Happy-Go-Lucky Page #2

Don't put that on yet.

Let's have a look.

Little bit more. What about the fringing?

You could do a bit more|on the fringing there, couldn't you?

Hungry? It's going to be lunch time soon.

But I'm not a cook.|It's lunch time in a minute.

We're going to lunch in a minute.

You can wash your hands.

Who's ready?

Hey!

Oh, wow! That is fantastic. Look at you go!

Whooh! Flap your arms. Flap your wings.

Bit dangerous, innit?

What?

Putting these over their heads.

I'm trying to suffocate them.|That's my goal. Little buggers.

- They look great.|- How was your weekend?

- Crap.|- Oh, no, why's that, then?

I didn't do much, just stayed in, really.

It's the weekend, Tash.

- I know. I had a run-in with my mum.|- Did ya?

Mm. My sister was working Saturday.|I had to look after Jasmine.

- How is she?|- That girl eats too much.

Bless her.

She ate three chicken legs and four jam tarts|and then wants to tell me she's starving.

The little piglet.

- I dropped her off to my mum's.|- Yeah?

I said you've got to tell Sherryanne|that she needs to put this girl on a diet.

You'll give her a complex, she's 7.

All of a sudden Mum doesn't want to get|involved, for the first time in her life.

Then I'm just leaving the house|and my two aunts arrive from Dollis Hill.

Oh, no.

So we get the Spanish Inquisition.|"Tash, you got a boyfriend?

Are you getting married soon? Why don't you|give your mother another grandchild?

You know she nearly 60. She getting old."

Aargh!

I was, like, "I haven't got a boyfriend.|I won't be getting married soon,

and, no, I won't be investing|in a mortgage in the near future,

thank you very much."

- Then I just closed the door and left.|- End of.

- You cooking?|- Yeah, are you cooking?

I'm cooking with gas. What we having?

- Food.|- That makes a change.

- Are you hungry?|- I'm ravishing.

- Aren't you just.|- Thank you.

How did it go today?

What, with my flying flock of feathered friends?

Good, they loved it. Flapping away they were.

- Were they?|- Yeah, bless them.

I had to nip it in the bud with my lot|before they flew out the window.

It was OK, though, was it?

Oh, yeah, I played them Stravinsky after lunch|just to calm them down.

- What did you play?|- The Rite Of Spring.

I booked my first driving lesson.

- Did you?|- Yeah.

- When is it?|- 12 o'clock, Saturday.

Excellent, well done you.

- I'll set the table.|- Yeah, it's nearly ready.

Yeah, I know.

I love the end of the week.|- You don't say.

- I do, actually.|- Do you?

- Yeah.|- Oh.

You know I take this dance class|on a Friday afternoon, the golden time.

I swear to God, half the kids are bigger than me.

- That's not hard, though, is it, eh, titch?|- No, I don't mean taller, I mean wider.

You want to be careful, you know?

You don't want the kids jumping about|expressing themselves. A bit dangerous.

Yeah, you do all that on Friday,

but then they spend the weekend indoors,|glued to their Nintendo DS.

Totally. A couple of weeks ago|I came in Monday -

I told Poppy - sat the kids down for carpet time,

asked them what they did over the weekend.

Gorgeous weather.|Not one of them had been out.

They'd all been sitting at home|on their PlayStations.

- You couldn't get them up off the carpet.|- When they got up, they were wheezing.

- That's pollution for you.|- We always used to go to the park.

- A lot of them don't have parks to go to.|- Yeah, exactly.

But you don't need a park to go for a walk.

If Mum and Dad don't go out, the kids don't.

Parents are too frightened|to let their kids play out.

Even a bit of green by the estate,|they don't let them play there.

But it's hard for a lot of mums and dads, isn't it?

They've had a hell of a week.|They're under pressure and stress.

- Tell me about it.|- They get back from work, if they work...

You know. A lot of them are|single mums, they're exhausted.

It's understandable if they don't take|their kids out for a lovely picnic.

It's not acceptable. Life's hard, but if|you want to find a way you find it, innit?

- Some parents can't be bothered.|- Yeah, I know.

So instead they let their kids|stay up half the night on chat rooms.

- Yeah!|- Yeah, that's worrying.

- Scary.|- Makes me so angry.

A lot of seven-year-olds know more|about the internet than we do.

At least people are talking about it. That's good.

- Is it?|- Well, yeah. It means we're aware.

I'm aware smoking's bad for me.|It doesn't mean I'll stop.

- As long as you know what will kill you.|- Thanks.

Any time.

I know drinking's bad for me,|but, you know... I can't help myself.

- Oh, shame.|- Cheers!

Cheers, everyone! Here's to our livers|and all who drown in them.

Careful, Poppy, you got your first|driving lesson tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, quick, put that down.

You don't want to mess up your blind spot.

- Oh, that sounds good.|- Oh, it's here. How many fingers?

- That must be for you.|- I'm so excited!

You should do some deep breathing|before you get in the car.

Ooh, can't see him. Wish me luck.

Good luck. I'll keep the emergency|services on standby.

Any excuse, eh?|I know what you're like with firemen.

Hello. Scott?

- Are you Poppy?|- That's me. Nice to you meet you.

Right, the car's just here.

They're not infected! What are you like?

They're clean, I just washed them specially,|honest.

- This it?|- You get in the passenger seat.

- You know it's me learning to drive?|- We have to talk a few things through.

Oh, have we? Fair enough. If you insist.

- Did you choose this colour car?|- Make yourself comfortable.

- Thank you. Is this your car?|- No, it's the company's car.

- Oh, right, what's your car like, then?|- It is my car.

You said it was the company's car.|Make your mind up.

- Have you got your provisional licence?|- Yep!

There you go. That's me on a bad day.

- Is that your real name, Pauline?|- Right.

- OK, everything seems to be in order.|- Does it? That's good.

Now, have you ever had|a driving lesson before?

Yeah. No, it wasn't really a lesson.|It was in a Cadillac in Miami.

Bunny-hopped down the beach.|I was a bit pissed, it was hilarious.

We won't be pissed when driving this car, OK?

We're not going to bunny-hop.|We'll focus and concentrate.

I'm going to take you to a spot|we take all learner drivers.

- Are you?|- We'll go through the cockpit drill.

- Oh, naughty.|- You'll listen and take responsibility.

I'll see what I can do.

- OK. Put your seat belt on.|- Will do, Captain Scott.

Here we go, gigolo.

- So you spoke to the office?|- I spoke to your boss.

He's not my boss, I work for myself.|I'm my own man.

But it's his car... or it's your car... Someone.

And they told you the price - 22.50 an hour?

That's right. Cheap as chips, you lot.

- We may be cheap but we're better.|- Are you?

You go with the big companies,|they use inexperienced instructors.

They don't?

They've just passed their test and charge more.

Bastards.

Us experienced instructors, we go|with small companies and charge less.

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