Happy Ever Afters

[Up-tempo piano plays]

What's that?

Are you ready, Ma?

We don't have all day.

OK, keep your knickers on.

Almost there.

You're kidding me, right?

- Who put you in charge?

- Hiya.

All right. I'll get changed.

- What's up?

- Guess.

- Now?

- No!

I have nothing else.

Just do it, would you?

Don't look at me.

[Gargles]

Yeah, I do, yeah.

I do.

- Finally.

- Oh, Maura, you look gorgeous.

- What's he doing in there?

- Come on, Peter Perfect! You'll do!

Dessie, will you watch the bloody kids?

Come down here, you lot.

D'you hear me? Down!

[Groans]

Did they run out of material

when they were making that?

Yeah, they did. They used it all up

trying to cover your arse.

You little...

What am I gonna do? Look at it!

- What did you do that for? You eejit.

- What can we do?

Nothing. It's f***ed.

[Groans] We're gonna have to

call off the wedding.

- Good idea.

- Here, take mine, son.

- But what are you gonna wear?

- No worries. I've loads.

There, now.

Thanks.

You look lovely, by the way.

Thanks.

- [Doorbell rings]

- The car's here! Hurry!

D'you hear her? She thinks

she's the one getting married.

- You have told her, haven't you?

- Of course.

- Everything?

- Yeah.

Nearly.

Oh! Tell me I don't look like

a f***ing princess.

- I'll do your hair.

- [Girl] Ma!

- No! It's mine!

- [Man] Bring it round.

- Ma!

- What are you doing?

- Don't push it. Steady as you go.

- Can you not wait till tomorrow?

Too late, love.

You haven't made a payment in months.

You can get it back

if somebody doesn't buy it.

- What are we supposed to sit on?

- I'm sure you'll find something.

- I'm getting it re-covered.

- Maura O'Reilly?

- Maybe.

- There you go, love.

- Eviction notice? I don't want this.

- Don't shoot the messenger.

Molly, would you get my bag?

I think it's upstairs.

Oh. I didn't realise

things were that bad.

If you need some money, I have a bit.

I could lend it to you.

No, no. I have it under control.

But it's sweet of you to offer. Thanks.

Showtime.

There you are, me dears.

You look... marvellous, marvellous.

[Engine revving]

Stop!

- I need a quick one.

- What? You can't.

I'll just be a minute.

I need something to steady my nerves.

- No! Will you stop?

- Come on.

- Just a vodka. Molly...

- Stop. Drive! Drive!

- [Maura] Just a little one.

- No!

Don't worry, Father.

She was late the last time, too.

- Last time?

- Yeah, this is our second.

- Second time getting married.

- What, the same girl?

Yeah. We had... problems the first time

and got divorced, but we're sorted now.

Oh. It was meant to be so.

Hmm.

[Church bell rings]

[Tyres squealing]

Wait.

I'm... I'm not making

a big mistake, am I?

- But it's all arranged.

- I'm hearing alarms in my head.

They're the church bells, dummy.

It's up to you, love.

Come on.

- [# Wagner:
Bridal Chorus]

- Ah.

Hi.

Now, do you, Frederick Butler,

take Sophie Maguire...

...for your lawful wedded wife,

...to have and to hold,

from this day forward,

for better or for worse...

...for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

until death do you part?

[Indistinct muttering]

I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.

- I now pronounce you husband and wife.

- [# Mendelssohn: Wedding March]

You may kiss the bride.

- [Church bells ring]

- [Cheering]

- Ow!

- [Both] Sorry.

Well, congratulations again, Freddie.

We'll have a little chat later on, huh?

OK. Sure, Mr Maguire, sure.

Sophie, breathe in.

Oh! You have put on weight

since the last time.

Jesus Chr...

- I never thought I'd live to see this.

- Me neither.

I've managed to avoid it for 30 years

and now here I am,

and I'm not even gonna

get a ride tonight.

[Cheering]

Right, let's get pissed.

Looks kosher to me, gov. Lunch?

Bit of a coincidence, isn't it,

with him up for deportation next week?

But it's Saturday.

Got something better to do, have you?

Big plans?

- No.

- A hot date? Washing your hair?

No, you don't.

And I am dying for a slash. Duck.

Molly.

I look like a hippo. I do, don't I?

You look gorgeous.

You look gorgeous.

Don't mind the old bag, eh?

Just relax. Just relax, come on.

- It's our perfect day.

- Yeah, you're right.

Come on, Sophie, relax.

Relax.

How are you doing, Dad?

- I'm fine, Molly. How are you?

- Very good. Thanks, Dad.

[Phone bleeps]

Haven't you got something for me?

Oh, yeah, um...

I'll give it to you later.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

- Oh!

- What? Oh.

- Did you see what that guy did?

- Who?

Bloody cheek.

Follow that car! Come back here,

fella, and do that again!

- I'll cut off your balubas!

- Oh! Found it.

- [Maura] I'm talking to you! You!

- Oh, thank God.

- You OK?

- Yeah.

Hey, beautiful.

Hello. Welcome to the Napoleon Hotel.

Hi.

[Maura] Who's that?

[All arguing]

Please, please, please, please,

please, be quiet! Please!

Nobody said anything to me about two

weddings. I booked this hotel for today.

- Hey, me too.

- Yeah, so did we, sunshine.

Do you mind? We're having

a private conversation with the manager.

Oh.

Hey. Shotgun wedding, was it?

Still time to run.

[Sophie] What did she say?

Nothing. Um...

Look, what's going on here?

Lts OK. We have two reception rooms

here. There is no problem.

There. Ya happy now, Barbie?

- What does she mean by that?

- Leave it, Barbie. Leave it, Sophie.

- She's not worth it.

- Hey, there's no need to get personal.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,

all is under control.

Could the Butlers please go with Michael

and take to the left?

The Okinwes follow me to the right.

- Thank you.

- I didn't even understand that.

- This way.

- Come on, everyone! This way!

Cheerio! Congratulations.

You are very welcome, sir.

Everything as you request.

The main room. This is the dancing room.

And you've got the dining room.

I could murder a coke, Dad.

- I'll get you one, OK?

- Thanks.

Hey, could you stop calling him that?

He's not your dad.

He is now.

I was at the wedding, remember?

Seen anyone for me?

Hey, he's cute.

- Hey.

- How are you? Are you well?

Good, thanks. How are you?

Don't worry, love. Fate'll send you

someone when you least expect it.

I've no faith in fate.

It always lets me down.

Hey.

Right, what'll youse have?

If you'd like to follow me, the wedding

photographs will be taken in the garden.

Ah, Jesus. Can we not use the photos

from the last time?

- It's the same people.

- We are doing everything right, OK?

This is the real wedding.

Forget about the last one.

- Da.

- Come on, now, everybody outside.

Follow me, please.

Come this way.

OK, nice and close together.

That's it. That's lovely.

Thank you. Nice, happy smiles.

Sophie, smile. More.

- That's great. And again.

- Is that the best you can do?

Sorry, excuse me, excuse me.

I just... How do I do this?

There.

- Is that your shot?

- Yes.

- All right.

- That's it. OK, here we go.

One more. Lovely.

Have one of me and Freddie, eh?

You'd better not hurt my daughter again,

do you hear me?

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