Happy Christmas Page #3

that was a one-time thing.

All right.

Everything's great.

(JEFF LAUGHING)

Thank you so

much for doing this.

No, I'm excited.

Is it okay if I

just leave that...

Yeah, yeah.

I'll... I got it.

It's not so dirty.

There's so many dishes. I'm sorry.

No, no.

This is the whole point.

No, you don't have to...

I've gotta earn my keep.

You're fine.

You're great.

Okay. So he is gonna

have to have lunch.

Yeah.

And a little snack.

A good thing for him to

have is any of that.

Okay.

If he tries to get cookies,

no, he can't have cookies.

Okay.

But there's

something in the fridge.

It's wrapped in Saran Wrap

and it's obviously...

His lunch. This is the... Yeah.

A baby lunch.

Okay. Okay. Easy.

But I'll show you.

It's this, there.

Yeah.

So just heat that up in the

microwave for 30 seconds.

Do you want me to text you updates every,

like...

Oh. If you...

I can send you pictures,

"He's still alive."

That's, yeah, if you want to, yeah.

Okay.

That would be... Yeah.

Okay.

Are you nervous?

No, I'm excited. I'm excited.

He's... I'm gonna make him love me.

He loves you.

Hi, I'm just calling

to make an appointment

for my son for

a two-year checkup.

His name is Jude Spelling.

Jude is currently

making me a sandwich.

Yep, alive and well.

Jude, what about this?

Uh-oh!

Can you do this, Jude?

Can you dance, Jude?

Can you do this?

No.

(TOY CHIMES)

Do I put it in now?

Is that what he wants?

I know I want a baby,

but I don't actually know why.

Oh!

I mean, you are very cute,

but if I spend

another hour with you,

I'm gonna pass out

and maybe never wake up.

Buddy?

What do you want, Jude?

(JUDE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Karate?

No idea.

No.

If you were to have a...

Do you feel like you would wait

a long time to have a baby?

Can we have those?

I don't know.

I don't feel like I want a baby.

Oh.

Like, ever, maybe?

But I'm not grossed out by Jude.

Well, I have

the reverse reaction,

which is I am

slightly grossed out

and I definitely want a baby.

Do you want

this back? Yeah!

I don't know if he knows how to dip,

but this was in there, so...

There you go, buddy.

Lunchtime.

Make a crude gesture.

No!

Just make a face

that doesn't seem like

a face of a person

who should be with a baby.

That's my face all the time.

Do it.

That's Jude and Jenny.

That's just Jude. Just Jude.

I can't tell...

Can you tell that's Jude?

And that's a picture of my butt.

(DOOR CREAKS)

Hi. Sorry.

Hi.

Hello. Hi. I am Kelly.

Hi!

Sorry. This is Carson.

Right.

It's so nice to meet you.

I heard about your fancy name.

CARSON:
You have

such a fancy house.

This house is amazing.

Yeah.

I think it's so fun and funky

and sexy in a weird way.

I love it.

Well, thank you, Carson.

How are you doing?

Good. Jude was amazing.

He's f***ing funny.

He's really funny, yeah.

And such a friendly person.

Yeah.

I found the little

Tupperware things

and he wanted to feed us a lot,

but, he ate, you know...

He ate his food.

...80 percent of it.

How long has he

been sleeping for?

JENNY:
He went down

right at 1:
00, so...

Good. Okay. Great.

Well, thank you for

doing that. I really...

It was no problem.

You know...

It was great to get to know him.

I appreciate it.

Okay.

I'm gonna make some dinner for...

Do you want to have

a drink with us?

I could make you this

delightful concoction.

You should have a beer with us.

No, it's nice to

hang out in here.

We never really

do as much as I...

JENNY:
So do it.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

I'll have a beer with you guys.

I think she's so pretty.

She's so...

I'm gonna murder you.

I think she's so pretty.

Yeah, she is.

In that way where it's like,

"I didn't have time to take a shower.

"I didn't have time to do anything.

I'm just momming it up."

And she's so pretty.

Yeah, she's great.

Cheers!

Cheers. Cheers.

It's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you, too.

Heard a lot about you.

What's your job?

I'm... I stay at

home with Jude.

I'm a stay-at-home

mom, I guess.

That's so nice.

But you're...

She's a novelist. She's a writer.

Are you?

She's... She wrote, like...

She wrote this book that's

so beautiful that I read

and I don't understand

exactly what it means,

just 'cause I'm too stupid to get it,

because it's that...

Jenny.

It's so good.

You know those books where you're like,

"This is so good,"

but, I mean,

you can't... Yeah.

But it's completely going...

And smart people are like...

That's not how

you're supposed to feel.

So are you

writing another novel?

Yeah. Yes.

The plan is that I'm writing.

I'm in the process of it.

It's taking a while,

and I'm busy.

Is it hard to

find time to write?

Yeah. It's really hard.

You know,

I feel like I just started a different job.

I have a new job now.

It's a very complicated

issue to talk about.

If you don't have kids...

You know, before we had a kid,

I sort of had this idea that we would,

you know, both be working.

I didn't understand

completely that

it was like, every

moment of every day

is kind of that's

what you're doing.

Taken up.

Yeah, you're just

sort of thinking...

JENNY:
But then the baby...

about him and working and...

Jeff can take care of the baby.

He's a grown-up,

kind of. Like...

He makes money is the thing.

I don't make money

when I'm working.

But maybe you haven't

given it enough time.

You have...

Maybe yours requires a little

more of an investment

at the beginning

and you could be making more

money than him in the end.

Yeah, you're like a band where

your first album is cool

and people are always like,

"If you listen to

the first album..."

But then, your next book,

you could be...

You could, you know,

you could be like the Arcade Fire.

It's a lot of pressure.

You could be like...

Make a lot of money.

That's a lot of pressure.

And then people would be like,

"Her first book

was amazing."

And then the cool,

smart people would talk about that book.

But everybody would

read the next one.

I just feel like if I

was in that situation,

I would start to resent

my husband and feel like,

"Why the f*** am I holding this

baby all day long when you..."

I mean, it's not like

he makes that much money.

I'm not not a feminist.

I feel misrepresented slightly.

I did not...

I've read, f***ing, like, Andrea Dworkin.

You know what I mean?

I had a concept of

what my life would be like.

You're holding the fort down.

There's nobody here that doesn't

think you're a feminist.

No one's judging you.

I'm not complaining.

I'm not complaining

about being with my child.

I'm just trying to create a world

in which you can have it all.

You make me feel like a child and

you're like a woman. That's like...

Having it all is a very dangerous concept,

I feel,

because that just means that

I have to do everything.

Yeah, which...

That's deep.

It's the truth.

I mean, you know,

that's just how the world works.

And I want...

I'm not complaining.

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