Gun Shy Page #3

like the king of tortoises,

but, uh, that thing

barely bloody moved.

You could use the back

of it as a table.

We believe this is the work

of a terrorist cell.

- Terrorists?

- We heard some chatter

from the aggregate homeland/NSA.

Metadata harvesting machines

up in outer space.

Now, it's classified

for your safety.

Screw it. You know,

it makes no difference.

I'll pay the money,

I get Sheila back,

and maybe next time,

she'll think twice

before flying us

to exotic places.

Maybe you don't understand me.

The United States government

does not negotiate

with terrorists,

and we cannot allow you

to fund them.

I'm not starting

an indiegogo for Isis.

I'm getting my wife back.

Imagine what those savages

could do with a million dollars.

Yeah, they could buy

half a giant tortoise.

What's a "Tor-toys"?

- It's a big animal with a shell.

- So it's a turtle.

Luis was a bus boy.

Diego was a school teacher.

We all wanted something more.

When you're poor,

people take from you

until you can't take it anymore,

and then you take back.

That is freedom.

What's the matter?

Diego is saying he's

putting on too much weight

and can we please

cut the carbs in the meal.

He is one fat f***er!

Get out!

Come on.

Turk!

John says, and I quote,

"you can tell

that U.S. government tool

that if they think they can keep

you from getting your wife back,

they're gonna have every media

outlet in the known bloody universe

climbing up their asses."

Last thing we need to do

is keep this on the qt.

Did...

Did John really say that?

He would have

if he'd read my emails.

Normal people do this every day.

It's as simple

as opening a beer.

Well, who is bringing the money?

The money's at the bank.

You just need

to go and pick it up.

Me?

Why do I have to do it?

Can I... can I...

Can I pay someone to do it?

I-I-i don't,

you know, do things.

You'll be fine.

It's a trip to the bank.

Here, this is how

you throw a punch.

John should be here.

Pick up the money,

wait for the kidnappers.

Nothing to worry about.

I am bloody terrified.

It will all be over soon.

I promise.

And I'll keep trying to reach

John, but you don't need him.

Sh*t!

What did she call me?

Tool.

Here's your taxi, sir.

Uh, wait, wait, wait.

Pedicab. All right.

Welcome to Banco Nacional,

Mr. Enry.

Everything is ready for you.

Very good. Very good.

Excellent.

Please.

Whoa! That's it?

Mm-hmm.

It seems that a million dollars

cash should look more, um...

Dramatic.

Well, hey, everything else

in the world

is just disappointing,

so why not this?

Mr. Enry, you must count it.

Oh, the main reason

I became a musician

was because

we only count to four.

- Ah.

Okay.

Um...

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

And one, two, and...

Perfect.

Mr. Enry, I'm sorry. I can't

let you take that money.

What money?

I am just a man going out

for a walk with, uh...

With his suitcase.

This is a matter

of national security.

No, no, no, no, no.

Mr. Enry, I could have you arrested

for violating the patriot act.

The press will get wind of this,

your wife will be

in even more trouble.

Now just stop it.

Just relax.

Take a Quaalude.

You don't have to save the day.

Somebody else

will do it for you.

Uh... well, yeah.

Maybe you're right. Yeah.

Yes. That's the spirit.

I'm comin' for you, Turk Enry!

Oh, no!

Move it!

Oh ho!

Out!

Oh ho!

Ow!

What the f*** am I doing?

Out! Get out!

No!

No!

- Out!

Oh, my god.

He actually did it.

This is so cool!

Oh!

Please, please, don't arrest me.

Don't arrest me

in front of... of... of me.

Okay. I'm going

to impound the money,

you're gonna stay in your hotel,

and consider yourself

lucky I don't arrest you.

Oh, am I supposed

to say thank you?

Okay, then, thank you,

you colossal prick!

You know I need that money

to rescue my wife!

I can have you arrested for

violating the espionage act,

for aiding, abetting, and

communicating with the enemy.

Now, even your high-priced

attorney can't help you

when I ship you off to Gitmo.

Good day, sir.

Ahh!

It feels good to speak Spanish.

Fifty minutes Cardio,

Fifty minutes Pilates,

starting at 6:
00

every morning.

I can give you a detailed plan.

Plus you need to show strength.

You're a pirate captain.

Yeah. Yeah, tell me...

Tell me more about that.

Excuse me, um...

I'll speak to my crew.

Oh.

Hi.

A show of strength it is.

What do I do now?

They won't let me

pay the ransom.

I can't rescue Sheila.

A beer?

You are so right.

I'll call my manager.

I'm a freakin' rock star.

I don't have

to get my hands dirty.

I pay 10% on everything I earn

so someone else can get my wife

out of hostage situations.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on, hold on,

hold on, hold on.

I can't call John up,

and Harding has

definitely tapped my phone.

That's how he knew

I was at the bank.

You are so sharp, boy.

John Hardigger's office.

Really? I can't even

get John at 3 A.M.?

All right, Marybeth...

Listen carefully, all right?

My phone is tapped.

Why? You're the most irrelevant

person I know right now.

Just write it down.

I'm speaking in code.

Slots and roulette.

Slots and roulette.

Good at making friends.

Good at making friends.

John Mayer's sixth album...

Paradise valley.

- But in Spanish.

- But in Spanish.

My grandmother's homeland.

Will you remember

what I said tonight?

What I said tonight.

Good. Bye.

Casino.

Social.

Valle Paraiso.

Chile.

Bob Dylan.

The first line

of "tomorrow night."

Casino social...

Valparaiso Chile...

Tomorrow.

Sh*t.

I'm going to south America.

Oh, but where are we going?

We've been walking

for bloody hours.

And we're both wearing crocs.

They are not a hiking shoe.

Look, if you're gonna kill

us, just do it, all right?

Just do it.

Just bloody do it!

Oh. You don't have to be

so enthusiastic, Sandy.

I mean, you don't have to do it.

You really don't.

Buenos noches.

That means good night.

Oh, this is it, then.

- Oh, god!

- I want you to know

I've always been

faithful to you.

I know, love.

- Do you want to say it back to me?

- What, love?

That you've been faithful.

- In body or in mind, Charlie?

- What?

Well they're

two different things.

Well, just the body thing.

Bloody hell, Charlie!

Captain?

Where have they bloody gone?

God. This is the worst

holiday we've been on.

What, worse than Scotland?

No, not worse than Scotland.

That bloody awful breakfast bar.

Oh! Where were you?

You just leave me all tied

up here with seor carbs?

All right, Sheila, Sheila, Sheila,

I understand you're upset,

and this is not

very comfortable for you,

but soon you can go back to being the

pampered wife of a retired rock star.

Excuse me?

He is the pampered husband

of a retired supermodel.

Maybe you're right.

I'm just a rock star's wife now.

Hmm.

He's agreed to pay the ransom.

Of course he's going

to pay the ransom.

We're married.

And we only have each other now.

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