Happy Birthday, Wanda June Page #5

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PENELOPE:

He told me one time what the

proudest moment of his life was.

He made Eagle Scout when he was

twenty-nine years old.

(clinging to him suddenly)

Oh, Norbert--promise me that Paul

has not gone into the park!

WOODLY:

(pause)

If you warned him against it as

much as you say, it's almost a

certainty.

PENELOPE:

(petrified)

No! Oh no! Three people murdered

in there in the last six weeks!

The police won't even go in there

any more.

WOODLY:

I wish Paul luck.

PENELOPE:

It's suicide!

WOODLY:

I'd be dead by now if that were the

case.

PENELOPE:

Meaning?

WOODLY:

Every night, Penelope, for the past

two years, I've made it a point to

walk through the park at midnight.

PENELOPE:

Why would you do that?

WOODLY:

To show myself how brave I am. The

issue's in doubt, you know--since

I'm always for peace--

PENELOPE:

I'm amazed.

WOODLY:

Me, too. I know something not even

the police know--what's in the park

at midnight. Nothing. Or, when

I'm in there, there's me in there.

Fear and nobody and me.

PENELOPE:

And maybe Paul. What about the

murderers? They're in there!

WOODLY:

They didn't murder me.

PENELOPE:

Paul's only twelve years old.

WOODLY:

He can make the sound of human

footsteps--which is a terrifying

sound.

PENELOPE:

We've got to rescue him.

WOODLY:

If he is in the park, luck is all

that can save him now, and there's

plenty of that.

PENELOPE:

He's not your son.

WOODLY:

No. But he's going to be. If he

is in the park and he comes out

safely on the other side, I can say

to him, "You and I are the only men

with balls enough to walk through

the park at midnight."

(pause)

On that we can build.

PENELOPE:

It's a jungle out there.

WOODLY:

That's been said before.

PENELOPE:

He'd go to a movie. I think that's

what he'd do. If I were sure he

was in a movie, I could stop

worrying. We could have him paged.

Lion doorbell roars.

WOODLY:

I hate that thing.

He opens the door, admits SHUTTLE, who carries a bakery box.

PENELOPE:

Did you see him?

SHUTTLE:

Yeah.

PENELOPE:

Is he all right?

SHUTTLE:

Far as I know.

PENELOPE:

Is he coming home?

SHUTTLE:

He ditched me. He started running,

and I started running, then he lost

me in the park.

PENELOPE:

The park!

SHUTTLE:

It's dark in there.

PENELOPE:

And that's where he is!

SHUTTLE:

I figure he ducked in one place and

ducked out another.

PENELOPE:

(disgusted with him)

You figure!

SHUTTLE:

Then I saw this bakery store that

was still open, so I bought a

birthday cake.

PENELOPE:

A what?

SHUTTLE:

For Harold. When Paul comes home,

we can have some birthday cake.

PENELOPE:

How nice.

SHUTTLE:

They had this cake somebody else

hadn't picked up. It says, "Happy

Birthday, Somebody Else."

WOODLY:

"Happy Birthday, Wanda June!"

SHUTTLE:

We can take off the "Wanda June"

with a butter knife.

PENELOPE:

Did you talk to Paul?

SHUTTLE:

Before he started to run. He said

his father carried a key to this

apartment around his neck--and

someday we'd all hear the sound of

that key in the door.

PENELOPE:

We've got to find him.

(preparing to exit

through front door)

I want you to show me exactly where

you saw him last.

(to WOODLY)

And you stay here, Norbert, in case

he comes home.

(to SHUTTLE)

That's all he said--the thing about

the key?

SHUTTLE:

He said one other thing. It wasn't

very nice.

PENELOPE:

What was it?

SHUTTLE:

He told me to take a flying f*** at

the moon.

Blackout.

SCENE THREE:

DARKNESS. Lights come up on living room. WOODLY is alone,

asleep on the couch.

HAROLD lets himself and LOOSELEAF in through the front

door--quietly. HAROLD has a full beard and a paunch.

LOOSELEAF is skinnier. He has a handlebar moustache. Both

wear new sports clothes and smoke expensive cigars. HAROLD

is calm. LOOSELEAF is nervous, confused. They prowl the

room cautiously, checking this and that. HAROLD awakens

WOODLY by playing with his feet.

WOODLY:

(startled)

Ooops.

HAROLD:

(to LOOSELEAF, very amused)

Ooops.

WOODLY:

Can I--uh--help you gentlemen?

HAROLD:

(moving downstage,

feeling at home)

Gentlemen--that's nice.

WOODLY:

(to LOOSELEAF)

You startled me.

LOOSELEAF:

Yeah. We just got here.

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