Hanging Up

- Hello?

- Where are you?

- In my car.

- Aren'tyou picking me up?

No, Dad. Someone from the home

will bring you to the hospital.

I'll meetyou in front.

I'm on my way.

You should be leaving any minute.

- My lamp doesn't work.

- What?

The lamp, the goddamn lamp next

to my bed. You know what a lamp is?

- Dad, did you try the switch?

- What?

On the bottom of the thing.

Maybe it's on the cord.

Like that twirly thing on the cord.

Push that with your thumb.

I got it! I got it, baby.

Hello. Who is this?

Dad, it's Eve. You called me.

Are youjealous ofyoursister?

Dad, I'm driving downtown.

This is not a question

for downtown traffic.

Come on! Georgia could run

the Israeli Army.

Maddy couldn't even

get into the Army.

You're right, Dad.

You're completely right, Dad.

Georgia could run the Israeli army.

Hi, Dad.

- Evie, guess who calledjust now.

- Who?

John Waynejust called me.

Tell Georgia. Tell Maddy.

- John Waynejust called you.

- Hejust called me on the telephone.

John Wayne is dead.

They think he's dead.

They're not sure.

He's dead, and that's why

you're going to the hospital.

You're disoriented.

I spoke to him on the telephone.

So he's a Republican. So what?

I'll see you in 10 minutes.

No Surprises. Kim speaking.

Kim? Listen, I'm not

gonna be in today.

My father...

- What happened this time?

- I don't know, but I'm worried.

I'm meeting him at the hospital.

Are there any messages?

Madge Turner, she wants you to move

the party to the Nixon Library.

What? No!

No, Kim. That is insane.

The party is in two weeks.

We cannot change the location.

You tell her to forget it.

Me? Wait, I have to tell her?

No, no, I'll do it.

Remind me to call the caterer.

500 women are coming...

...and I bet half

are lactose intolerant.

I hope my dad's okay.

I better call Georgia.

All right, Kim? I'll call you back.

Georgia Magazine.

May I speak with Georgia, please?

It's Eve.

Is she available to do it?

I feel like she's...

Georgia, I have your sister.

No. Not now.

You know what? She's behind

closed doors right now.

- Libby, dear. Hurry, honey!

- I'm coming!

I need my bag.

Thank you so much.

- Eve?

- Maddy, thank God you called.

Guess what?

I don't wanna hear about Dad again.

I'm sorry. I'm too happy.

Eve, it is so beautiful here.

It's spiritual. You know?

It's God's country.

Here we go.

No, no, no!

I'm sorry!

Oh, my God.

She'll think I hung up on her.

Maddy, can you hear me? Maddy?

Hello? Hello? Maddy?

No Surprises. Kim speaking.

It's me again. Are you sure?

Are you positive about this?

It's just bad news.

Yes, she wants to move it

to the Nixon Library.

They have parties there?

Where is that? Wait, where am I?

- I don't know. I have no idea.

- I'm here.

I can't deal with this right now.

I'll call you back later.

Well, there she is. Hello, dear!

Oh, my God. Dad!

Who's there?

Lou Mozell from

the Motion Picture Home.

Got it?

Angie, did I ever tell you about

the time I got a gun from John Wayne?

Pat and I wrote a picture for him

called Luck Runs Out.

Yeah, he was a very nice guy.

They say that he had

a very small pecker...

...but that didn't keep him

from being a real he-man.

I mean, that had absolutely

nothing to do with it.

- Why are we going in here?

- Because it's the room.

- Is there room service in here?

- No.

They leave a key for the minibar?

There is no minibar.

Place of birth, Mr. Mozell?

The Bronx, New York City.

Education?

Harvard.

Graduated with full honors.

Oh, Dad!

Summa cum laude.

Age?

Thirty-eight.

Seventy-nine.

- And your wife is...?

- Dead.

No, not dead. Not dead.

Divorced. For many years.

Evie, where's that poster?

It's over there.

Put it over there by the dresser.

Please make sure

it doesn't get scratched.

- Would you like to get into bed?

- Not with you.

Very funny.

Cleo, kick her out, will you?

I'm not Cleo. I'm Dr. Kelly.

Dr. Kelly, yeah?

Of the Irish Republican Army, are you?

Well, I love them sassy, doc.

How old are you?

What day of the week

is it, Mr. Mozell?

Fruppsday.

What month?

What month?

Kugie-wugie!

You gotta stop that!

The Duke said, "Your mother and dad...

...make a hell of a writing team."

Remember, Evie?

That's what the Duke said.

He said it to Evie

when she was 5 years old.

She shook hands with him,

said, "Howdy, partner!"

He laughed.

He was a real sweetheart.

They say his pecker

was no bigger than...

Dad!

Probably why he liked guns, you know?

Small pecker, big guns.

You get that?

What I'm trying to bring out?

You don't have to...

Where's the gun he gave me?

Evie, where's the gun?

He didn't give you a gun, remember?

He gave you the bullet.

It's right here.

You're not gonna go away

and leave me here, are you?

Just for a little bit, Dad.

At least a week.

A week?

I promise you...

I just die when you're not here.

You're having memory problems.

They have to run some tests.

Everybody has memory problems.

You could remember for me.

Please don't leave me here.

Can you write a sentence

for us, Mr. Mozell?

Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm

in conference with my daughter?

Here's the pen, Mr. Mozell.

A sentence!

What kind of sentence do you want?

Here, shove it up your schmeer!

Don't go, Evie.

I'm begging you.

Don't go, Evie.

Are you there?

Are you both listening?

He wrote, "It's too late."

She asked him,

and that's what he wrote.

Is this eerie or what?

"It's too late." My God!

What does it mean?

Too late for tests, forhelp.

This is serious. He's disoriented.

He's in a wheelchair.

He's telling us it's over.

They should adjust his medications.

Did you talk to the doctor?

The doctor was

approximately 11 years old.

Obviously, it wasn't the real doctor.

It was a resident.

Call back and ask

to speak to the real doctor.

I said I wanted Maureen Oriff.

He mentioned

John Wayne's pecker again.

You gotta be kidding! Did he really?

That is hilarious!

He is obsessed with that pecker.

I wasn't talking to you. Sorry.

You weren't here.

I am sorry I couldn't be there.

Oh, Maddy.

- This is my only vacation!

- I didn't mean it that way.

We work 10 hours a day,

five days a week, 52 weeks a year.

- Yeah, I know.

- Aside from the dialogue...

...soaps are the closest thing

to theater on television.

The only reason that

I can go away now...

...is because Juliana is

in the Bahamas...

...because her boss

is having an affair.

Who's Juliana?

My character, Juliana.

Who is fully three-dimensional...

...and who right now is wrestling

with very serious identity problems.

Don't you ever watch my show?

Did she hang up?

- Maddy?

- Take this.

I gotta go. I'm sorry. I love you.

Call me every five minutes.

Did Maddy hang up?

- Did she hang up?

- It's possible.

She may come back in a cowboy outfit,

talking about fly-fishing.

What do you wanna bet

she'll come back with a cowboy?

She thinks she's the only one

who works. I'm planning...

I'm so busy with

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