Happy Birthday, Wanda June Page #4

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PAUL:

(smolderingly)

I don't care what she wears.

SHUTTLE:

Something's made you sore.

PAUL:

Don't worry about it.

SHUTTLE:

You bet I'll worry about it. I

said something wrong?

PAUL:

(close to angry tears)

It's my father's birthday--that's

all.

(facing everybody,

raising his voice)

That's all. Who cares about that?

SHUTTLE:

(horrified, raising

his hand to swear an oath)

I had not the slightest inkling.

(to PENELOPE, feeling betrayed)

Why didn't you say so?

PAUL:

(bitterly)

She doesn't care! She's not

married any more! She's going to

have fun!

(to PENELOPE)

I hope you have so much fun you can

hardly stand it.

(to WOODLY)

Dr. Woodly--I hope you make up even

better jokes about my father than

the ones you've said so far.

SHUTTLE:

(reaching out for PAUL)

Kid--kid--

PAUL:

(to SHUTTLE)

And I wish you'd quit touching me

all the time. It drives me nuts!

SHUTTLE:

(reaching out again)

What's this?

PAUL:

(recoiling)

Don't!

SHUTTLE:

(aghast)

You sure misunderstood something--

and we'd better get it straight.

PAUL:

Explain it to them. I'm bugging

out of here.

He grabs a jacket from a chair. SHUTTLE is in his way.

PAUL:

Don't touch me. Get out of the way.

SHUTTLE:

Men can touch other men, and it

doesn't mean a thing. Haven't you

ever seen football players after

they've won the Superbowl?

PENELOPE:

(to PAUL)

Where will you be?

PAUL:

Anywhere but here. I'd just sit

here and cry about the way my

father's been forgotten.

SHUTTLE:

I worship your father. That

stuffed alligator your mother gave

me--the one he shot? It's the

proudest thing in my apartment.

PAUL:

(at the door)

Everybody talks about how rotten

kids act. Grownups can be pretty

rotten, too.

He exits through front door, slams it.

SHUTTLE:

(heartbroken)

Kid--kid--

WOODLY:

It's good. Let him go.

SHUTTLE:

If he'd just come out for the

Little League, the way I asked him,

he'd find out we touch all the

time--shove each other, slug each

other, and just horse around. I'm

going to go get him--

WOODLY:

Don't! Let him have all the

privacy he wants. Let him grieve,

let him rage. There has never been

a funeral for his father.

PENELOPE:

I never knew when to hold it--or

who to ask, or what to say.

WOODLY:

Tonight's the night.

SHUTTLE:

If he'd just get into scouting, and

camp out some, and see how

everybody roughhouses around the

fire--

WOODLY:

What a beautiful demonstration this

is of the utter necessity of rites

of passage.

SHUTTLE:

I feel like I've been double-

crossed.

(to PENELOPE, peevishly)

If you'd just told me it was

Harold's birthday--

PENELOPE:

What then?

SHUTTLE:

We could have had some kind of

birthday party for him. We could

have taken Paul to the fight with us.

WOODLY:

Minors aren't allowed at fights.

SHUTTLE:

Then we'd stay home and eat venison

or something, and look through the

scrapbooks. I've got a friend who

has a whole freezer full of striped

bass and caribou meat.

(going to the front door)

I'm going to bring that boy back.

He exits through front door.

WOODLY:

(going to PENELOPE)

This is very good for us.

PENELOPE:

It is?

WOODLY:

The wilder Paul is tonight, the

calmer he'll be tomorrow.

PENELOPE:

As long as he keeps out of the park.

WOODLY:

After this explosion, I think,

he'll be able to accept the fact

that his mother is going to marry

again.

PENELOPE:

The only thing I ever told him

about life was, "Keep out of the

park after the sun goes down."

WOODLY:

We've got to dump Shuttle.

(pointing to the

vacuum cleaner)

He brings his vacuum cleaner on dates?

PENELOPE:

That's the XKE.

WOODLY:

The what?

PENELOPE:

It's an experimental model. He

doesn't dare leave it in his car,

for fear it will fall into the

hands of competition.

WOODLY:

What kind of a life is that?

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