Happy Christmas Page #4

I love Jude so much

and I, you know...

No one thinks you

don't love your baby.

As soon as he

came out of my body,

the moment I saw him,

I was like,

"I want to do everything I can to

make your life as great as possible."

I do feel a little bit resentful,

'cause he's like,

"I had this meeting

and I had this lunch

"with all these

fancy business people

"and the lunch went really long,

and everyone was drinking.

"So then I had to stay."

And I'm like, "That sounds like it sucks,"

and I'm wearing my f***ing

pajama top still that I didn't

get to take off.

Can I say I like you

when you are a little tipsy?

Like, so much.

Is she tipsy?

I can't tell.

It's like half a beer.

That's all it takes these days.

I wish I could wear

my pajama top to work.

I'm gonna wear my

pajama top to work.

It's a tragedy to me

that my husband comes home from

being around sexy,

independent women.

Not that it's about that,

but I feel like...

It's not fun to

be in a pajama top

that has baby food all over it.

But the point of that is

that he comes home sometimes

and he's like,

"I miss the baby and I miss being at..."

He misses it, too.

We both... Nothing's perfect.

So maybe... So maybe that's what he wants.

Right.

That's life.

I think you're so pretty.

I feel like you're a lot prettier

than you feel like you are.

That's nice.

I do.

That's a nice thing to say

to a tired old lady.

I think she is.

A drunk old lady.

Boo!

I think she's so pretty.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Um...

I kind of want to

ask you for something.

(CHUCKLES)

Just come right out and say it?

What?

A Christmas present.

Oh, my God.

I know.

We said we weren't getting

each other Chris...

You said we weren't getting

each other Christmas presents.

Yes, 'cause we are very poor.

Good grief.

We don't have any money.

What do you want?

Diamonds.

A string of them.

No.

No.

The thing that I want...

I would like to be able

to do some writing.

Okay.

To be able to go somewhere.

Okay.

By myself.

Like I'm going to a job.

Yeah.

I think it would help me.

Okay.

This is what you want from me

for your Christmas present?

Yeah.

And to have somebody

take care of Jude.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(BARKS)

Quiet. No, no. Hey!

Hey, puppy. Hey, puppy.

Hi.

Hey.

Mister Pants.

Hey, Mister Pants.

Mister Pants? Awesome.

Mister Pants.

Hey, Mister Pants.

CARSON:
How's your night?

Fine.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll get you that stuff.

Okay.

Do you want anything to drink?

Sure.

We got...

Do you have whiskey?

Yeah!

Okay. I'm not picky.

Just whatever.

I'll get you one whiskey coming up.

Here's this first.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

Thank you so much.

How... What do I owe you?

How much is it?

Nothing.

It's a little

"Welcome to Chicago" gift.

Just a taste to get me hooked.

Just a taste to get you hooked.

Keep me coming back.

You want ice?

One is fine.

Okay.

Thank you.

You are very welcome.

There you are.

Hey, buddy.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Do you wanna smoke some?

I don't know anything about...

What?

...etiquette.

I don't buy a ton of weed,

so I don't know.

Do we smoke some?

We smoke some.

I've heard that's a thing.

And we can smoke some of mine.

Especially since you...

I'm just totally

ripping you off now.

No. No, that is a gift.

You are in my town.

It's a gift.

(MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO)

I love this song.

So be forewarned.

My guy said this

is kind of strong.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

Super strong.

Okay.

Really, really, really strong.

Okay.

Stronger than that.

Is that just stuff

that you guys make up?

No.

That your guy makes up?

No, this is,

it's been tested. Trust me.

Here you are.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

I feel so f***ed up already.

Really? It's instant.

What's this stuff?

These are my little toys.

I'm in a little band.

Are they vintage?

Well, this is.

Or do they just make

them in the style of...

No, this is actually kind of old.

It's cool.

This is really old.

Is that a hobby or you make...

No, it's my thing.

I mean, I'm... You're living the dream.

I'm trying.

And babysitting by living the dream.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Sorry.

No worries.

I'm in a little band.

We make noise.

I'm serious.

We make... It's noise music.

That's funny to you?

That's really charming.

I feel like that's something you've

said to other people before.

No.

That's the first time I've

ever said that in my life.

Well, that's also not true.

(CHUCKLES) It is.

It's totally true.

My band's called Stanley.

Called what?

Stanley.

What does that mean?

That's his real name.

Mister Stanley.

I call him Mister Pants,

'cause the band

was named Stanley

after Mister Stanley.

What was Mister

Stanley named after?

Mister Stanley was named

after my favorite uncle.

And I'm lying.

I don't know.

Sorry. Just a second.

No, you're good,

you're good, you're good.

You're totally great.

You're totally awesome.

I just...

Sorry. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No. No.

You're awesome.

I'm just realizing...

It's late.

It's late.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, and I don't want to...

I'm coming over, getting drugs.

What?

It's not what I, just... Sorry.

No, I just was like, okay.

This is gonna... We're gonna hang out.

It's gonna be awesome.

But...

Right. I get it.

Tonight I'm just gonna call...

Totally.

I'm on your coat.

Quit while I'm ahead.

Yeah.

Mister Pants is here.

Yeah.

Mister Pants would disapprove.

Yeah. Totally.

I feel like he doesn't...

He wants me to

do my momma proud.

And so I'm just gonna...

call you.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm being a jerk...

No. You're not.

You're not being

a jerk at all. At all.

I totally...

This has been super fun.

Good, I...

The kissing was top notch.

Thank you. You as well.

And...

This is great. So...

Okay.

Okay.

Top notch all around.

All right.

Okay. I'm gonna call you.

Okay. I hope you do.

I don't wanna make you feel...

You're fine.

I'm so fine.

You don't have to worry about me.

Sorry, I'm really high.

I'm just, you know,

weird with new

spaces and stuff, so...

It's okay. I get it.

I totally get it.

This was all great.

Awesome.

Okay.

Okay.

Right.

Okay.

Well, get home safe.

I will.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Hey, buddy.

Hello?

Mmm!

It's so good.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Mmm! You want another bite?

Hey, sweetie.

I'm calling because

I left my power cable.

I know, like an idiot.

I feel so bad.

Would you mind just bringing it,

dropping it off for me?

I'm not even dressed or

showered or anything.

So it'll probably be an

hour before I can bring...

Hold on. Hey, Jenny?

Hold on a sec.

What's up?

Hey, what are you up to today?

Nothing.

Hello.

Hello! Hi!

Hey. This is for you.

Thank you.

That's so... Thank you.

Nice to...

This is nice!

This is cool! Thanks.

Pretty sweet.

It's good, right?

Yeah.

Thank you for...

Look at that view, bro.

Wait, so this is

Jeff's normally or...

No, I mean, I'm using it.

They rented it for the movie.

But they're not using it

for a couple of weeks,

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