Hansel & Gretel Get Baked

Hello?

Anybody home?

Hey, pg&e.

Oh!

Residents of 140 wicker lane,

Using over 98,000 kwh.

Wait till he hears about this.

Oh!

I knew it!

Wait till the cops see this.

Hey, hey!

Okay it's called,

black forest high,

And it is the best

friggin' high ever.

I'll be the judge of that.

It's like,

One part swiss miss,

one part snow white,

There's definitely

some white queen,

But, there's something else in it,

and I can't put my finger on it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let it sink in, trust me when this

stuff hits, it hits.

I see what you mean.

Very smooth,

Very mellow, very wow.

Where'd you get it?

Manny, he's handing out samples,

Some little old lady in pasadena,

is growing it in her basement.

she's the little

old lady from pasadena

You know, the beach boys.

Oh, yeah, exactly!

Anyways, she's like this sweet old

little, granny pothead.

Oh, I love it!

Oh, baby, wait till you hear

music on this sh*t,

It is unbelievable.

Oh.

"Hansel, we're off to spend the weekend

with the stiltskins,

"keep an eye on your sister,

"love, mom and dad."

It's great because I have nothing

better to do.

Gretel?

Gretel!

Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, you see how those three notes right

there are forming a chord?

Is that what they're doing?

It's awesome, huh?

So high.

Oh, yeah!

What you guys doing?

dude, we're watching music.

Hmm, oh, watching music?

That's cool.

Unrelated question, uh,

What are you smoking?

Ah! It's called black forest.

Um, what like the cake?

Cake?

Cake?

No.

No, not just,

Not just any cake, guys.

From, uh,

Black forest cake.

Okay.

Delicious maraschino cherries,

Trapped between layers and layers

of dark chocolate cake.

Cherry filling.

And bavarian cream.

Oh, bavarian cream!

Uh, speaking of which, uh,

You wouldn't happen to have any

black forest cake,

Would you, Hansel?

no, I thought you

guys had some.

Oh, dude!

I know!

What are we gonna do now?

You know what?

I'm pretty sure, we got some gingerbread

cookie mix in the kitchen.

Gingerbread.

Gingerbread man, I haven't had those

since I was a kid.

You can make a whole army of gingerbread men,

to fight your munchies.

Whole army, dude?

You can ask 'em anything,

But, they won't tell you a thing.

Huh?

Never mind.

We'll get gingerbread men.

Come on.

Stoners.

Got it.

Sweet.

It's a mix.

Wait, so we have to make it?

No problem, we got everything we need.

Except, more black forest.

Dude.

Dude.

How about, I make

the gingerbread cookies,

While you go get more weed.

Dude!

Dude.

Dude.

"in pan," okay.

Uh, yeah, um.

I understand you have

some weed for sale.

Sorry, you really

gonna have to speak up.

Uh, I hear you're selling weed.

Again, you're really

gonna have to speak up.

Weed.

"we need?" what do you need?

No, uh, weed!

Weed?

Police!

Oh, sh*t, no!

Police!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

oh, jesus!

Police! Police!

I'm just f***ing with you,

come on in.

Well, come on.

It's now or never.

Come on, go,

come on. Whoa.

jesus.

Here you go, dearie, just a little bit

of black forest

Over here in pasadena.

Oh, um, the black forest,

that's in germany, right?

And they say american

education is just gone to pot.

Should we smoke some?

Oh, um, actually I was

just hoping to buy.

Hmm...

You're not gonna just let a little

old lady smoke all by herself?

Uh, no, I guess not.

Oh, it's some smooth pot.

Not so bad, huh?

Ain't it great?

So, um, did you just move here?

Well, actually very recently.

In my line of business,

I like to move

pretty sporadically...

So, um, speaking of which...

Witch?

Yeah, yeah speaking of which,

Like, how did you get into

the growing business?

I love to get high.

Speaking of which, you got to have

the munchies.

Oh, yeah, big time.

I've got some sardines,

won't just take me a few.

Okay.

Oh, what about that

gingerbread over there?

Don't touch my gingerbread house.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Cool.

Mmm, that's nice.

Mmm, that smells good.

What is that?

Sweet butter, with 11 herbs

and spices.

Jesus, what the f***?

Let it simmer, otherwise

you're gonna bruise.

Oh!

Okay, uh, miss agnes.

Look, I get it,

You're lonely, and the weed's got

you all horned up,

But, I got a girlfriend.

You smell good.

Almost even good enough to eat,

But, I think I'm really have to just

wait a little while.

Wait, waiting,

waiting is good, yeah.

Wait, how long exactly

are you thinking,

Cause, I gotta get back,

she's waiting for me.

You know everything's gonna cook,

in its own, sweet, beautiful time.

Okay, um, what if I like,

Just let you lick my junk,

but, that's it, nothing else.

What if I want to eat your junk?

What you mean like, swallow?

Okay, that's different.

Um, but, I don't wanna watch.

Okay?

As you wish.

Oh, my god!

So, where's the stoner genius?

He went to get more weed.

Weed?

Him? No, I don't buy

that for a second.

You know, you could

be a little nicer to him.

Why would I do that?

Because, he's my boyfriend?

Oh, yeah, uh...

"speaking of which..."

What is it exactly

you see in that guy?

He doesn't judge me.

How long is it gonna be ready?

Fifteen minutes.

Oh, shoot, we're out of milk.

You could call ashton, and have him pick

some up on the way back.

Good idea.

Why?

I told you not to eat

the gingerbread.

You ate the gingerbread.

Please, please!

Please let me go, I swear

I won't tell anyone.

I swear to you.

Please let me go.

Nah, I wish I could,

But, I still got the munchies.

Damn, they look really good.

Thanks.

Smell even better.

Ash back with that milk?

No, and I've left him,

like, a dozen messages.

You don't think he got arrested

or anything, do you?

no.

He must have just smoked up

and forgot where we live.

Whatever.

You aren't gonna post that, are you?

Um...

There's a life outside of

the internet you know?

Oh, god!

oh, god!

"oh, god," is right,

And delicious.

Here's some meat,

you sweetheart.

Ash, why haven't you call me back?

Hey, watch where you're going.

Up yours, lady.

Excuse me, I would like to apologize

on behalf of my little brother,

He should think before he speaks.

And please take into consideration

that he's only five years old.

Yeah, only five years old.

What he meant to say was,

Blow it out your pie hole,

you nasty ho-bag!

And up yours again, lady!

Manny, where's ashton?

Oh, sh*t,

whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, you gotta chill out.

What's going on?

I'm looking for ashton,

he's not home,

And he hasn't answered

any of my calls or texts.

Last time I checked,

my boy was a pussywhip.

She always so intense?

Oh, yeah, she's got major control issues

when she's not stoned.

She's totally killing my buzz.

I was thinking the same thing.

We keep thinking alike.

Hello, still standing here.

Right.

One minute.

what do you want?

Manny, where's ashton?

Tsk, didn't I take

this quiz already?

Really, manny? Really?

All right, have one, baby.

Mmm, baby, that felt good.

You're f***in' sexy.

I f***in' love you, b*tch.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes