with a sex addiction.

I went to rehab.

I was ready to leave, and, uh...

But then I met Sheila,

you know...

The woman that is

always mad with me.

I'll tell you, she saved me.

She pulled me back

from the brink...

And my old life.

All that old stuff

that I used to do, and, uh...

- Beer.

- Why not? Yeah!

While the cat is away.

Give it to me. Yeah.

Ahh.

Whew!

Get her passport.

You seem very nervous...

- Sandrine.

- It's just, um,

it's our first time

being kidnapped.

We don't want to get it wrong.

- Do we, Charlie?

- No.

You're doing just fine.

I run a top quality double

glazing company back in London,

and if we could pay the

ransom in windows...

French windows.

We do French windows, too.

Charlie, shh.

Hmm.

You like the British band

metal assassin?

Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Turk Enry is a god.

You...

Are Turk Enry's wife.

Oh, sh*t.

Yeah!

- Whoo!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Sheila, Sheila.

Things are looking up.

Ohh!

When I was five years old,

I had a pet cat.

It was a Siamese cat.

I loved him very much.

His name was Nomo.

Like the baseball player?

Exactly

like the baseball player,

except my Nomo

was run over by a car, dead.

I took the body,

sealed it in a plastic bag,

put it in the family trashcan,

and five long,

hot summer days later,

the stench coming out of

that can was unbelievable.

That's what your town

smells like to me.

Do you know why

I like snakes, Ramon?

No. I don't

think anyone does.

Because they're so clean.

And they can shed their skin.

I wish I could shed my skin.

I would just take it

all right off right here.

Snakes and I

have that in common.

You know what else

we have in common?

You can dislocate your jaw?

We can only thrive

in certain environments.

We need to be in a safe place

in order to be the dominant killing

machines that we're meant to be.

What I'm trying to say is

I need to get out of this

pestilent colonial dump.

I'm wasted.

Ah!

Here it is.

What is it?

A Taser gun. They wouldn't

authorize issue,

so I just bought one myself.

- Ah. A toy one?

- No, it's a real one.

Look, "shock your friends

with 20,000 volts.

Be your own

real-life dirty Barry."

I'm sure that's just a misprint.

Oh, very impressive, sir.

Chile is a safer place today.

Open this.

It's hurting my gums.

This is the hotel manager.

It's an emergency!

What?!

Ohm. Ohm. Ohm.

Excuse me.

May I come in?

All right. Come in.

I'm sorry, sir.

I've been ringing you over and

over again without an answer.

You better be telling me that

it's the end of the world,

or that someone

kidnapped my wife.

Someone has kidnapped your wife.

Exactly. You better

be telling me that.

Someone has kidnapped your wife.

They're asking

for a million dollars.

Oh! Oh! Oh, thank god.

I thought they'd be asking

for a lot of money.

John Hardigger's office,

this is Marybeth.

Hey, Marybeth.

It's Turk.

I need to speak to John.

Turk!

Ohh!

Well, John's in a meeting.

Who is he with that is

more important than me?

Right now, Turk, everyone.

Uh, well, he's in a meeting

with the lead singer

of masculine Harmony right now

trying to convince him

to stay in the closet.

We all want to be gay,

Steve. All of us.

No women telling us what to do,

great fashion sense.

You can seemingly grab

women's breasts Willy-nilly,

and it's apparently fine.

But I just don't see

that working for you

in the context

of the music industry.

Look, think about it.

Which would you rather have...

The freedom to love whoever

you choose or loads of cash?

Can I help you?

Tell John that Sheila

has been kidnapped

and they need a million dollars!

Well, I don't need John.

I wouldn't even wake him up

for a million dollars.

That's what I said!

Listen, this has to stay

between the three of us, okay?

Or they say they'll kill her.

I need the money,

like, right now!

Is that understood?

Can you handle it?

- I'm on it. I'm on it.

- And tell John

to f*** off for never

answering my calls anymore.

Okay, tell John you need a million

dollars for his kidnapped wife,

keep it a secret,

and to f*** off. Got it.

Bye. Bye. Yeah, yeah.

That's it.

Have you heard of the Gatos?

Doesn't that mean cats?

It does. In Chile,

that's what we call our pirates.

They are former fisherman who were

crowded out by big companies.

You see, in this country,

a few wealthy people like you,

they own and control everything,

even the licenses

of who can fish.

That is why this village

that we're in now,

once thriving with the life

and laughter of families,

now lies empty.

Now the Gatos rob the big boats

to get their fish back.

What I do have is my crew,

and what I do not have

is a ship.

So, you see, that's why

you're here, unfortunately.

I, too, like the Gatos,

had to make the choice

between starving

and this dangerous life you see.

Listen, when I was modeling, I had

to skip meals all the time, too.

Okay, here's the deal.

Some foreigners

have been kidnapped

- in cerro la cam...

- Campana.

But one of them is a celebrity.

Oh! What? What? What?

A movie star?

- Who is it?

- Okay, listen.

We've gotta keep this on the qt.

Not even the legal attach finds out

about it until I've checked it out.

Everything is on qt. Got it.

Where is qt?

You don't know what qt means?

Mm-mmm.

I learn English

at night school, sir.

- I almost did ceramics.

- It means quiet.

Mm-mmm. Ceramics means pots.

No, qt means quiet.

Oh. I see.

It's almost onomatopoeic?

You know onomatopoeic,

but you don't know qt?

I did not set the curriculum.

Okay, listen. This could be a

straightforward case of kidnapping,

or it could be something

a little more sinister,

like terrorist activity.

Terrorists? Here?

It would be

to my advantage if it were.

It would help me get

a position in Washington.

Do you have a shower here?

I'd love to clean up.

I will be just outside the door.

How you getting on in there?

I'm fine, thanks!

- Ooh!

Finished showering, I see.

How long exactly

have you guys been pirates?

Almost nine hours.

Are you the concierge?

That's the lighter

that doesn't work.

No, Mr. Turk,

I am federal agent Harding.

Enry.

No, Harding. Ben Harding.

I am Enry.

- Oh, I thought it was Turk.

- Turk Enry.

- Oh.

- Please, take a seat.

Uh, listen, Mr. Enry,

American three-letter agencies

are already

at work on your case.

- You should expect them to...

- Well, you know, my manager

is taking care of everything.

It won't take long,

and I'm sorry we have

wasted your time.

Mr. Enry, there are

some things we need to discuss.

I'm concerned they're

asking for so much money.

One million. Uh, do you think

that's a lot of money?

Well, you know, I once bought a

giant "Tor-toys" for 2 million.

I thought I could ride up

the street, you know,

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