Happy Ever Afters Page #2

- I wouldn't.

- That's good.

OK.

We'll just have one more.

Yeah, just take one more.

Ooh.

I'll be keeping me eye on you,

all right, boy?

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Right, let's go eat.

- See you inside.

- Hey, guys.

See you.

Oh, sh*t.

Yeah, be... Be there in a minute. So...

- That's me da there.

- He's not your da.

- He is. How would you know?

- You're a liar, pants on fire.

He is me da. And you were adopted.

Your real parents were axe murderers

who cut off your granny's head.

- No, they're not.

- Go ask if you don't believe me.

Ma!

Ah, champagne, Mary.

James, how are you?

Ah, girls, here you go.

No, thanks, missus.

We need something a bit stronger.

There you are. What are youse having?

Two double vodkas and slimline,

please, Da.

Where's the kids?

Hmm? I thought you had them.

Oh, Jesus. Can you

not watch them for five minutes?

[Whispers] I thought she had them.

Keep 'em coming, son.

Marriage is a wonderful thing,

eh, Dessie? A wonderful thing.

- This way.

- All right.

[Groans]

- [Maura] Here?

- Yeah.

OK.

Are you OK, guys? Smile.

See? Told you. All fine. Fifty bucks.

You're putting on

a very good show, Molly.

Thanks.

- What does he mean, show?

- Look. The photographer.

- [Groaning, moaning]

- Let me handle this guy. He's a nutter.

Hey, you.

You're ruining our photos.

[Freddie] I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

You don't look so well.

It's just... It's my back.

Two minutes with my father-in-law

and it goes.

- Let's have a look.

- No, no! I don't...

- I don't need your help. I can manage.

- OK.

No. Not... Not the suit!

[Rips]

- Oh! It's rented.

- You're a bit highly strung.

Does anyone ever tell you that?

Let me just... I saw this on TV once.

Give me that.

Hey, you! Leave her alone!

Hey, you! Leave her alone!

- I can explain.

- Leave her alone. Just stay away.

Look what you've done. Go away!

Hey!

I will... I will kill you.

You just... just leave her.

It's all right.

I'll be all right in a minute.

[Exhales heavily]

Who is she?

Who?

Oh! I... I don't know.

Some crazy person.

Really? Your hands were all over her.

My hands were...

Look...

I thought we talked about this.

Hey? Didn't we? Hmm?

Counsellor said you were to try to

stop seeing things that weren't there.

Didn't he?

- He did.

- He did.

You said you were gonna try

and work on that, didn't you?

I did. I am.

- So you don't know her?

- No, I don't know her.

And I don't want to, either.

Fine.

[Slurps]

- You eating that?

- No, go on.

Thanks very much.

- You better behave yourself tonight.

- Or what?

Or else. I'm watching you.

Yeah.

Is she his sister?

I don't know.

Mmm! This is fantastic.

I'm not eating that.

- Can I go play?

- Go on.

Don't go far.

I consider it a great privilege

to have been given

a second bite of this cherry.

Jesus. Here we go.

Sophie, you've made me a very happy man

and I hope I can make you as happy,

'cause no one deserves it more.

[Guests] Aw!

[Snoring]

They look very heavy.

You must be very strong.

What time do you get off?

- Jesus!

- My nose!

You fool. Why don't you look

where you're going? Lazy Irish.

Pompous...

Where's me money?

If there are no problems, you will get

your money at the end of the evening.

- OK?

- Nothing's gonna happen now.

This isn't America, you know.

We're not like that here.

That's what you think.

Immigration watch everything,

all the time.

They could be here, with us, right now.

Thank you.

[Applause]

[Dessie] And, finally, a big thank you

to Father Tom for such a lovely service.

It was lovely, wasn't it?

So, ladies and gentlemen,

if you'd like to join me

and toast the bride and groom.

Shall we, everyone?

- Sophie and Freddie.

- [All] Sophie and Freddie.

[Inaudible]

- [Clears throat]

- [Gasps]

- You lost?

- I'm starving.

- Didn't your mother feed you?

- No, I have to look after myself.

- Why am I not shocked?

- Yeah, and she beats me up, too.

What? She...

Here, come on.

Let me get you something to eat. Um...

- Do you like chicken?

- I love all of this.

Do you have a light?

Oh, it's you.

- She doesn't really beat you, does she?

- Only when she's really drunk.

Me mother's kind of different.

You wouldn't believe

some of the things she does.

Nothing she does would surprise me.

You know, I am gonna go

and give her a piece of my mind.

No! Lt'll only make her mad,

and then she'll beat me even more.

How's yours? Your wedding?

This is our second time around,

second time marrying each other.

You're kidding?

You went through all of this twice?

Yep.

There were some problems the first time.

I don't want to talk about it.

There was a nervous breakdown.

Six months in therapy.

Doctors, medication.

More medication.

Sorry.

- Things are OK now?

- Oh, yeah. I'm lucky.

The way I see it, I have someone

who wants to marry me two times,

and that's something, isn't it?

Do you have somebody like that?

No.

Well, anyway... I'd better...

- See you.

- Nice talking to you.

Good luck, not that you need it...

...or anything.

See you, Freddie.

- There you are. Where'd you get to?

- Oh. I've got a thumping headache.

Would you...

I've some tablets in my room.

- Stay there. Take it easy.

- OK.

I'll be right back.

You.

- Large whisky, lots of ice.

- No problem.

[Freddie exhales heavily]

I'm sorry about earlier, with the...

- Oh.

- There's nothing broken, I hope?

I'll survive.

Good, good.

- How's your stress?

- What stress?

- I'm not stressed.

- OK.

- How's your back holding up?

- It's fine.

Ooh! I'm not gonna hurt you.

You're so uptight.

- I'm not uptight.

- No, you're not.

- Just please stop doing that.

- Oh, you do need help.

I do not... I do not need help. You're

the one... Please stop doing that.

- Is it bothering you?

- It's bothering me.

Loosen up. You'll end up sick

if you keep it all bottled up.

- Sorry. What?

- It's my contact lens.

- Oh, it's gone behind my eye.

- Hold still.

- Get off.

- Let me see.

Stop it. Are you crazy?

- Are you all right?

- You've blinded me, actually.

- You're some tulip.

- Yeah.

But at least I don't beat my kids

or starve them.

What?

Oh! I see it, I see it. Don't move.

[Maura] Come on.

[Both grunting]

My nose!

Taxi!

[Siren wails]

- Sorry.

- OK.

OK?

Come on. I'll help you up.

- There we are. You all right?

- Yeah.

Well, I suppose I should say thank you.

There's no need.

Listen, I think

it would be best and safest

if you would stay away from me

for the rest of the evening.

That's fine with me, and likewise.

Hey! Go on, Wilson!

[Band plays down-tempo beat]

[Singing in foreign language]

- Two cokes, mister.

- Get out of here, kid. We're busy.

You don't look busy.

Get out of here before I...

Dad and Mum look good together,

don't they?

Yeah.

Your mum did explain all this to you,

didn't she?

Yeah. She said it wouldn't be

the usual type of marriage,

and that Wilson

wouldn't be living with us,

which is good 'cause he seems to bring

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