Hannah Montana: Keeping It Real Page #2

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Trey, take your time.

We'll be ''a-waitin'.''

(BOTH LAUGH)

-l know, l know, they're a little...

-Rude? Mean? Horrible?

-Why didn't you warn me?

-Because you wouldn't have come.

And l wouldn't have

been able to do this.

Oh, boy.

Please, don't let them scare you off.

l really like you.

Well, lucky for you, l don't scare easy.

Mr. and Mrs. Harris?

l have something to say.

l am Miley Stewart,

and l am not just some regular hillbilly.

(COUNTRY MUSlC RlNGTONE)

(CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKlNG FRENCH)

Hello.

Hannah, you have

to get down here pronto.

Your friend, Lola, is ruining my party.

Hey, Orlando! Great butt.

Putt! Great putt!

Wait, come back!

This is the most hideous evening

anyone could ever have.

Wanna bet?

Look at me, darling, l'm country.

Thank you.

Miley.

Refreshing, light, lemony.

They're called finger bowls, dear.

lt's for ''warshing up'' between courses.

(BOTH LAUGH)

-''Warshing up''?

-l'm sorry.

Well, if the soup is half as good,

this ought to be quite a meal.

(MOCKlNG LAUGHTER)

Mmm.

lnteresting. What is it?

They... They call it sweetbreads.

Doesn't taste like bread.

That's because it's cow pancreas.

(COUGHS)

And it's yummy.

Trey, l forgot to mention,

next week, we're taking the private jet

to London for a gala with the Queen.

Perhaps your little friend

would like to come.

Have you ever been on a plane, dear?

Yes, ma'am, l have.

l'm sorry.

l meant one that doesn't spray crops.

All right, Mother, that's enough.

You're darn tootin' that's enough!

Not only have l been on a jet,

l have already met the Queen.

ln fact, l sang The Other Side of Me

for her and her granddaughter.

-Really?

-Really?

Really?

Who wants dessert?

Oh, no, l'd much rather hear about

how you sang for the Queen.

Well, it wasn't just me,

it was my school.

ln London.

Where l went to school.

ln London.

-Which school?

-Hogwarts.

Miley, where are you going with this?

l'll tell you when l get there.

Why were you living in London?

My daddy worked there as a...

Diplomat?

Okay.

Diplomat! Very impressive.

We'd love to meet him.

Well, we will most definitely

have to do that

in the very near or distant future.

Oh, no, there's no time like the present,

my dear, let's go right now.

-Now?

-Now.

Unless you have a problem with that?

No!

No problem at all.

l've just got to go powder my nose.

Very shiny.

You know what l mean, girl.

(PHONE DlALlNG)

Daddy, my date's parents

want to come and meet you.

-Now.

-Now?

Yeah, and they're kind of snobby,

so if you could, you know,

clean up around the house,

fluff the pillows, flush the toilets,

pick the hair out of the soap,

that kind of thing.

Okay. Well, it's going

to take a little more than that.

Dad, one more thing, l kind of

almost blew the Hannah secret,

so l'm gonna have to ask you

one more teeny-tiny little favor.

We're home!

Welcome to Stewart Manor!

Har har!

Sweet niblets.

Father, Brother, meet the Harrises.

Please, call me William.

Jolly good!

And l'm Jeanette.

Good show!

l'm Trey.

-Jolly good show!

-Jolly good show!

That's odd. They speak with

an English accent and you don't.

Yes. They do.

And there is a very simple explanation

for that. Right, Father?

Of course. Tell them, Jackson!

She had a nanny!

From Nashville!

Who made her watch reruns

of The Beverly Hillbillies.

On the telly!

Now that was a jolly good show!

Okay, this has been lovely!

Thanks for the ride home!

Don't be silly, we just arrived.

Let's all get to know each other!

Oh, capital idea!

You come with me, young thing!

Har har!

(EXCLAlMS)

-Remember how you said you like me?

-Yeah.

-Hold on to that.

-Right.

So there we are, Prince William

on my left, Prince Harry on my right,

and the fox just in front of us.

Well, l crept right up to that

magnificent animal and l said,

''Hey, foxy momma,

can l buy you a soda?''

Well, she said yes.

And once again, the two young princes

had to admit that l was the king!

Har har!

Oh, really, this is too much.

What kind of fools do you think we are?

This is why l don't get second dates.

Can't you see it, Trey?

They're fortune hunters!

What did you just call us?

A bunch of backwoods,

banjo-strumming, hillbilly gold-diggers.

Now, listen here, Bub.

And you, too, Mrs. Bub.

Dad, let it go.

l made this mess, let me clean it up.

lt's nice knowing you.

l want y'all to get your snooty booties

out of our house!

Excuse me?

No. l have been excusing you all night,

and l'm done with it.

Okay, sure, my daddy's no diplomat,

but he's not

a banjo-strumming hillbilly either.

He's a guitar-strumming hillbilly,

and l'm proud of him!

And my brother!

Let me just tell you, my brother...

What are you going to do?

Can't pick your family.

Gee, thanks, sis. l'm feeling the love.

So if y'all can't accept me

and where l come from,

don't let the door hit you

where the good Lord split you.

Bye-bye.

Jolly good show, darlin'.

Jeanette, Trey, we're leaving!

You know what? No, no, you're leaving.

l'm staying, if that's all right with you.

-Half an hour?

-l'll drive you home.

l just got to go out to the barn

and hitch up that there team of mules.

(SPlTS)

-This is not the way we raised you.

-l'm disappointed in you, son.

The feeling's mutual.

You know the sprinklers

just went on out front.

You guys might want to go

out the back.

l'd cram myself through a mail slot

to get out of this place.

The sprinklers go on in the morning.

Wait for it.

(BOTH EXCLAlM)

Jeanette, let go of my leg!

l'm not touching your leg!

(BOTH SCREAM)

Now, that is a jolly good show.

BOTH:
Har har!

So you actually eat these things

with your hands?

lt's the only way.

l love this!

You know,

l think the boy's got promise.

Yeah, you should try grunting. lt's fun.

(GRUNTS)

-You don't have to do that.

-l'm not gonna.

(COUNTRY MUSlC RlNGTONE)

Oh, no, it's Traci.

l wonder what Lilly did now.

Hello?

Orlando! You don't understand.

We're meant for each other!

You can't run away from destiny!

You so owe me.

(SCREAMS)

Uncle Earl.

Or Aunt Pearl.

What do you think, son?

Wow. Put on an apron

and a pair of combat boots

and you could be her twin.

You're right. l think l'll go with Earl.

Daddy, l think you need

to take the canyon.

The highway is jammed.

And how do l know that?

Because l have streaming live traffic

on my new O-Phone.

''Tomorrow's technology,

today, today, today.''

l know, l know.

Man, l wish l had the O-Phone

instead of this stupid Slim Flip.

''Oh, look at me. l'm slim and l flip,

l'm slim and l flip, l'm slim and l flip.''

Oh, man.

MAN ON TV:
Do you want

the O-Phone?

-Oh, yes, l do!

-Oh, no, you don't.

Not when you can have

the new Z-Phone.

With high-def display

and digi-dynamic sound,

it makes the O-Phone old news.

(EXCLAlMS)

-Daddy, you saw that commercial.

-Yes, l did. Very nice graphics.

Dad, the Z-Phone's not just a phone.

lt's full of dynamic digi stuff.

l have to have it!

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