Happy-Go-Lucky Page #7

He hits me.

- He hits you.|- Yeah.

You know that's not right, don't you, Nick?

- It was lovely to meet you.|- Yeah, you too.

Thank you. I think he'll be all right.

- Of course.|- Yeah.

- He's got a good teacher.|- Has he? Where is she? I can't see her.

- I'm looking at her.|- Oh. Thank you very much.

- I wouldn't mind looking at her again.|- She wouldn't mind looking at you again.

Really? That's good.

- Give us your number.|- OK, I'll write it down.

That's a start.

There you go.

- Thank you very much.|- You're welcome.

- Goodbye.|- See you.

Are you all right? Had a good week?

- Yeah.|- Oh, that's a bonus.

Smells in here.

I didn't know you had a dog.

No, it isn't a dog. I just had a lesson.

- Bit stinky, was he?|- Could say that.

- You got a dog?|- No, I live in a flat.

Be cruel, wouldn't it? I'd love a dog.|Have you ever had a dog?

- Your mum and dad got a dog?|- My dad's dead.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

- How do you get on with your mum?|- I don't.

Oh.

You live with your mum and dad?

No.

How old do you think I am, 12?

- 22, 23?|- Oh, I like you.

You can stay.

I'm 30.

Old maid, now.

So, do you live on your own?

No. I live with my flatmate.

Nearly 10 years now. She done well, bless her.

- That's a long time.|- She's gorgeous. I love her.

What do you mean, you love her?

I mean, I love her. She loves me.|We love each other.

What, so you're...

What?

Yeah, that's it. That's us.

- You got a problem with that, Scott?|- No, nothing to do with me.

I don't think it is.

- OK, check your mirrors. Enrahah.|- Yeah, checking, checking.

Indicate and knock on the door,|let them know you want to come in.

Knock on the door, OK. Put your foot|down on the clutch. Put it in first gear.

OK, find your biting point just before you go.|OK, stop.

- What?|- Put the car in neutral.

Put the car in neutral, the hand brake on.

Take your hand off the steering wheel,|foot off the pedal, turn off the ignition.

- I haven't started.|- I've stopped.

- Now you tell me why I've stopped.|- Got a headache?

No. Yes! I have got a headache|and you tell me why I've got one.

Erm... I don't know. Time of the month?|Oh, give me a clue.

Well, think. Top to toe. Top to toe.

- Boots, Poppy. Boots.|- Oh, here we go.

Every week I ask you,|"Please wear appropriate footwear."

And every week you insist|on wearing those stupid boots.

- Yeah, sorry about that.|- You know what this is?

- This is vanity before safety.|- Oh, right.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Jones. I'm sorry.|Poppy killed your child,

but don't worry, she looked really cool|in her sexy, seductive boots."

- Am I keeping you awake at night?|- No.

Are you sure about that?

Shall we get on with the lesson?

Will you do something about your boots?

I don't think so. They're fine. I'm comfy in these.

A lot of people drive in heels.

Very well, on your head be it.

Yeah, okey-dokey.

Keep to the left of the centre. Enrahah. Enrahah.

When we come to this bend, what do we do?

- Are you expecting the worst?|- We keep to the left.

We expect a juggernaut, OK?

- Expect the worst.|- Expecting the worst.

- More gas, more gas.|- Expecting the worst.

- Expecting the worst.|- More gas.

- There's a juggernaut, get down!|- Poppy, put both hands on the wheel

and keep your eyes on the road!

- There was a juggernaut, Scott.|- There wasn't a juggernaut.

- That was a stupid thing to do, Poppy.|- There was a little...

- Give me gas. Give me gas.|- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- I'm giving you gas.|- Away from the bend. Give me gas.

Right.

- Poppy.|- Yeah?

I am not going to allow you|to endanger both of us,

just for you to have your stupid little joke.

I mean, if you want to make jokes,|if that's what you want to do,

then I will gladly sit here|and you can take the mickey out of me

for 22.50 an hour - it's your money.

- I'm big enough. I can take it.|- Can you?

But I will not allow you|to endanger yourself, myself,

and other road users just for your amusement.

I wasn't taking the mickey, Scott.

- I'm sorry.|- Don't touch me! Don't you touch me!

Right, that's it. Get out!

- What's happening now?|- Get in the passenger seat.

- Why?|- The lesson is over. I'm taking you home.

Oh. So, that's that, then, is it?

All right, then.

Speak to the office and when they ask you,|tell them I can't teach you.

F***ing!

Take it easy, Scott. It's all right. It's all right.

Well, come on, then. Let's go.|It's costing me enough money as it is.

All I ask is that you behave like an adult.

What? Like you, Scott?

It's like musical cars, this.

- What now?|- Get in the driver's seat, please.

I've never given up on a pupil.

Oh, so that bit's over, is it?|Oh, well, make your mind up.

Do you want to have a walk,|get a breath of fresh air or something?

No? All right, then.

Check your mirrors.

What about that guy you gave up on|the other week, eh?

He passed his test this morning.

- Oh, well, that's good.|- He didn't deserve to.

He was very rude.|He didn't even say thank you.

I don't know, some people. Doesn't take much.

- It's just the little things.|- That's right.

Enrahah.

Keep to the left of the centre of the road.

You can make jokes while you're driving,|but you will crash and you will die laughing.

Well, if you're going to go,|it's the best way to go, I suppose.

- Are you scared of death?|- No, I'm not scared of death.

I'm scared of dying. That's why I woke up.

- Oh, when did you wake up?|- A long time ago.

- Who set the alarm?|- I did.

- I opened my eyes and I saw.|- And what did you see?

You can laugh while Rome is burning,|but believe you me, Poppy, it is burning.

And if you don't wake up,|then you will be burnt to a cinder.

I mean, look around you. What do you see?|Do you see happiness?

Do you see a policy of bringing|happiness to people? No. No.

You see ignorance and fear.

You see... You see the disease|of multiculturalism,

and what is multiculturalism?

Multiculturalism is non-culturalism.

And why do they want non-culturalism?

Because they want to reduce collective will.

The American Dream never happened.

The American nightmare is already here.

Look at the Washington Monument.

It is 555 feet above the ground|and 111 feet below the ground.

Keep to the left of the centre of the road.

Are you an only child, Scott?

Enrahah. Use all your mirrors.

Watch your speed.

Same time next week?

- Of course.|- Of course.

Stay happy.

- Oh, come on, Suzy.|- Don't worry, she'll be here.

What time's Helen expecting us?

- She wanted us there by four.|- She's going to go nuts.

Not much I can do about that. Runs in the family.

How was your lesson?

I don't know. Dark.

- How do you mean, dark?|- Dark as the night.

He hasn't been feeling you up, has he?

I'd like to see him try.

Touching your knee instead of the gear stick,|that old chestnut.

No.

You all right, Poppy?

Yeah. I think I'm just worried about Helen.

Really, how do you mean?

- Should have gone to see her ages ago.|- Yeah, families, eh?

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