Hard Ball Page #5

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two boys at second base?

- Andre and Jamal.

- Which one's Jamal?

The taller one.

This birth certifiicate's

been altered.

What?

The eight's been turned

into a nine.

You have to be born

after September of'88.

Well, the kid is out of the league,

and the Kekambas are on probation.

Look, what are you guys--

the cops?

What's the point

of the league, Coach?

To teach kids it's okay to lie, as

long as they can get away with it?

It should be about

these kids playing ball...

not the trophy

you bring to work.

Look, the kid goes now.

Okay?

Jefferson bats seventh,

plays first base.

Miles pitches and bats eighth,

and Clarence...

you play third and bat ninth.

- Cool.

- Okay, let's go.

Why I not playin'?

You mad at me?

Jamal, the other coach--

'Cause I'm sorry about pushing

Ray Ray. I just want to play.

They know you changed your birth

certifiicate. I can't let you play.

But my mom said it was okay.

She said that she would tell them

if they asked. She said it was okay.

- I just wanna play.

- There's nothin' I can do.

Look, why don't you

just sit--

Miles, do your stuff now.

Strike.

Strike.

Strike! Out.

Yeah, baby.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Time, Blue.

I can't have this kid out here

with these things on.

- What now?

- We're just all in agreement.

The kid can't wear headphones

while he pitches.

Matt makes a good point

about safety.

You're kidding me, right?

What if he gets hurt because he

can't hear in a dangerous situation?

- There's liability issues.

- Bring it in, fellas.

- Come on, bring it in.

- What are you doing?

I want you guys to explain

to them why they lost Jamal...

and why Miles can't

wear headphones...

and why the Bua Was and the Waatas

have nice uniforms...

and we have shitty T-shirts.

Easy, Coach.

You're already on a warning.

This is the president...

and that is the coach

of the goofiest team in the league.

They kicked Jamal out because

he was born two weeks early...

and now they're makin' Miles

take his headphones off...

'cause he's pitchin' too good.

It's a safety issue.

Fellas, you understand everyone

has to follow the same rules.

That's some weak-ass bullshit,

you b*tch-ass, mother-freakin' bustas.

What did you say?

I believe he said,

"That is some weak-ass bullshit."

- Was that it, G-Baby?

- Yeah, that's it.

You are on thin ice, pal! I could

have you removed from this league.

This is my last game. I quit.

What?

I'm out.

I got business out of town.

Kekambas, back on the field.

Son, no headphones.

Coaches, get back to the dugouts.

Come on, let's go.

Get out there.

Come on! Let's go!

What'd you expect? I was gonna

coach this team the whole year?

Rally, rally,

the pitcher's name is Sally!

All right, Calvin.

Big stick now.

What have you got, son?

Sh*t!

Hang on. You guys suck.

- Whatever. I just quit.

- Finally.

- I'll see you at the game.

- Yeah.

- Slugger's.

- Yeah.

Next practice

is Saturday, right?

Right?

I'll make sure someone's here

on Saturday for practice.

Coach, can't you at least

give us a ride? I mean--

- It's early. You can walk.

- Could you drop us off?

Don't you think I might have

something more important to do...

than worry about you guys and

your stupid little baseball team?

Can we please go in now?

I gotta take a piss.

- We're watching through the glass?

- I feel better out here.

All right.

He can't get in there.

Jones fires.

Sh*t!

- Jones is ice cold!

- It's all right.

Fourth quarter, we're up

by two points, you're getting six.

- I don't know what I'm gonna do.

- Come on. You're up right now.

Ride it out.

Nice play by Tillman.

He's got it.

Here we go.

Smith throws up a prayer.

It's good! Holy sh*t!

- Should I look?

- No, no!

Not looking is working.

Keep not looking.

Oh, God, Ticky.

Am I out of the woods?

Here we go.

Miami inbounds.

Don't foul!

Sh*t! They fouled him!

Williams will shoot two!

Oh, God, Ticky. Never again.

- Sh*t!

- What's happening?

Talk to me!

What's happening?

Williams at the line.

- Williams makes the first.

- Sh*t, sh*t!

Williams shoots. It's in.

Sh*t.

- What am I gonna do?

- Miami by seven.

Oh, my God, Ticky.

I was down 11 grand

before I made this bet.

Smith dribbles inside, half-court.

Heaves a 30-footer!

It's in!

- You covered! Yes, it's good!

- What's the final score?

Miami by four! You covered!

- You covered 1 2 G's!

- I covered!

I love it when you call me

Big Poppa

Throw your hands in the air

if you's a true player

I love it when you call me

Big Poppa

Got a gun up in your waist

Please don't shoot up the place

What

'Cause I see some ladies tonight

- That should be havin' my baby

- Baby

Hey! You take this party

somewhere else.

Kiss our ass, Duffy.

He beat Fink tonight for 1 2 grand!

- You got my six grand?

- Tomorrow.

Hey, no-neck, play this.

Make yourself useful, huh?

- So you took Fink for 1 2 large.

- Yeah.

Now what?

- I don't know.

- What do you mean, you don't know?

We're rolling it on the Bulls

Saturday night.

I'll take that action on Ticky's

number if you wanna play it.

We'll bet it with Fink.

We covered tonight.

We got Vancouver Saturday night.

We'll cover again. 24 grand.

Yeah. 24 grand.

Then what? Hey, you think

you just won the game of life?

- What next?

- I don't know.

If you win that, what

are you gonna do with your life?

You gonna coach baseball

for black kids?

I don't know.

I don't know, Duffy.

Maybe I'm just a loser, right?

Not like you.

Mr. Big Time, huh?

- I'm just a loser.

- All right, O'Neill.

I want my money tomorrow.

Night-night.

Time for beddy-bye, Coach.

Don't talk down to me!

You don't know sh*t

about those kids!

Come on. Let's go, let's go.

Chicago landers brace for

the long-awaited interleague...

cross town match up between the Sox

and the Cubbies tonight at Comiskey.

in a battle between two of the

game's brightest young hurlers...

off against the red-hot Kerry Wood--

It's Ticky.

I'm alone, I promise.

I'll take off my underwear and stand

naked in your hallway to prove it.

I'm naked now.

It's beautiful. Come on.

I'll slide my nuts under

your door till you let me in.

What's up?

I paid Duffy.

We're square.

Did you call Fink? Are we down

on the Bulls? How many points?

Fink wants to see

that I've still got his money.

Great. Let's go by there, flash him

a little cash and bet the 1 2 grand.

What's with you?

We're gonna do this, right?

Yeah, okay. I just gotta

go by the baseball field.

-Jesus Christ. I thought you quit.

- I did quit!

- I gotta drop the equipment off.

- I don't know.

... match up between the Sox

tonight at Comiskey.

Sammy Sosa will attempt to go yard

For his fifth consecutive game...

and the Big Hurt will attempt to

break his 1 1-game hitting slump.

We're just an hour

From game time.

We'll be back

to take your calls.

All right. See ya.

Hurry up, okay?

- You here to tell us you quit?

- That's old news.

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