Gypsy 83 Page #3

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and make your big comeback.

Oh, my God. lts brilliant.

lm...

lm fift...

for...

Lets just say

l am no spring chicken.

Seriously, youd be

totally cutting-edge.

l could photograph

your album covers...

and design your costume.

l have a life here, sweetie.

So did we.

The return

of Miss Bambi LeBleau.

What have you got to lose?

Really. l mean,

youre a singer.

F***.

Singers are meant to sing.

Let me think about it.

- Yes!

- OK.

You think about it,

but lm going to New York...

first thing

in the morning, so...

But right now,

l really have to pee.

Through the bedroom,

first door on the right.

May l have this dance?

Enchante.

Sorry about that.

Guess what.

Bambi said yes.

Are you sure its OK?

Yeah. lts awesome.

This is gonna be so cool.

Try as we may, l guess

the dream never dies.

Does it?

No, l guess it doesnt.

- What happened?

- Dont worry about it.

- l loved her.

- Me, too.

Then what is your problem?

Youre going the wrong way.

Where are you going?

Home.

This was stupid.

Your ass belongs

back in school.

Turn around...please.

F***. F***.

The night that Velvet left...

dad just didnt know

how to deal, you know.

So he looked me

straight in the eye...

and he said,

Your mother left us...

because she loved her dreams

more than she loved us.

Bambi never had a hit.

Shes a drunk.

She rolled the dice,

and she came up bust.

Just like Velvet.

Bingo.

So you abandoned her

like Velvet did you?

Maybe l refuse to give up

my life for a pipedream.

Were going home now.

Dad and Lois

must be worried sick.

Theyre grownups. They can

take care of themselves.

lm not doing it

to my dad again. Get in the car.

What happened at talent night?

Excuse me?

ln third grade.

Screw you.

No. Gypsy, please.

Just tell me.

All right.

Spring jubilee, talent night.

Velvet taught me one

of her favorite Stevie songs.

We practiced for weeks.

And dad showed me

the chords on the guitar.

Anyway...a week before

my big debut...

Velvet splits.

But l go through

with it anyway...

because shes gonna show,

right? l mean...

Shes got to show.

So...

all the cutesie little

kiddies...

and their perfect

mommies and daddies are there.

And l get up on the stage...

singing and playing

my little guitar...

And l pissed my dress.

lt ran down my leg

and dripped off the stage.

And some guy with a mop

came out...

and told me to get back

to the audience...

and go find my mom.

Come here, sweetie.

Cool. Pick him up.

- Are you kidding?

- Come on. The Amish rock.

Hello.

lm Zachariah.

lm running away.

OK.

So, Zachariah, have you ever

been in a car before?

Never one this radical.

Do either of you

have a cigarette?

You can smoke?

As of this moment, l can do

anything l damn well please.

So, you running from something?

Conformity.

Boredom.

And cows.

May l pump?

Sure.

Awesome.

What do l do?

OK, no problem.

First, you unscrew

the gas cap, like so.

On some cars, theres a button

on the inside...

you have to press to unlock it,

but this is an older model.

And then you make

your octane selection.

Were on a budget,

so well use this one.

And then you put it

in the hole...

and you simply pump away.

Yeah.

l really like your clothes.

lm dying to get out of mine.

Hes gorgeous.

Come on, man.

So is Norman Bates.

l know l would kill

for that hat.

When you were walking

over here...

l think l saw him

staring at your ass.

- Shut up.

- lm not kidding.

Just my luck--an Amish sodomist.

Go for it.

What are you looking at?

Damn, honey, l dont know.

You ask them.

Are you guys some kind

of dragon queens or something?

- lm sorry?

- Dont even bother.

Look, honey, an Amish.

You people sure make

a kick-ass pie.

Thats some good-eating pie.

What the f***?

F***ing perverts.

Look. Check it out.

Were hungry, mommy.

l am starving.

Anything in particular?

May l make a request?

Eat your Whopper

before it gets cold.

Whopper? Oh, yes. Thank you.

l have a secret confession.

l was a fast-food virgin.

l have a secret

confession, too.

Yeah? What is it?

OK. lve never really

said this to anyone before...

but...lm kind of a virgin, too.

What?

Normally lm really not

this forward...

but the light is so beautiful

right now...

and lm a little tipsy,

and l...

l think youre

the most beautiful man...

that lve ever seen.

Me?

lm flattered, but...

Oh, God.

lm sorry.

He does this. lts OK.

Hell be back.

Who are you

f***ing girls pledging?

Sir, Sigma Alpha Sigma, sir.

Excuse me?

Sir, Sigma Alpha

f***ing Sigma, sir.

Thats better.

Troy, you want to crash here?

Right on.

OK, guys. Get up. Up!

March. Go.

After a bottle of this...

our asses are camping

right here tonight.

Absinthe--the green fairy.

- Hey.

- Hey.

So, where are your robots?

Theyre in the camper.

l needed a break from them.

Yeah, l bet you did.

Hi.

This stuff completely f***ed me.

Who the f*** was that?

l dont know.

Wait, wait.

Could you leave it on?

OK.

OK. lts OK.

OK.

Hey.

Hey, there.

OK, l think theres...

some kind of twisted fag

sex ring going on here.

Really?

That guy just looked at us...

like he wanted to peel off

our boxer shorts...

and eat us for breakfast.

That is so wrong.

This is a public place.

Damn queers, man.

Yeah.

You cant trust the...

l dont even wear boxers.

What is that?

lts a ring.

lm so f***ing trashed.

You are so beautiful.

You dont even know it.

Look at me.

You gonna be all right?

l can go all by myself

now, daddy.

lm a big boy now.

lll be right out here

if you need me.

Just think,

this time tomorrow...

well be in New York City.

The Big Apple.

God, l was so f***ing nervous

about the audition.

We are talking

killer stage fright.

But now that l know

youre gonna be there...

Buzz-buzz.

Glamour-glamour.

Were closed.

l guess we better

put our clothes on.

You make me feel warm.

Dont forget me.

OK.

No one has ever

touched me like you.

l just wanted you

to know that.

OK, l know it.

Forgive me, Gypsy.

l thought

this was what l wanted.

l dont understand.

lm going back.

Back?

Home.

l am so, so sorry.

What did l do wrong?

Nothing.

No, you know what?

lm not gonna let you.

lm married.

And were gonna have a baby.

l will never forget you.

Youre just like

all the rest, huh?

F***ing throw me

in the garbage.

Do me a favor.

The next time you want

some p*ssy on the side...

you can f***

a goddamn sheep...

and leave us women alone.

Get out!

Hey, baby.

How was it?

Where is he?

Why cant they all

be like you?

You OK?

Whats wrong?

Wheres Troy?

You hooked up with him.

Oh, my God.

l thought l would have

been petrified...

but l just dove

right in there.

You said you werent even

into him. l dont believe this.

You were so right

about the thumb thing.

This is great.

This is just

f***ing sterling.

Whats wrong with you?

Now you can go join

the fag club...

get a tan, big muscles...

some gorgeous boyfriend.

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