Happiness Page #5

RONALD FARBER, the biggest and perhaps dumbest of the

teammates, joins in.

RONALD:

Let's beat him up afterwards.

JOHNNY concentrates. The pitcher throws the ball

and�STRIKE!

BILLY:

C'mon Johnny!

JOE:

My kid is a f***ing spaz.

TEAMMATE #2

Do we have to stay and watch this?

Strike two.

BILLY:

Concentrate, Johnny! You can do it!

JOE:

You hit the f***ing ball or

I'm gonna smash your f***ing face in.

PARENT #1

(to BILL)

You know, this really is unfair

to the other kids.

Strike three.

37.INT. MCDONALD'S - DAY.37.

While BILLY and JOHNNY play video games, BILL and JOE eat at

a table.

JOE:

Bill, I dunno. Maybe I should

talk to you. You're a specialist

in these things, aren't you?

BILL:

Well, I don't know. That depends�

JOE:

Look, my son's a fag.

I'm not blind to these things.

BILL:

How come you're so sure he's�gay?

JOE:

What, are you kidding?

BILL:

Well, it's just sometimes�appearances

can be deceiving. And besides. Even

if you're right. There's not much

you can do, is there?

Pause.

JOE:

What do you think would happen if

I got him a professional�you know�

BILL:

A professional?

JOE:

Hooker. You know, the kind that

can teach things�first-timers,

you know�break him in.

BILL:

But Joe, he's 11.

JOE:

You're right, you're right.

It's too late. He is�what he is.

Forget I said anything.

BILL:

Maybe you ought to discuss it with Betty.

JOE:

I can't. I can't talk to her.

BILL:

Hmm. That's a problem.

JOE:

Things aren't too good between us�

BILL:

Not too good.

JOE:

No.

Pause.

BILL:

Are you�?

JOE:

No.

(a beat)

She's a dyke.

BILLY and JOHNNY approach.

BILLY:

Dad, can Johnny sleep over tonight?

BILL:

Well, that's up to Joe here.

JOE:

(pause)

Sure. Whatever.

JOHNNY AND BILLY

Yeah!!!

JOHNNY and BILLY hold each other as they jump for joy.

JOE:

(to himself)

Like girls.

38.EXT. BILL'S PLACE - NIGHT.38.

The lights are on. The TV is on.

The family can be heard laughing and playing some board

game.

39.INT. BILL'S PLACE - NIGHT.39.

BILL is preparing hot fudge sundaes. He mixes some powdered

drugs into the fudge before pouring it onto the ice cream.

He brings a tray loaded with bowls of sundaes into the TV

room.

BILL:

Come and get it!

TRISH:

Oh, Bill. You shouldn't have.

BILL:

Here, take. You only live once.

Everyone grabs a bowl, except JOHNNY.

BILL:

Aren't you having, Johnny?

JOHNNY:

No, thank you, Dr. Maplewood.

BILLY:

Johnny hates chocolate fudge.

BILL:

Well, is there something

you'd like instead?

JOHNNY:

No, thank you.

BILL:

What about to drink?

TRISH:

Oh, leave him alone. He's fine.

BILL:

No, but there must be something�

JOHNNY:

Do you have any grape Hi C?

BILL:

Do we, Trish?

TRISH:

I'm afraid not.

BILL:

I could go pick some up.

TRISH:

Bill, don't be silly. He doesn't

need anything. It's late.

JOHNNY:

Do you have any tuna salad?

BILL:

Would you like a sandwich?

JOHNNY:

Yes, please.

BILL:

Coming right up!

TRISH:

I'm going to bed, Bill.

BILL:

I'll be there soon.

TRISH:

Look at that Timmy, can hardly

keep his eyes open. Come on, Timmy.

(to BILLY and JOHNNY)

You boys, don't stay up to late!

TRISH shuffles off with little CHLOE and TIMMY.

BILL returns to the kitchen, hastily fixes a tuna sandwich,

spiking it with gobs of his powder.

BILL brings the sandwich in to JOHNNY. He finds BILLY

already fallen asleep.

BILL:

Here we are!

JOHNNY:

Thanks, Dr. Maplewood.

BILL:

What happened to Billy?

JOHNNY:

I don't know. I guess

he just conked out.

JOHNNY is glued to the TV. He doesn't touch the tuna

sandwich.

BILL:

Aren't you going to eat the sandwich?

