Harold and Maude Page #5

MAUDE:

It's all memorabilia, but incidental

and not integral, if you know what

I mean.

HAROLD:

(looks around amazed)

It's very interesting.

MAUDE:

Oh, look! The birds.

She goes to the window and works a unique pulley device that

delivers seed to the bird table in the back yard.

MAUDE:

This is my daily ritual. I love

them so much. The only wild life

I see anymore. Free as a bird!

(fluttery laugh)

You know, at one time I used to

break into pet shops and liberate

the canaries, but I gave it up

as an idea before its time. The

zoos are full and the prisons

overflowing.

My, my. How the world so dearly

loves a cage.

(she looks out

another window)

And there's Madame Arouet,

cultivating her garden.

She waves at the black dressed old woman diligently hoeing

vegetables in the backyard. The old woman does not

notice Maude.

MAUDE:

(sighs)

She's very sweet, but so old-

fashioned. Please sit down, Harold.

I'll put on the kettle and we'll

have a nice hot cup of tea.

HAROLD:

Thank you, but I really have to

go.

MAUDE:

But it's oat straw tea. You've

never had oat straw tea, have you?

HAROLD:

No.

MAUDE:

Well then.

The argument is over.

HAROLD:

Thank you, but it's an appointment.

I really shouldn't miss it.

MAUDE:

Oh, at the dentist's?

HAROLD:

Sort of.

MAUDE:

Well, then, you must come back

and visit.

HAROLD:

All right.

MAUDE:

My door is always open.

HAROLD:

All right.

MAUDE:

Promise?

He turns at the door and half smiles.

HAROLD:

Promise.

54INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

Harold is on the couch. The psychiatrist sits behind him.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Harold?

Harold is day dreaming.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Harold?

HAROLD:

(comes to)

Huh?

PSYCHIATRIST:

You don't seem to be listening.

I asked do you have any friends?

HAROLD:

No.

PSYCHIATRIST:

None at all?

HAROLD:

Well, maybe one.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Would you care to talk about

this friend?

HAROLD:

No.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Is this a friend you had when

you were away at school?

HAROLD:

No.

PSYCHIATRIST:

(things are

getting difficult)

I see.

(he tries a new

attack)

Were you happy at school, Harold?

HAROLD:

Yes.

PSYCHIATRIST:

You liked your teachers?

HAROLD:

Yes.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Your classmates?

HAROLD:

Yes.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Your studies?

HAROLD:

Yes.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Then why did you leave?

HAROLD:

I burnt down the Chemistry building.

The psychiatrist gets up and rather anxiously paces about.

PSYCHIATRIST:

We are not relating today, Harold.

I sense a definite resistance.

A lack of true and helpful

communication. I find you a very

interesting case, Harold, but

this reluctance of yours is

detrimental to the psycho-analytical

process, and can only hinder the

possibility of effective treatment.

Do you understand?

HAROLD:

Yes.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Very well.

(he sits)

Now your mother tells me she is

arranging several dates for you

with some young ladies. How do

you feel about that?

55STOCK INSERT

A giant steel ball crashes into a brick wall, demolishing

it.

56INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

PSYCHIATRIST:

I see. Tell me, Harold, do you

remember your father at all?

HAROLD:

No.

(pause)

I'd have liked to.

PSYCHIATRIST:

Why?

HAROLD:

I'd have liked to talk to him.

PSYCHIATRIST:

What would you say?

HAROLD:

(pause)

I'd show him my hearse. And my

room, and stuff.

PSYCHIATRIST:

What kind of stuff?

57OMITTED

58OMITTED

59INT. HAROLD'S ROOM - NIGHT

All the lights are on showing a room cluttered with books,

guns and swords on the walls, small bits of odd machinery,

a chemistry workbench, a school pennant, some trophies,

some models, a chess set, etc.

HAROLD (v.o.)

Oh, all my things - incidental but

not integral, if you know what I

mean.

We PAN over individual items - the chemistry set, pool

floats, a small oxygen cylinder, the rope and body harness

he used to hang himself in the first scene, a large bottle

of Max Factor blood, a portrait of Lon Chaney as "The

Phantom of the Opera."

We come to a silver serving dish with a large silver cover

over it. A hand comes into frame and removes the cover.

On the dish is Harold's severed head. The hands pick up

the head. We TILT UP and see it is Harold. He takes the

dummy head over to his dresser, combs the hair and picks

off the latex blood, and then takes it to the center of the

room, where a headless dummy sits in a chair. Harold screws

the head onto the dummy. It doesn't fit very well. He

fiddles with it a moment but he is not satisfied. He goes

to his closet and looks into a box of tools and things.

He takes a meat cleaver out but he is still looking for

something else. There is a knock on the door and Mrs.

Chasen in evening clothes enters. Harold turns to come out

of the closet but he hears his mother addressing the dummy.

MRS. CHASEN

Now listen, Harold, I have here the

three girls sent out by the Computer

Dating Service.

She shuffles through three IBM cards in her hand.

MRS. CHASEN

(continuing)

I've phoned them up and invited

each of them to have lunch with

us before you take them out. The

first one is coming tomorrow at

one. Luncheon at two.

Harold stands with the meat cleaver in his hand behind the

closet door. He listens blankly.

MRS. CHASEN

(still talking to

the dummy)

Now I want you to act like a

gentleman and make this girl

feel at home.

Well, I'm off to the ballet with

the Fergusons. I only hope they

can maneuver round that great black

thing in the driveway.

(she pauses)

You look a little pale, Harold.

(she opens the door)

You get a good night's sleep. After

all you want to look your best for

tomorrow.

(she exits)

Harold hears the door shut. He ponders his fate for a

moment. He leans around the door and looks at the dummy.

He thinks. He gives it up. He goes back in the closet

to find whatever he was looking for.

60INT. CHASEN'S FRONT LOBBY - DAY

Mrs. Chasen opens the front door, revealing a cute, blond,

typical American co-ed. This is CANDY GULF.

CANDY:

Hello, I'm Candy Gulf.

MRS. CHASEN

How do you do. I'm Mrs. Chasen.

Come in.

Candy comes in and Mrs. Chasen closes the door.

MRS. CHASEN

(continuing)

Harold is out in the garden.

He'll be in in a moment. Let's

go into the den.

61INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

Candy and Mrs. Chasen enter.

MRS. CHASEN

You are at the University, Candy?

CANDY:

Yes, I am.

MRS. CHASEN

And what are you studying?

CANDY:

Poli. Sci. With a home ec minor.

MRS. CHASEN

Eh, Poli Sci?

CANDY:

Political Science. It's all about

what's going on.

They walk to the window.

MRS. CHASEN

Oh, there's Harold now.

Candy and Mrs. Chasen look out the French window. They

wave. Harold waves back and leaves. Candy and Mrs. Chasen

sit down. Candy faces the window; Mrs. Chasen has her

back to it.

CANDY:

He seems very nice. Is Harold

interested in, eh, what's going

on? I think it's such a super

thing to study. And then, of

course, I can always fall back

on home ec.

MRS. CHASEN

Yes, that's good planning. Tell

me, are you a regular, Candy, in

this computer club?

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