Happy Gilmore Page #2

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Oops. Maybe we shouId

get back inside.

You made a bet.

Pay the man.

Thanks. TeII your friends.

Step right up, foIks!

See if you can outdrive the amazing

GoIf BaII, uh, Whacker Guy!

That's great.

Very good.

Bend your knees. Remember,

it's in the hips. You're doing great.

It's in the hips.

Fifty bucks I can hit it

over the highway.

That's reaI good.

So Iong, sucker.

How often do you pIay?

This is my first time.

You shouId pIay

in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.

Yeah, right, I'II see you there.

He's going to pIay.

And, by God,

he's going to win.

Mister, you need a heImet.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, bring that sh*t on.

I Iove it.

Awesome.

God, that hurt,

but I'm okay.

What the heII

are you doing?

Just 364 more days tiII the next

hockey tryouts. I got to get tough.

God, that feIt good.

Cut that out.

You're making me sick.

So you're a hockey pIayer.

You got to give that up

and concentrate on goIf.

Who are you?

I'm the cIub pro here--

Chubbs Peterson.

I'm offering to teach you

how to pIay goIf, personaIIy, for free.

No.

You don't know who I am,

do you?

No, I don't.

Back in 1965...

...Sports IIIustrated said I wouId be

the next ArnoId PaImer.

What happened?

I wasn't aIIowed

to pIay pro anymore.

I'm sorry.

Because you're bIack?

HeII, no.

An aIIigator bit my hand off.

Oh, my God!

Tournament in FIorida.

My baII went down by a Iake.

Damn aIIigator just popped up!

Cut me down in my prime.

But I tore one of that bastard's eyes

out. Look at that.

You're pretty sick, Chubbs.

I've never seen anyone...

...who can hit the baII

haIf as far as you. You got reaI taIent.

That's nice of you to say, but

I trained aII my Iife to pIay hockey.

GoIf is no different--requires taIent,

seIf-discipIine.

GoIf requires goofy pants

and a fat ass.

TaIk to my neighbor--a great goIfer.

Huge ass.

I bet your neighbor can't drive

the baII 400 yards.

I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot

to get on the Pro Tour.

How wouId I do that?

You win the Open tomorrow,

you're on the Pro Tour.

Then, who knows? Maybe you'II win

the Tour Championship.

Get that goId jacket

I never got.

GoId jacket, green jacket--

who cares?

Don't worry. It's made of wood--

reaI sturdy.

Sorry about that.

It was good to meet you,

but, uh....

I'm out of here.

This is not reaI smart, kid.

I thought you were pro materiaI,

primed for the big bucks.

Hey, Chubbs...

...what kind of big bucks?

Stupid goIf cIubs.

Why the heII am I doing this?

Whoa--must be Burt ReynoIds

or something.

Good morning!

Isn't this great? BIue skies,

fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.

You going to recite me a poem?

Geez, you Iove this goIf stuff.

A guy your size--why not pIay

a reaI sport, Iike footbaII?

My mama wouIdn't Iet me.

Said it was too dangerous.

Yeah, good caII.

Hey, who's that?

The shorter guy is Doug Thompson,

president of the Tour.

The other guy is Shooter McGavin,

Ieading money winner this year.

Who's the girI?

I'm Virginia Venit, Director

of PubIic ReIations for the Tour.

Of course. I've heard you've done

some reaIIy interesting things.

Right now I'm working

on a promotion--

You know what wouId be great?

If I couId get a Pepsi.

Sure.

Oh, miss?

Diet.

Right.

Hey, thanks for dressing up.

If I wore cIothes Iike those,

I'd have to kick my own ass.

Good morning, everyone.

WeIcome to the Waterbury Open.

Before we begin, I have a treat for you.

Ladies and gentIemen,

Shooter McGavin.

Thank you, Doug.

I saw Doug pIay yesterday.

He spends more time in the sand

than David HasseIhoff.

Let me get serious.

You're aII aware...

...today's winner wiII be invited

to join the Pro Tour.

AIthough onIy one wiII become

my coIIeague...

...aII of you are now my friends.

Thank you.

Now go get 'em!

Next up:
Lafferty, DanieI

and GiImore...Happy.

Where you taking

those cIubs, punk?!

Mr. GiImore,

I'm your caddy.

Sorry. I'II carry these.

They're my grandfather's.

They're pretty oId.

What shouId I do then?

Why don't you just watch me...

...and make sure

I don't do anything stupid?

Mr. GiImore, Mr. Lafferty

is teeing off now.

Okay. Good Iuck, buddy.

Get out of the way.

Where were you that time,

dipshit?

ProbabIy the best I'II hit

aII day.

Mr. GiImore, you're up.

Damn it!

Time!

ReIax. Do what we discussed.

Don't Iook at the green.

Hit the baII. There's no goaIie

anywhere to bIock it.

Remember, it's aII in the hip.

Come on. Work with me.

It's aII in the hips.

AII in the hips.

It's aII in the hips.

Get off me!

Just easing the tension.

Just easing the tension.

WeII, ease it on someone eIse.

What the heII?

Good. Now we just worry

about putting.

Oh, yeah. Putting.

Remember what I said.

Use your shouIders

to push the baII, not the arms.

Don't break the wrist.

Whoa, you're confusing me.

Just Iet me put the baII in the hoIe.

Is he kidding?

This is pathetic.

Good shot.

It's about time.

True. I just couIdn't get the baII in

the hoIe. I wanted to, but I couIdn't.

He shoots, he scores!

That was much easier than putting.

I shouId try and do that every time.

Good pIan.

-Did you see that?

-Yes. Nice.

He got a hoIe in one

on a par four.

I said I saw it.

I hope he wins.

He's a pubIicist's dream.

A guy who can drive the baII

that far--he couId reaIIy draw a crowd.

So couId a goIfer with an arm

growing out of his ass.

Now, you make this one

in four or Iess shots...

...you win the tournament.

Four shots.

Think of it this way. The other team

has puIIed their goaIie.

It's wide open.

AII you have to do is tap it in.

I can do that.

Don't worry.

You're doing fine.

AII you have to do is tap it in.

Just tap it in.

Just tap it in.

Just tap it in. Just tap it in.

Give it a IittIe tappy.

Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.

Grandma, Grandma...

...Grandma, Grandma.

AII right!

He's going to be on the Tour.

Super.

That's cute.

Mr. GiImore, Virginia Venit.

I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.

Nice to meet you.

CongratuIations.

I saw that hoIe in one on a par four.

That must be a record.

I got a hockey record.

I tried to stab someone with my skate.

Nobody eIse ever did that.

That's wonderfuI.

I am a bit bummed.

I thought we got money for this.

And the guy

who comes in Iast?

usd2,400.

So no matter what,

I'II get some money.

Yeah. WeII, I'II see you

next week then.

Bye.

I hate to admit this,

but this is my first trophy.

I wish that goofy goIf guy

wasn't on top.

Maybe I'II put a hockey guy

on instead.

Happy, shut your trap.

-You were great out there today.

-Thank you.

But not that great.

A Iot of that was Iuck.

Some might caII it Iuck.

I Iike to caII it...

...weII, Iuck, I guess.

So what?

Don't join the Pro Tour yet.

We got work to do

before you go against professionaIs.

Forget it.

I'II pick up the rest as I go.

Don't be a fooI! PeopIe wouId kiII

to hit the Iong baII Iike you.

You got an advantage

over any other goIfer.

By deveIoping the rest

of your game...

...you'd be unstoppabIe.

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