JOHNNY:

In a minute.

BILL:

Take your time.

BILL waits.

JOHNNY:

Dr. Maplewood, would it be

alright if I ate this tomorrow?

BILL:

(not losing his self-control)

Well, sure, but I don't know if

it's taste any good tomorrow.

JOHNNY examines the sandwich. He turns back to the TV.

Just when all seems lost, however, he takes a bite.

BILL:

How is it?

JOHNNY:

Actually, it's really good.

BILL:

Enjoy it.

BILL then rises, checks in on TRISH, CHLOE, and TIMMY: they

are all sound asleep.

BILL pauses in the hallway to look at a family portrait.

Then he returns to the TV room.

BILL:

(testing)

Johnny? Johnny?

But JOHNNY too is now sound asleep. BILL takes away the

unfinished tuna sandwich and plate and brings them into the

kitchen. He dumps the tuna remains into the garbage, puts

the plate into the dishwasher, turns it on.

BILL lifts BILLY up and carries him off to bed. He tucks

him in.

BILL returns to the TV room, where JOHNNY lies. He places

him on the couch, then stands hovering over him.

The TV is left on.

40.EXT. MAPLEWOOD HOME - MORNING.40.

The gardener is mowing the lawn. A postman drops off the

mail. Little children play ball.

41. INT. MAPLEWOOD HOME - MORNING.41.

TIMMY, BILLY, and JOHNNY are in the TV room watching TV.

TRISH snuggles in bed next to BILL. They are very

kissy-kissy.

TRISH:

Oh, Honey. I feel so good now.

BILL:

Me too.

TRISH:

I haven't slept so well in so long.

BILL:

Me neither.

TRISH:

It's weird. I feel as if we� Bill,

did we? I mean, did you� Did I�?

BILL:

Yes.

Pause.

TRISH:

I don't remember�

BILL:

That's okay. It doesn't matter.

TRISH:

It matters.

BILL:

Forget about it.

TRISH:

Okay.

(a beat)

It's funny, 'cause I remember

I was dreaming and you were there�

and Billy�and Timmy and Chloe�

and Johnny Grasso�

BILL:

Oh?

TRISH:

I can't really remember anything more,

except�I don't know. Oh, Bill.

Please don't get mad at me. I know

you hate it when I ask, but�

Do you still?

BILL:

Oh.

TRISH:

Oh.

Pause.

BILL:

Yes. Very very much.

TRISH:

Oh, Bill, and I do too!

I'm sorry I need to keep being

reminded, it's just�

BILL:

I know.

TRISH:

And we haven't been�

BILL:

I know. And it's my fault.

TRISH:

My fault.

BILL:

Trish, I�.

TRISH:

I know.

BILL:

No, I�I�.

Just when things get hot and heavy, CHLOE starts screaming

o.s.

Pause.

TRISH:

(kisses him)

Later.

She rises and leaves the room.

42.INT. BILL'S KITCHEN - DAY.42.

JOHNNY sits at the table with the funnies. BILL is sipping

coffee, reading the paper.

TIMMY runs around in the b.g.

BILL:

Where's Billy?

JOHNNY:

Watching TV.

BILL:

How come you're not playing together?

JOHNNY:

I don't know. Billy just said

he didn't feel like it.

(a beat)

Dr. Maplewood?

BILL:

Yes?

JOHNNY:

Can you drive me home now?

BILL:

Well, sure, but�are you

having a good time?

JOHNNY:

I'm not feeling so well.

BILL:

What's the matter?

JOHNNY:

I don't know. I think�.

He throws up on the funnies.

43.INT. CAR - DAY.43.

BILL is driving JOHNNY home.

JOHNNY:

Dr. Maplewood?

BILL:

Yes, Johnny?

JOHNNY:

I'm sorry I threw up.

BILL:

Don't worry about it.

JOHNNY:

'Cause I really had a good time.

BILL:

Good. Billy did too. We all did.

BILL puts his arm around him affectionately. JOHNNY, very

sleepy, leans in close against him.

JOHNNY:

Dr. Maplewood?

BILL:

Yes, Johnny?

JOHNNY:

You're so cool.

And he falls asleep, his head sinking into BILL'S lap.

A string of saliva drips from JOHNNY's lips onto BILL's

pants.

44.EXT. MAPLEWOOD HOME - NIGHT.44.

The lights are on. The TV is on.

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