Hamlet 2
To act is to live.
Are you tired? Overweight?
Lacking energy?
Do you wish you could look
and feel young again? You can!
By unlocking the power of natural juice
with Jack La Lanne's Power Juicer.
We juiced with this other juicer,
and look how much work it takes,
feeding the small chute.
To act is to breathe the poet's breath.
It is to embody the dreams of man.
To live as an actor is to live a dream.
I'm having a herpes outbreak right now.
But you'd never know it.
Thanks, Herpecol.
But dreams are ephemeral,
and sometimes impossible.
So we must ask,
where do dreams go to die?
Hey, look, I'm sorry, okay?
Hey, well, why don't I take you out
to dinner to apologize for my rudeness?
Give me your number.
You want my number?
Which number do you want, George?
You see, right there. I like
the way you say "George."
For instance, ten. That's how
many months old my baby girl is.
You got a baby girl?
Sexy, huh?
How about six?
That's how old my other daughter is.
Eight is the age of my son.
Two is how many times I've
been married and divorced.
Sixteen is the number of
dollars in my bank account.
And I'm guessing zero is the number
of times you're gonna call me.
Hey, the reviews are in.
Read them quickly.
It minimizes the pain.
"Are Dana Marschz's
bi-yearly stagings of
"popular Hollywood
films an ironic gesture,
"or is he just profoundly confused?
"To be fair,
"this year's Erin Brockovich
accomplishes something quite astonishing."
"It manages to make
last year's production
"of Mississippi Burning look
sparkling by comparison."
What about the acting?
"It is perhaps best not
to mention the acting.
"In the theater, actors endeavor
"Rand Posin and Epiphany
Sellars flap their lips
"and wave their arms like
malfunctioning wind-up toys..."
That's enough!
Every trimester we
get fisted by this guy!
What's "fisted"?
What?
I have so much anger.
I feel like I've been raped.
In the face!
What do I need to do to please you?
Is that the purpose of your plays?
To please me?
I put a lot of myself into my work.
Would it kill you to say something
nice about it once in a while?
Have you ever considered doing a play
that wasn't originally a popular movie?
No. Why?
writing more of my own material?
That wasn't what I had in
mind, but, sure, why not?
You know, there's so much I
want to say through my work
that sometimes it overwhelms me.
I gotta go clean the hamster cages.
Are you going to be all right?
Yes, I'm great.
Okay.
Yeah, you take care.
Thanks for the truth
sandwich, my little brother.
Morning, Gary.
Morning, Dana.
Top of the morning to you.
day outside today, man.
Great observation there, Gary.
We live in Tucson.
Can I talk to you, please, privately?
Sure, squishy.
Excuse us.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, I'm a little
groggy. I was up late.
I'm working on an original play.
It's about my childhood.
Anyway, I know we're broke
and that we needed a roommate,
but I swear to God, I can't
live like this anymore.
I'm gonna go back to
dealing pot, I swear...
No, no, I will not
have you pushing drugs.
I was a dealer, not a pusher.
It's just until I,
you know, get an agent
and start doing commercials again.
Also known as never.
You keep me honest,
I adore you for that.
Well...
It's not so bad. I mean, Gary has a car.
That's helped out a lot around here.
Gary has a car.
Maybe I can get him
to run me over with it.
Oh, you.
What did I do so right
to get you in my life?
Hey, Max. Hey.
Okay, I... Okay, I get it.
Hey, gang, what's up?
Mr. Marschz, have you
seen our new class yet?
No. Why?
Let's just say, it's new and different.
Well, Rand, "new" and "different"
are two of my favorite words.
In my prayer circle, I've been praying
for more racial understanding,
but I still get anxious around ethnics.
Okay, please turn down the music.
Not off, just down.
Okay, we've got ourselves a full house!
Scary!
Normally, I only have the two students.
Let's go around and find out
why drama is suddenly so popular.
You?
Yolanda doesn't talk.
But you know the only reason
that we're here, right,
is because there's asbestos
in the portable classrooms,
and because we live on
the poor side of town
and there isn't any money,
they just decided to cancel
everything that we care about.
You know, like computers and ceramics
and shop and arts and crafts, and
drama was the only elective left.
Did anyone pick drama as a first choice?
That's fine.
Better never than late.
Okay, as a point of departure,
has anyone seen the movie
Dead Poets Society,
starring... What's your name?
the always-superb Robin
Williams? I'm Octavio.
Well, it's very good.
I was, for one week,
Mr. Williams' stand-in on
Patch Adams,
when I lived in Hollywood. Hey, come on.
Hey, I'm just trying to be friendly.
He once gave me a ride to my bus stop.
I couldn't be happier
for all his success.
Nice guys do finish first.
So what's... Hey, what's your name?
Heywood.
Heywood...
Heywood Jablomey.
Right.
Perhaps some of you have seen
the movie Mr. Holland's Opus?
Starring, I know...
Starring Richard Dreyfuss as a
music teacher with a deaf son.
He can't hear his music. Imagine that?
Very sad.
Wildly underrated.
Check these out. They're all
inspirational...
Teacher.
...teacher movies.
What could I do
to inspire...
Hey, you f***ing bastards!
Just kidding. Hope I'm
not freaking you out.
Wait, I hope I am freaking you out!
Is this guy for real?
Okay, let's start with an exercise.
Rand, get up here.
Okay, Rand. Be an animal.
Hey, check this out.
Yeah, this is one of the most basic
skills a drama student can acquire.
That's beautiful, Rand.
Feline good.
Anyone tell what kind of animal Rand is?
He's a p*ssy.
Okay.
Okay. So, Heywood.
What?
What kind of creature would you be?
I could be a flaming ass crack.
Oh, wait, you're already doing that.
You know, I'd like to see your Bottom.
Like to see my what?
I'd like to see your Bottom.
I mean, your portrayal of Bottom
in A Midsummer Night's Dream.
A Midsummer Night's Dream.
mine, you may have heard of him,
William Shakespeare.
Yeah, he liked to goof around,
but most of the time he was serious.
Because he, like I, believed
that theater has the power,
not only to transform the actor,
but also the audience.
Do you believe that?
Sounds kind of cuckoo-bananas.
But I believe that.
I believe that with
every fiber of my being.
If I kick this trash can...
Oh, my God! Yolanda!
Oh, my God!
Okay, she's still conscious
and she's not bleeding.
Man, you need to be careful.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, I've learned a lesson here,
but I hope you all have, too.
About the vitality of shared experience.
We will all remember this
moment for the rest of our lives.
It was dramatic. It was visual.
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"Hamlet 2" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/hamlet_2_9527>.
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