Hannah Montana: Keeping It Real Page #3

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Now, that's what you said

when you begged me for the O-Phone.

-l was a child then.

-lt was last month.

But l've grown!

l have new phone needs!

Tell him, Lola.

Why? So l can hear you brag

about your new-new phone?

MAN:
Give it up for Hannah Montana!

-Help me out and you get this one.

-Oh, boy!

Shame on you

for buying her this dinosaur.

l am disappointed in you, mister!

Somehow l'll go on.

I would like to dedicate this concert

to my daddy.

A dad as cool as the new Z-Phone!

How awesome are they?

(AUDlENCE CHEERS)

Hold that thought.

Did l mention it comes with GPS?

(EXCLAlMS)

Did l mention l ain't getting it?

(MOCKlNG)

(GRUNTS)

(SINGING) Come on!

You get the limo out front

Hottest styles, every shoe

every color

Yeah, when you're famous

it can be kind of fun

It's really you

but no one ever discovers

Who would have thought

that a girl like me

Would double as a superstar?

You get the best of both worlds

Chill it out, take it slow

Then you rock out the show

You get the best of both worlds

Mix it all together

And you know that

it's the best of both worlds

(LAUGHlNG)

(AUDlENCE CHEERlNG)

Thank you, Long Beach!

Darling, it's a phone, not a kidney.

You can live without it.

But... But, Daddy...

Hannah!

Loved your shout-out to the Z-Phone.

l just can't live without it.

You don't say.

Honey, did l ever tell you

that when l was a kid,

l had a one-eyed carrier pigeon

who just flew around in circles?

Kept bringing me my own note back.

l survived it.

Hannah, your daddy's so funny

when he goes all Pony Express.

Well, l'm glad l can amuse you.

Now l just got to get out back there

and saddle up the old limo.

Stop it!

So, what's your Z-Code

so we can Z-Chat and Z-Text?

-Mine's still in zee box.

-Yeah, in zee store.

l'm having it Hannah-fied.

Like yours, but more. lf that's possible.

-l can't wait to see it.

-That makes two of us.

(BEEPlNG)

l'm getting a Z-Minder.

Traci, time to leave

for Amanda Bynes's beach barbecue

to benefit baby belugas.

l'm just so grateful to live in a world

where people like us

can have phones like this.

l know.

-Ciao.

-Ciao.

Why did you say you have that phone?

Simple. l have the lQ of a peanut.

As soon as she finds out

that l don't have that phone,

she's gonna tell everybody.

(lMlTATlNG TRACl)

''Beyonc, did you hear?

Hannah doesn't have the Z-Phone!''

l'll be a joke!

l want that phone, l want that phone,

l want that phone!

(CAMERA CLlCKS)

Ooh! Hannah has a hissy!

Thanks, kid.

Can't you people

ever give me a break?

Sorry, kid! This picture's gonna pay

for my new Z-Phone!

l cannot believe this.

l made myself look like a total idiot,

all because of that phone.

l'm on the front page!

Don't l look so cute when l'm scared?

lf you don't get over yourself

in about three seconds,

you're gonna look absolutely adorable!

-Three seconds? That's it?

-Take it or leave it.

-Fine.

-Go!

Look at my hair! Look at my eyes!

Look at my outfit!

-l'm a star, l'm a star, l'm a star!

-Time!

Okay, l'm good.

(CELL PHONE RlNGS)

lt's Traci calling on her new Z-Phone.

You know what?

l'm just gonna tell her the truth.

lt can't be any more humiliating

than this picture.

Listen, Traci, about the Z-Phone...

l call firsties.

Did you hear the dish on Dakota?

She doesn't have the Z-Phone

because her daddy won't let her.

lsn't that positively medieval?

Yeah. lmagine having a father like that.

l know!

(EXCLAlMS)

Svetlana, you're massaging my neck,

not wringing out a mop!

Anyway, promise you won't tell anyone.

Because you don't want me

to embarrass her?

Of course not. That's my job.

Ciao.

(EXCLAlMS)

Well, it must feel good

to get that off your chest.

You know, life is a lot easier

with a sense of humor.

Life is also a whole lot easier

with that phone!

You know, it's funny. Just last week

you actually did have the money,

but you spent it all on those shoes

and that purse and that Miley necklace.

Remember what l said

about a sense of humor.

This is so unfair.

Some sleazy, disgusting paparazzi

gets a humiliating picture of Hannah,

and suddenly he has the phone l want.

Yeah, l know.

lf only we were sleazy and disgusting,

we could take a picture of you

and sell it.

What?

How you doing, Sleazy?

l'm Disgusting.

Hey, Dad, wish me luck.

l'm off to a shirts-and-skins

volleyball game.

And, lucky for the ladies, l'm skins.

You got your wallet?

Yeah.

Now.

ROBBY:
How about your sunglasses?

Yes.

Now.

-And did you remember to put on...

-Underwear! Of course! l'm not an idiot!

l was gonna say sunscreen, but l'm

glad to hear about the underwear.

Come on, Dad. Do you really think you

need to remind me about sunscreen?

l live in LA,

l go to the beach every day...

So you forgot.

l'll put it on when l get there!

Stop treating me like a child. Gosh!

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Jackson, is that you?

Uh-huh.

How'd the volleyball go?

What can l say, Dad?

l was on fire out there.

That's my boy.

Now go shower up. We got us

some Tennessee football to watch!

l think l'm just gonna go take a nap.

Nap? Stewart men don't nap

when there's football on!

That's what golf is for!

Okay, l'll be right down.

(EXCLAlMlNG SOFTLY)

-Hello?

-Hello?

Perfect. No one's in here.

Okay, we can do this.

l'll call it Hannah, Before the Glamour.

-Take the picture already!

-l don't know. lt looks too posed.

That's 'cause it is posed!

See, that's the problem.

We need to make it

look more spontaneous,

like you were taken by surprise.

We need to make it...

Hey, Mile, do you know

what this thing does?

l think l got a pretty good idea!

-Hey, that could work.

-You think?

MAN ON TV:

And Tennessee football is on the air!

Son, get your butt down here!

lt's kickoff time!

Hoo-yah!

(WEAKLY) Hoo-yah.

l personally love the look,

but l think you need to put

a little more boo-yah in your hoo-yah!

Boo-yah!

(WlNClNG)

l love it! lt's embarrassing,

humiliating, demeaning!

-l know. She looks like a complete idiot!

-He gets it.

Congratulations, you just knocked

''Double-Jointed Vampire

Bites His Own Butt''

right off the front page.

Look at you.

The future of sleaze journalism.

l'll be right back

with your blood money.

Man, l hope this Z-Phone is worth it.

lt is! And trust me, there's been

a lot worse pictures of Hannah.

l don't know. This one's pretty goofy.

l mean, your hair in curlers

and your eyes bugging out,

and your Miley necklace

flopping all over the place.

Future of sleaze journalism say what?

Oh, my gosh.

As soon as they blow up this picture,

they blow up my secret!

How could you have missed this?

Me? You're the one

who bought that stupid necklace.

lf you had gotten your name

on a refrigerator magnet like l did,

we wouldn't have this problem.

Here's your money, kids.

Thanks to you, in two days,

that picture's gonna be

on every newsstand in the country.

Yeah, about that.

See, we're starting to feel

(STAMMERlNG)

a little uncomfortable

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