Hail, Caesar! Page #7

There are two men waiting inside. The one at the door is

middle-aged, with sad eyes: He is John Howard Herman.

The deeper man is the room is heavy-set, and in a cheap suit

not freshly pressed. Near him, a springer spaniel frantically

spins in place yapping, excited to have visitors.

MAN:

Quiet, Engels!

37.

When the goon has passed with his Roman cargo the sad-eyed

John Howard Herman swings the door toward us, filling the

lens.

INT. EDDIE’S OFFICE - DAY

On the other side of Eddie’s desk is producer Walt Dubrow.

DUBROW:

Stall?! For how long? What do I

tell the director?

EDDIE:

That we’re looking for him. But we

don’t want it in the gossip

columns——Baird on a bender or in a

love nest or wherever we end up

finding him. As far as the set is

concerned it’s business as usual.

Tell the A.D. Baird is out briefly

with a high ankle sprain.

DUBROW:

Fine, but what do we shoot without

him? We got the brasier scene up

this afternoon.

EDDIE:

Could you get through it shooting

around him?——Maybe use his stunt

double, Chunk Mulligan.

DUBROW:

Chunk can’t act.

EDDIE:

Get the writer to trim his

speeches.

DUBROW:

Well, maybe, but then what? All we

got left is the final

scene——Autolochus’s speech at the

feet of the penitent thief.

Eddie grimaces.

EDDIE:

Uh-huh.

DUBROW:

It’s the emotional climax of the

entire picture!

(MORE)

38.

DUBROW (CONT'D)

We have to see that Autolochus has

absorbed the message of the Christ!

EDDIE:

Yeah, I can see that.

DUBROW:

We need Baird’s star power, his

charisma.

A wave of Eddie’s hand communicates the ineffable:

EDDIE:

Sure, his emotional, uh——

DUBROW:

This can’t be faked! This is the

heart and soul of the picture!

EDDIE:

I understand——

DUBROW:

End of the movie, we can’t give

that speech to some——some——some

Roman schmoe!

EDDIE:

Yeah, yeah I got it. But his

benders can last a day or two——what

does it cost to shut down?

DUBROW:

Plenty. You know how big the

picture is, we’re on Stages 5 and

14, if we’re carrying everybody in

the last scene who’s up on

crucifixes that’s three-forty an

hour hardship pay eight hour

minimum——

EDDIE:

Yeah yeah.

(his phone buzzes; he

punches the button)

Not now.

DUBROW:

——not to mention we lose Todd

Hocheiser to Fox at the end of the

week.

39.

EDDIE:

Shoulda made him exclusive; who

knew.

(another buzz from the

phone)

Not now!

NATALIE’S VOICE

It’s Mr. Laurentz, Mr. Mannix! I

can’t stop him!

The door bursts open and Laurence Laurentz storms in. Natalie

has trailed him to the door, where she hovers.

EDDIE:

It’s all right, Natalie. Okay Walt,

lemme know——

LAURENCE LAURENTZ

Mannix, I won’t have it! For two

decades the name “Laurence

Laurentz” has meant something to

the public!

EDDIE:

What’s on your mind, uh...

Laurence?

LAURENCE LAURENTZ

Hobie Doyle cannot act!

EDDIE:

Hobart Doyle is one of the biggest

movie stars in the world.

LAURENCE LAURENTZ

On horseback! But this is drama,

Mannix——real drama, an adaptation

of a Broadway smash! It requires

the skills of a trained thespian,

not a rodeo clown. I begged you for

Lunt!

Natalie has been hesitant to butt in:

NATALIE:

Mr. Mannix, I’m sorry but——you

wanted me to make sure you didn’t

miss your lunch at the Imperial

Gardens. You never told me who

with.

40.

EDDIE:

Right.

(looks at watch, grimaces)

Nuts. Look:
no one wants to see

Lunt. We’re not recasting; this

came from Mr. Schenk himself: it’s

Hobie Doyle. Is the boy game?

LAURENCE LAURENTZ

Oh, he’s game. And gamey!

EDDIE:

If he needs help it's your job to

help him. I’ll have a talk with

Hobie and take a look at what

you’ve shot——but right now I’ve got

a lunch.

INT. MALIBU HOUSE - DAY

BLACK:

The pounding of surf fades up, the sound close but somewhat

muffled by interior perspective.

We are fading up wide on Baird Whitlock, lying on his back,

still unconscious. He lies on a patio chaise lounge made of

thin plastic tubing stretched across an aluminum frame. We

are in a storeroom, the chaise being the room’s only piece of

furniture.

A muffled ding-dong from the front of the house. We hear the

springer spaniel, stirred by the bell to yapping.

With much plastic-squeaking Baird rolls onto his side and

nestles his head into the chaise’s tubing-upholstery. In his

sleep he murmurs:

BAIRD:

What truth to these mutterings,

Sestimus...

He subsides to snoring.

INT. MALIBU HOUSE - DAY

MAIN ROOM:

The sad-eyed man, John Howard Herman is opening the front

door to several visitors. The first visitor enters: murmured

greetings, solemn handshake. Another man, another sober

handshake.

41.

Then an elderly man in tweeds clutching his pipe, the

greeting for him especially deferential. Then a man with a

briefcase; he sets it down so that he may greet by means of a

hug. He picks up the briefcase, makes way for the next man.

A counter separates the entryway from a small kitchen. In it,

the man we saw shushing the dog when Baird was brought in is

carefully cutting the crusts off of finger sandwiches and

stacking them on a platter.

As the dog yaps in a frenzy of delight at all the visitors,

the man reacts without looking up:

MAN:

Quiet, Engels!

INT. IMPERIAL GARDENS - DAY

A gong stings the cut to the interior of this Chinese

restaurant.

Arthur Fung, a grave-looking man in a dark suit and

conservative tie, greets Eddie Mannix.

ARTHUR FUNG:

How pleasant to see you, Mr.

Mannix, your table is right over

here.

EDDIE:

Thank you, Arthur.

They splash through a curtain of beads to approach a booth at

which another man sits, a drink with an umbrella before him,

an ashtray and an Imperial Gardens matchbook next to it, a

cigarette in his hand. He rises to shake.

MAN:

How ya doing, Mannix.

EDDIE:

Mr. Cuddahy.

CUDDAHY:

Mix a hell of a mai-tai. I like

this place.

The men seat themselves facing each other.

EDDIE:

Sorry to keep you hanging——it’s a

tough decision.

42.

CUDDAHY:

Nothing to apologize for——we said

the offer was on the table for a

week.

Cuddahy has noted Eddie eyeing his cigarettes. He picks up

the pack and offers with a hitch of the wrist that sends four

cigarettes nosing out of the top of the foil.

CUDDAHY (CONT’D)

Go ahead.

EDDIE:

Nah, I’m... I’ve been trying to...

CUDDAHY:

The deadline was tomorrow, but,

frankly, we were surprised not to

get a quick yes. I just wanted to

see if there was some impediment we

could help with, or if something in

the offer isn’t clear?

EDDIE:

The offer’s very clear. And very

generous.

CUDDAHY:

We want to make it easy for you to

say yes. Look Mannix, we need a guy

with your talents in management,

problem-solving. And you need to

think about the future. Lockheed is

booming——it’s reflected in the

offer we made you. Everyone is

riding in airplanes, and we’re

moving into jet airplanes. It’s a

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote