Hard Boiled Sweets Page #5

You've obviously

been brought up well.

Very nice.

Has she got any friends, Eddie?

I'm feeling a little jealous.

Your wish is my command, Jimmy.

You're lovely.

Come here, my dear.

What's your name, sweetie?

Delta.

What's yours?

Jimmy.

Jimmy The Gent.

Are you going to be

a gentleman with me?

'Course I am.

What's in your bag, sweetie?

I'm just a little girl.

And little girls like toys.

You okay, Jimmy?

I'm cracking, Delta.

Is that Viagra?

Yep.

Four?

It's going to be

a good night, sweetie.

Why don't you get me a fresh

drink to wash these down with?

Porsche, why don't you get

us all a round in, darling?

Sure, Eddie.

Here

Drop that in Jimmy's drink.

What is it?

Sleeping pill.

Really?

It's all right. I'm putting

one in Eddie's, too.

Jimmy's dropping four Viagras.

You want to walk straight

tomorrow, you'll give him that.

You sure you don't want to put

that briefcase in my safe?

No.

That stays with me.

You're the boss.

You're 1,000% right there, Eddie.

I'm the boss.

Me.

That's bad.

Not for much longer, yeah?

Okay.

Okay, let's do this.

Delta, gorgeous.

Yes, Jimmy?

- Again.

- What?

Shoot him again.

He's dead.

Please.

Good shooting.

Come here, darling.

She told me about your

plan this morning.

- My plan?

- Yeah.

She wanted me to

kill you straightaway,

but I told her, "Hold on, girl.

This Muppet could do us a favor".

I've been wanting this f*** dead

for years, I can't tell you.

That was her plan.

Pull the other one, kid.

She's lovely to look at, but she's

not Alfred Einstein, is she?

You know what I mean?

Babe, would you

do us the honors?

Sure, Eddie.

You ungrateful little sh*t.

You shoot my boss

just to steal his money?

I just worked out a riddle.

Porsche, get the briefcase,

put it in the safe.

And try and wake Delta up

and get her out of here.

Me and Jermaine will

sort out this mess.

Delta? Delta?

Come on.

Now's not the time

to lose it, girl.

We good?

You grab your toy bag

and get lost, yeah?

What we going to do?

We're going to dump these bodies.

Where?

The end of the pier, kid.

'Cause the end of the pier's the end

of the line for these poor f***ers.

Delta, open your bag, dump

the stuff on the floor.

Follow my lead.

You're a little late, stud.

Party's over.

I'm not here

for the party, girl.

I'm here for Jimmy The Gent.

Upstairs,

third door on the right.

Wear him out, did you?

Something like that.

It's buy one, get one

free at the moment,

so most guys end up

sleeping happy.

That Jimmy's?

I guess.

What's in the bag, girl?

Tricks of the trade.

It's for the old boys.

They've always got the horn, but

they can't always get it up.

Three, two, one.

Who the f*** are you? And what

you doing with my briefcase?

Your briefcase?

Yeah, my briefcase.

It is now.

Don't think so.

Jermaine?

You know this tosser?

Yeah.

Good. So now we can just

put our guns down, right?

Jermaine, you're pointing

your gun in the wrong face.

Yeah?

F*** yeah.

You okay?

What's the matter?

You hit on my girl, Leroy?

What?

You heard me.

You think this is

the time or place?

Answer the question, isnt it?

Take your gun

out of my face, boy.

I ain't your boy.

Sh*t.

This hurts like a motherf***er.

How else did you think

it was going to be?

I just thought I'd get

my turn, that's all.

Like sex, bruv.

Orgasm always comes

too quick, isnt it?

Don't make me laugh.

Bruv?

Did you hit that?

Your girl?

Yeah.

A little bit.

A little bit?

Yeah. A little bit.

Bruv?

You were all right, old school.

Catch you

on the other side.

Sorry about the head butt.

It's fine.

No pain, no gain.

Did you get it?

Yes, Daddy.

Good girl.

Delta,

don't be jealous now.

We couldn't have done all

this without Porsche.

We need her.

Yeah, but we don't need you.

Delta's right, Gerry.

We don't need you,

but we do need your car.

We're happy to do you a deal.

For the car?

Yeah, Daddy, for the car.

Okay.

And just what do you

think it's worth?

I was thinking one used dildo.

That fair, you think?

Yeah.

It's a six-incher, so it's

a big improvement for you.

Plus, you'll be needing it.

Does it hurt?

What about when I do this?

You know, apparently,

there's only three reasons

to do anything in life.

Number one is women.

And number two is money.

What do you reckon

number three is, Delta?

Number three

is women with money.

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