Hard Ball Page #3

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mess with kids.

Jesus. It's so wrong.

How can I help you fellas?

Mister, you just sold us

tickets to last night's game.

Don't make me shoot you! When a man

needs crack, a man needs crack!

You're unbelievable, man.

- Need seats? Need two?

- How we doin' tonight?

"We"?

We aren't doin' so good.

San Jose's not such a hot ticket.

- Did the Bulls cover last night?

- Yeah, they won by nine.

Sh*t.

I couldn't get any action.

I need to find someone

who'll take a big bet.

Fink's minimum bet's two grand.

- The guy at the cement plant?

- Yeah, Fink the cement guy. Why?

- I wanna lay 1 2 G's.

- 1 2 grand? On what?

Since Jordan left, the Bulls have

never covered at home against Miami.

- You serious about this?

- They play Miami on the 26th.

- You shouldn't do this.

- I don't have a choice.

Take me to meet Fink.

- Come on.

- Programs here!

Okay. Okay.

I'll take you to see Fink.

Sell some tickets.

- Who need tickets, folks?

- Who needs tickets?

- Pay up, b*tch!

- I'll kick your ass, b*tch!

Cool it! Cool it!

What's goin' on?

All right. Let me break it down

to you right quick.

Andre say he can catch any

pop-up ball anybody can throw.

Kofi say "That's bullshit.

You a busta."

Andre say, "Roll up, b*tch."

Kofi say, "I'll give you all

my gum if you catch this ball."

He threw the ball. Andre caught it.

Andre say, "Pay me my money."

He threw the ball. Andre caught it.

Andre say, "Pay me my money."

Kofi say,

"You a cheatin' b*tch." No, wait.

- Kofi say, "You a motherf--"

- Okay, I got it. Thanks.

Okay, I want everybody

to take a position. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's practice.

Damn, man, you suck,

just like my girlfriend.

Nice catch, Andre.

You jackass.

Keep chasin', punk.

Give me the ball.

- Damn!

- What happened?

Kofi just jumped

out of the way like a baby!

- What's your problem?

- Why is everyone so quiet?

What's up, Kofi?

You scared of the ball?

New rule!

No one can say anything bad

to anyone else on the field! Got it?

What?

You can't talk sh*t

you got nothin' to say?

Let's hear it.

- Got it.

- Got it.

Way to use your head,

Jamal.

It's cool, Jamal, man.

Don't worry about it.

"Four Spanish men with hiking boots

had surrounded me close.

I could tell they were banditos

because they had taco breath...

and they called me 'hombre.'

I spun around and hit the biggest

one. I punched him in the gut.

And as he was falling,

he grabbed my backpack.

I said, 'Stop, you banditos! I don't

want to have to hit anyone else.'

But because they were Spanish,

they didn't understand me.

Two more jumped me, and I hit one

Of them in his--" Between his legs.

"My mouth banged on his head.

And that was where

I got my fat lip. The end."

- So where'd you get your fat butt?

- Andre, that's enough.

That was very nice, Jefferson.

Excellent use

Of the first-person narrative.

I was scared of the banditos.

It was good.

Okay, sit down.

Mr. O'Neill.

Fresh from the office?

Why don't you invite your pants down

to your shoes so they can party?

Everyone,

this is Mr. O'Neill...

who coaches a baseball team

that some of our young men play on.

He's taken the time out of

his busy day to give us a hand.

So give him your attention.

A Wrinkle in Time is

an important book...

and I liked it very much.

I'm just sayin'

it ain't like that.

Fantasy ain't reality.

I like to read stuff that's real.

- Give me an example.

- Michael Jordan's book.

- Nice book, man.

- Excellent choice.

A strong piece of literature,

a great read.

- Yeah.

- That's a biography.

That's the real story of his life.

This is fiction.

The story's made up.

It's meant to entertain you

and make you think.

Kofi, you haven't spoken up. All

you've said is you didn't like it.

That's right.

If you can't say more, I'll assume

that you didn't really read it...

and your mother's gonna

want me to call her.

- Did you read the book?

- Yeah.

- Tell me something about it.

- It was booty.

Okay. I'm gonna

call your mom tonight.

That girl Meg is dumb.

She think her father

comin' back from wherever.

That's stupid to believe in.

That girl and her mom is

both trippin'.

'Cause where I'm from,

don't nobody's father come back.

Come on, right here!

Yo, let's do this!

I'm ready to beat 'em!

Come on! Hurry up!

Maybe this year you could

turn a double play.

Got the uniforms, Coach...

and your check.

- I take it you're not staying.

- Sorry. Can't.

Next time.

Good luck today.

Thanks. Thanks for

giving back to the community...

d*ckhead.

- I want seven like last time.

- I want number four!

Find a shirt that fits

and put it on, okay?

This shirt smells like

my grandma.

Good to see you, Jefferson.

- Who's got number 11?

- Coach, I got it here.

Thanks. Jefferson, this is

the biggest shirt we got, all right?

Everyone, the shirts go up

in sizes from two to 11 , okay?

Coach, I need a shirt.

Who's got number ten?

- I got it.

- Give it to Jamal.

Where's my shirt?

Hey, guys. Guys?

Why don't you guys play catch

in the out field, okay?

Warm up. G, hang on.

Hang on. I wanna talk to you.

- How old are you?

- I'll be nine in October.

You're supposed to be nine before

August to play in this league.

But I wanna play.

There's only ten uniforms,

So I gotta give the guys

who are old enough first pick.

But I'm on the team, right?

Hell, yeah!

Play ball!

Strike.

He's out!

- Strike!

- It's all right, Ray Ray.

Strike!

Strike!

Strike!

Strike! Out!

- Come on!

- Throw it!

Damn!

- Come on! Get down! Get down now!

- Safe!

Oh, my God, he caught it.

Throw it!

What the hell--

Damn it!

- Okay, I'm gonna break your ass!

- What the hell is wrong with you?

Come on, baby,

you can do this.

- Keep goin', Kofi !

- Go! Come on, Kofi !

Keep going!

Safe!

Good job.

Strike! Out!

That's all right. That's the way

to take your cuts. Good job.

- Yeah?

- Coach, I guess that's it.

I mean, the league says we can't

start another inning after 6:30.

- Really?

- Well, yeah.

It's 6:
37 now,

and we're up 16 to 1 .

- That's cool. Thanks.

- Good luck the rest of the way.

Two, four, six, eight,

who do we appreciate? Kekambas!

Damn, Miles, you don't even

know how to throw the ball!

Shut up, Ray Ray. At least

he ran after it when it went by.

Sh*t went through your legs

like five damn times.

You a little punk, Dre.

Least you throw like one.

I'm tired of your sh*t, b*tch.

- Kick his ass!

- Hey, that's it! That's it!

- That's it. That's it!

- I'm gonna kill you!

- Kofi, you're close to being done.

- I quit!

- This team sucks, man!

- Oh, hell, no. Damn it!

- Sh*t! This is you, Dre.

- This is all your fault, Dre.

Anybody hungry?

How 'bout pizza?

I'm down with that sh*t,

my brother.

You got three large pies,

It's 44.65.

You like hockey?

Blackhawks fans?

I take the wife and kids every year

to the Negro Hockey Hall of Fame.

Man, the only thing black

at a Blackhawk game is the puck.

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