Hall Pass Page #11

More tongue. More tongue.

There he is. Hey.

What are you doing here?

What do you think?

I'm looking for my aunt.

Your aunt's staying here?

I know you and her are hooking up.

What? Paige, I have no idea

what you're talking about.

This is really bad timing.

I gotta get going.

Look, I saw her car in the parking lot.

I know she's here.

Okay, Paige. Enough, please.

Just because your wife

isn't faithful to you...

...doesn't mean you have to go around

screwing my family.

What?

Wow.

I guess somebody doesn't know

about the baseball coach.

Do the alphabet, Rick! Aah!

Fred, I need to talk to you.

Fred? I thought you were Rick.

No, I'm Rick.

- What?

- Please don't judge me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What did

they say? Is Grace gonna be okay?

They said she was in a oar accident

and they took her to the hospital.

They wouldn't say any more

because I'm not you.

- All right. Calm down.

- This is my fault.

God is punishing me because

I'm the worst husband in the world.

No, you're not. Come on, come on.

Yes, I am. I've been bad, Rick.

I've been real bad.

- We've both been bad.

- I kissed your babysitter's aunt.

That's not so bad.

- On the vagina.

- Ooh.

- Oh!

- Whoa.

- No, no! No. Ooh.

- Hey! Oh!

Hey, what the hell?

No, no! No!

How do you like me now,

Splenda boy?

Moron, this is my car!

- Oh. This is your car?

- Yes!

I'm sorry, I had no idea.

Hey! Hey!

You think I give a sh*t, pudge boy?

Why am I pudge boy?

Take it easy, okay? Relax.

No! You take it easy!

You think that you can

come into my club...

...take my girl

and then get away with it?

No. Not tonight, buddy.

But why would you even try to have sex

with the right Rick? He was mine.

- Ugh.

- F***, no!

You're not gonna get away with it!

- Never! Ever!

- Hey! Hey!

Brent?

Mother?

- What are you doing here?

- Wait, wait, wait. Aunt Meg is your mom?

How does he know your name?

- Well-- Kind of--

- We-- Sort of--

What? No. No, no, no.

No.

No. Are you telling me...

...that this 40-hour-week motherfucking

soccer dad took my girl...

...and this flabby a**hole...

...my mother?

No, no, no!

I didn't have sex with your mom.

- All I did was fake-chow her. All right?

- it's true.

- That's it. You two are dead men.

- Whoa! He's got a gun!

- No!

- What?

- Where did you get that?

- Grandpa's closet!

No! Brent!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Go, go, go.

Go, go, go. Get down.

Am I scaring you, a**hole?

Do you have a shot count?

- A shot count?

- Yeah!

No, I didn't get a f***ing shot count.

Come here.

Huh?

PAIGE & MEG Aah!

Shooter down. Let's roll!

- Go, go. Punch it. Punch it.

- I'm going.

- Get off me, Mom.

- Brent, stop it.

Oh, hell, no!

What the hell was that?

Go, go. Drive.

- He's coming through the back.

- What's up, a**holes?

Swerve! Swerve! Swerve!

Okay. No, no. He's gone. Drive. Drive.

You shook him.

I don't believe this.

Maggie's having an affair.

What?

Well, you didn't give him a free pass

for nothing.

So come on. Just be honest.

What were you trying to accomplish?

I don't know.

I just felt like...

...he wasn't noticing me anymore.

And I wanted to feel wanted again.

And the truth is, I never really thought

he'd go through with it.

Oh, my God.

What?

This hall pass.

It was never for him.

It was for me.

I got a hall pass. Why shouldn't she?

She's a beautiful woman.

What guy isn't gonna wanna be

with a beautiful woman...

...whose husband decides

he's gonna take a week off?

Come on! What kind of hospital

doesn't have a live operator?

Fred! Fred, it's 4 a.m.

Uh-huh. And uh-huh.

Huh. There's something

you don't see a lot.

I took her for granted.

I took Maggie for granted. Yeah.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up, man.

Oh, great.

- Okay, pull over, man.

- No way. I can outrun them.

No, you can't! Not in this thing.

Watch me.

- Okay, now we got two of them.

- I don't care!

- I'm not stopping till I get to Grace.

- Are you crazy?

Yeah, I'm crazy!

I'm crazy about my wife!

What is happening?!

Aah! Brent, that hurts!

- Hey!

- What are you doing, man?

Hear me out, gentlemen.

I can explain every-- Uh. Uh.

Hold it!

Aah! Aah! NO!

No, no. Okay, okay! Aah.

Oh, God. Grace needs me!

- Take it easy, buddy.

- I won't take it easy!

Okay, look. I did not stop because there's

a lunatic out there trying to kill us!

And my wife's been in an accident,

and I need to see if she's okay!

Because that woman is my life!

Is he the husband of Grace Searing?

Yes! Yes, I am. Is she okay?

Please.

Please, tell me she's gonna be okay.

She's having difficulty breathing.

Oh, my God.

Is she gonna live?

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. She's fine.

She just broke her nose.

We had to stuff some gauze up there.

She's gonna be a mouth breather

for about a week.

But, all in all, I would say

you're a very lucky guy.

Bless you, doctor.

I'll f***ing kill you! Come here!

We didn't know what was going on

because he came in through the window.

That had been knocked out earlier...

...back when he fired the holes in there.

Rick! Rick! She's gonna be okay!

- She's okay?

- She's all right.

Hey, Anderson...

...these guys are clean.

That lunatic was attacking them

before he punched Officer Leska.

Anyway, he's in bracelets.

Well, I guess you're off the hook.

Thank you.

Can you believe it?

I get a second chance.

Fred, go in there and take care

of that woman. You're lucky to have her.

Okay. All right, thank you.

Put her on a pedestal.

The biggest one you can find.

Oh, wait! Rick, Rick, Rick.

Good luck with Mags.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God!

Oh, God.

Oh, my God. You poor thing.

Um, hold on an second.

Rick just walked in.

Grace has been in a car accident.

Yeah, I know. She's okay, though.

Fred's over there.

Oh. So they're letting you go?

Okay.

You're headed here. Great.

All right, I love you too.

God, she scared me to death.

Yeah.

Hi.

So, what are you doing here?

March 25th, 1989.

What?

That's the day I lost my virginity.

March 25th, 1989.

Approximately 10:30 p.m.

What are you talking about?

We were dating then.

I know. You were my first.

And you were my last.

And you've been everything in between.

Really?

Really.

Is that why you were crying that night?

I wasn't crying, I don't think.

And I was--?

I was your last?

You're my only.

Forever.

Whose car is that out front?

Oh, it's a friend of my dad.

Baseball player.

He came over last night.

Drank some wine.

He got a little frisky,

so I sent him home in a cab.

Define frisky.

Oh, don't worry. You were my last too.

But I can't say you were my first.

You know, words really do hurt.

So I mean, what were you doing driving

around at 1 in the morning?

No, I was just, um, upset about things...

...and I wasn't paying any attention,

and I think I must have hit some sand...

...and the next thing you know,

I'm running into a pole.

Grace.

I'm so sorry.

- For what?

- For what?

For putting you through all this.

Hey, I love you.

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