Happy Death Day Page #5

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I'm gonna have his babies.

Lots to do. Gotta go.

She finally rolls in.

What's wrong?

- Ugh.

- Oh, nothing. I was...

Look, Lori.

I have been

the worst roommate.

You've always

been there for me

but I've been way too selfish

to even appreciate it.

Can we start over?

I promise not to be

such a loser.

Are you high?

On life.

Oh, by the way, phone you

about this mystery guy.

When extreme agitation occurs,

the locomotive response

in the subject

shows an accelaration...

Dr. Butler.

Can I have a word, please?

What the hell do...

What the hell

do you think you're doing?

I'm ending this.

Wait. What?

I never should've

started seeing you.

It was wrong.

And I...

Anyway, I can't change

what I've done, but

I can start trying to be

a better person today.

What lame little self-help book

did you get that from?

You know what, you have a wife

who loves you so much.

So, if you can't be faithful to her,

at least have the balls to leave.

Don't expect me to let you

coast by my class now.

Already dropped it.

I just have to say

how totally sad

and disappointing it is

when certain people

can't be bothered

to make it to a

mandatory House meeting.

We were supposed to be

picking this year's charity.

Becky...

Is that chocolate milk I see?

I skipped breakfast.

Oh!

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm, guys, it's so good.

What's up with the fat fest?

We're Kappas.

Come on, hun, live a little.

A few calories won't kill ya.

No. It'll just turn me

into a chunker.

Like Becky here.

Wait.

Oh, my God!

It'll be okay.

Hey, Tree.

Hey.

I just uh, came on by to...

What was that for?

I have to run, but what

are you doing later tonight?

Nothing.

Do you wanna take me out

for my birthday?

What's the punchline?

Look, I know

it's really random, but...

I promise I'll explain

everything tomorrow.

Assuming there is one.

Just say yes.

All right, yeah.

Cool.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Can I pay for

my coffee, please?

- You're not gonna eat?

- No, just the check, please.

I'll be right back.

Hi, Daddy. Sorry I'm late.

Like your tie.

Thanks.

How's school?

Fine.

You like your classes?

They're fine, Dad.

I don't wanna do that anymore.

Do what?

Small talk.

It's just that

this day

this day is really hard for me.

And um...

I miss Mom.

You know, miss her so much.

I miss the way that she smells.

I miss that

crazy horse laugh she has.

Yeah, me too.

And I... I guess I thought that if

I avoided all of it,

or avoided you that somehow

it would be easier.

But it's not.

It's been so much worse.

All of this running and hiding

has made me so miserable.

And I think I finally

figured it out.

I mean, it took something

like totally crazy, but...

But I'm here.

And I love you.

And I am so, so sorry

that I hurt you.

Happy birthday, baby.

Stay calm.

I need you to stand up.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Okay, good.

I guess this is a

really bad idea.

Well, so is dying

for the 16th time.

Okay.

Now, turn around.

I need you to listen to me.

He's going to escape.

We could talk about this,

just put the gun down.

He is going to escape.

Go get help.

- Go!

- Okay.

I know you're not asleep.

Open your eyes.

Safety's on, little girl.

Uh-uh

Look what we have here.

Mmm?

You know,

It's a real nice surprise

you comin' and visit me like this.

Hoo.

I like you.

Damn shame.

You're a feisty little sh*t,

ain't ya?

That's right, crawl,

little girl, crawl.

Don't worry.

I'll just make this one

real quick for ya, okay?

Hey!

Safety's off.

Thanks for the tip.

Who took my hair dryer?

So this has gotta be like

the strangest birthday

you've ever had, huh?

You have no idea.

Did you ever figure out

how Tombs got free?

No. No one knows.

It's kinda like Houdini.

Yeah, I guess.

What are you gonna wish for?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

What, is that kind of a given?

Aiming for anything higher?

Nah.

Tomorrow's good enough for me.

Shut up!

Yeah, it's my birthday

And now you gotta

pick up the phone

Oh, hey, you're up.

Carter?

Yeah. I'm surprised

you remember my name.

You were pretty wasted

last night.

This can't be happening.

- This can't be happening.

- What?

I killed him!

I stopped it!

Who?

What are you talkin' about?

What's goin' on?

I mean, look, you were

probably just having a

bad dream or something.

Like it happens to me

all the time

when I'm dreaming,

you know, I...

Nice one, d*ckhead.

She finally rolls in.

Going somewhere?

Yes.

As far away as possible.

Tree, what's wrong?

Me.

I was wrong.

I thought that if I stopped running

that I could beat it.

But it's never gonna stop.

Tree, you're freaking me out.

Oh, well, that's me,

a freak!

Tree.

Tree, look.

Happy birthday.

Thanks. But I

already ate it last night.

Oh, my God.

I died in my sleep.

What?

You killed me.

What?

You poisoned it.

But I never ate it before.

So you had to find

another way.

Then Tombs fell

right into your lap.

Perfect scapegoat.

You had access to him.

Did you drug him first?

You knew that if he escaped,

everyone would assume

that he killed me.

But it was always you.

Tree, are...

Is this a joke?

You think I would actually

try to poison you

with a freaking cupcake?

Okay then.

Prove it.

Go on, Lori.

Take a bite.

Go on, Lori.

You really are crazy.

Okay then.

I'll take it down

to the police.

I'm sure they can tell us

what your little

birthday treat is made of.

You stupid little whore.

I know I've been

a bad roommate, but...

Isn't this a bit much?

What the hell?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe because you wouldn't

stop sleeping with him.

What?

Gregory?

But he just kept choosing you

over me.

I guess all he wanted

was a cheap slut like you!

Wait, you've been killing me

over some stupid guy?

Oh, that's not the only reason.

You're a dumb b*tch, too!

What I really wanna know is,

How did you figure it out?

Because you've killed me before.

Then I guess I'm just

gonna have to do it again.

Stop.

No! B*tch!

F*** you.

No!

What the hell's going on in there?

Nothing. Tree just fell.

Everything's fine.

Whatever.

Clumsy hos.

I better see you

at the meeting today.

We'll be there.

Eat it, b*tch!

What are you losers

doing in there?

Lori

ate

my cupcake.

I just knew there was

something wrong with Lori.

She never wore makeup.

Never posted any cute selfies.

And she literally

owned a pair of Crocs.

All the signs

of a psycho killer would...

Hello?

I'm trying to get

interviewed here.

Oh, my God, she is such a tool.

Anyhoo...

Lori's little plot was super lame.

Poisoning a cupcake?

Really?

We're Kappas.

We don't eat cupcakes.

Is this local or national?

Local.

- Hey, Dad. Dad.

- Tree, are you okay?

- Are you hurt?

- Dad, no, Dad. I'm fine.

I promise.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

Just a little scratched up.

- All right.

- Okay. I'll see you soon.

- I love you.

- I love you, too. Bye.

So uh, now that your

bedroom is officially

a crime scene and all.

Where are you

planning on crashing?

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