Half Baked Page #7

You know, if you want to double

your profits, you should rob that lab.

Tomorrow's Sunday.

There'll be no one in there.

Just go in and rob

the place blind.

lt'll work, l promise you.

Hey, uh, seein' as how

we don't know who you are,

are you plannin'

on movin' out anytime soon ?

Thurgood, why don't you just

focus on one thing at a time ?

l'll be fine. The robbery

is what's important now.

Phase One is complete, yo.

-

- All right.

Now all we gotta do is go down this

hatch to the second-floor supply room.

Grab all the weed you can grab,

and we are outta here !

Sick, man !

This is it ?

Let's do it.

Watch your step.

- You didn't say nothin'

about no door, yo.

- Chill out, man.

l smoke weed here all the time.

This door's never locked.

-

- l didn't say the alarm would be off.

- l said it never locked.

- Well, hurry, yo !

You guys, wait up !

Oh.

-

- Hold up !

- lsn't that Thurgood, the custodian ?

- Yeah.

- Want me to call the cops ?

- No. This is too much fun.

Right over here !

Come on !

l hope there's some left.

Maui Wowie !

l never seen this much weed

in my life ! Let's go !

- Come on, man !

-

Get down on your knees with

your hands behind your head.

Yo, l'm gonna make

a run for it, B.

Just get down, man.

At least Brian

got away, yo.

Whoa ! My nads ! Oh !

Hey, thank God, man !

Get down on your knees with

your hands behind your head !

Move in.

Breaking and entering.

You got me ?

Open and shut.

l say we book 'em.

You got me ? We book 'em.

Hey, wait a minute, guys.

lt's not open and shut.

What do you guys do for a living ?

- l'm a detective.

- Yeah, we're detectives.

Oh. Okay then, detect.

Ask us somethin'.

- What do you know about this

new Jamaican, this Mr. Nice Guy ?

- Yeah.

Aw, sh*t, yo.

Well, l heard he's got great weed,

but that's neither here nor there.

- l mean, we can't bring him down.

- Crazy.

But we can

bring you Samson.

Just ask me how. Ask me !

How are you gonna

bring Samson down ?

We got a meeting with him

in a couple days.

l'll wear a wire. Hmm ?

All right, listen to me.

There's $30,000 in this knapsack.

When you get in there,

give him the 20 grand you owe him,

and with the remaining ten,

buy whatever narcotics he's got around.

You got me ?

You paying attention ?

No. Sorry, man.

Unless you say out loud what it

is you're buying, we got nothin'.

So make sure that you say it, and make

sure that you get Samson to say it.

- No codes. No slang.

- Yeah.

As soon as you got the stuff,

or if anything goes wrong,

say the phrase, ''Abracadabra.''

- Abracadabra.

- Abracadabra ?

- Okay. Okay.

- Make sure that you are relaxed.

And just act

completely normal.

- That's gonna be a problem.

- What do you mean ?

l mean we haven't smoked

any weed today, man.

lf the three of us go in there

all clear-eyed, Samson

is gonna know somethin's up.

Well, if you think

it's gonna help.

Yeah. Yeah, l think that's

gonna help. You got a light ?

Mmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

-

- Thanks, Officer.

l just wanna say,

that was a great idea,

Thurgood.

- Wow. l mean, where do you even--

- Just smoke it, yo !

lf somethin' happens to us,

could you--

could you give this letter

to Mary Jane Potman ?

Sure thing, kid.

And-- And tell our friend Kenny Davis

we love him. He's in prison.

- Let's go. Come on.

- All right. Let's move.

Just remember to speak clearly.

- Get him to say what he's sellin' you.

- Yeah.

lt ain't always good...

to get high before you have

important things to do.

Lucky for us,

the cops had our backs.

- Hello, boys.

- Hi, Samson.

So... where's the money ?

Right here in my bag.

Um, Samson, can l

ask you a question ?

Go ahead.

Do you know where we can score

some cocaine ?

- You want some candy ?

- Uh, no, thanks.

But it'd be great

if we can get some cocaine.

-

- What's so funny ?

Those guys--

Those guys are doomed !

l can't feel my hands !

l-- l can feel them.

What we have here...

is some Columbian heaven.

Pure cocaine.

- Candy makes you dandy.

- Hmm.

This is all the cocaine

we get for ten G's, B ?

- We have other product.

- Oh, like more cocaine ?

And that is ?

Fine China. Babaloo.

- Looks like heroin to me, yo.

- Yeah. ls that heroin ?

You've got to be the dumbest dealers

in the history of the dope game.

You mean the game

that you run, yo ?

- Good.

- Just call me Jesse Owens.

Jesse, can we get some cocaine

and get the hell outta here ?

- Okay.

- Can l buy some of your heroin too ?

- Okay.

-

All right. All right.

lt's been a pleasure

doing business with you.

Thank you very much for the heroin

and the cocaine. Here's your money.

All right.

Abracadabra.

Yeah, man !

Abracadabra.

''You're all the Mary Jane

l'll ever need.''

- Abracadabra, yo !

- Oh, abracadabra, man.

- Abracadabra.

- Boy, why do you keep saying that ?

What ? Abracadabra ?

Yes. Abracadabra.

lt's the latest thing.

All the kids are saying it, all right ?

- Abracadabra, my brother.

- What's up ? Abracadabra.

- Abracadabra.

- Slim, take off your shirt.

Samson, Samson,

l hardly know you.

- Ladies.

- Abracadabra.

- Abracadabra, man !

- Abracadabra, yo !

Abracadabra ! Abra--

You're dead ! All of you !

Hey, fellas,

let's beat these b*tches !

Let's work it out.

Oh, yo, your titty.

- Now, that's a titty.

- Fully, man.

That is an official fully.

Aah !

-These are mean people. Mean, mean, man.

-Look out !

This is for Killer, B.

-

- Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Look who's walkin'.

N*gger, l thought

you said you was crippled.

Well, sweet pea,

we're all crippled in some way.

- Put it down !

- You win.

Now...

this is the way

it's gonna work.

l'm gonna take your little

Mexican friend with me,

and l'm gonna kill him.

- l'm Cuban, B.

- Yes, Cuban B.

- Now is there anything you want

to say to your friends ?

- Jerry, we need you.

Abracadabra, B !

Oh, man !

Oh, wow.

Sucks to be you, man !

Oh, man ! Oh, man !

What did l--

l told you he was real, man.

Jerry... thank you, man.

You're welcome, Brian.

Peace.

- Well, abracadabra.

- Whoa !

- All right.

- What the hell's goin' on here ?

- Our job is done.

These guys can go home.

- You guys are wasted, man.

Thurgood, Thurgood.

Nice letter.

- Gimme that back.

- Queer.

- Everybody, freeze !

- Oh, sh*t !

Nobody move !

The cops took all

the credit for bustin' Samson,

but that's not important.

What was important is that we cut

a deal, and Kenny was finally free.

- Hallelujah !

-

Which brings me

to the Brooklyn Bridge,

where l had to make things right

with Mary Jane.

- Hi.

- Are you ?

A little bit from yesterday,

you know, when Kenny got--

But-But-But, Mary Jane, listen.

l'm done. l'm done sellin' it.

l'm done smokin' it.

This is the last of it, right here.

l just wanted you to see me

get rid of it.

Could we just have a--

a moment alone ?

Do what you gotta do.

Be strong.

Thanks, baby.

Mary Jane,

bein' with you these past

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