Harold and Maude Page #4

Harold looks blankly back at his mother.

MRS. CHASEN

(continuing)

"A"? "B"? We'll put down "C" -

"Not sure." "Eleven - Is the

subject of sex being over-exploited

by our mass media?" That would

have to be "Yes," wouldn't it?

"Twelve - Do you think judges favor

some lawyers?" Yes, I suppose they

do. "Thirteen - ....

Harold sits passively in his chair. Slowly he draws a

revolver from his pocket. As his mother rattles on he very

deliberately loads the bullets one by one into the chamber.

MRS. CHASEN

... Is it difficult for you to

accept criticism?" Nooo. We'll

mark "D." "Fourteen - Do you

sometimes have headaches or back

aches after a difficult day?" Yes,

I do indeed. "Fifteen - Do you go

to sleep easily?" I'd say so.

"Sixteen - Do you believe in capital

punishment for murder?" Oh, yes.

"Seventeen - Do you believe churches

have a strong influence to upgrade

the general morality?" - yes, again.

"Eighteen - In your opinion are

social affairs usually a waste of

time?" Heavens, no! "Nineteen -

Can God influence our lives?" Yes.

Absolutely yes. "Twenty - Have you

ever crossed the street to avoid

meeting someone?" Well, I'm sure

you have, haven't you, Harold?

"Twenty-one - Would you prefer to

be with a group of people rather

than alone?" That's you, Harold.

"Twenty-two - Is it acceptable for

a schoolteacher to smoke or drink

in public?" Well, with reservation.

Mark "B." "Twenty-three..."

Having finished loading the gun, Harold c*cks it and,

looking at his mother, slowly lifts it up.

MRS. CHASEN

... Does your personal religion

or philosophy include a life after

death?" Oh, yes, indeed. That's

"Absolutely." "Twenty-four - Did

you enjoy life when you were a

child?" Oh, yes. You were a

wonderful baby, Harold. "Twenty-

five..."

The gun is pointing at his mother. Slowly Harold turns it

till it is pointing directly into his face. He pulls the

trigger. A burst of blood and a loud EXPLOSION.

He and the chair are blown over backward OUT OF FRAME.

SOUNDS of crashing furniture and breaking china. Mrs.

Chasen remains impervious to it all.

MRS. CHASEN

... "Do you think the sexual

revolution has gone too far?" It

certainly seems to have. "Twenty-

six...

The last crash - a tottering lamp falls. Mrs. Chasen looks

up peeved.

MRS. CHASEN

Harold! Please!

(beat)

"Should evolution be taught in our

public schools?!"

46EXT. GRAVEYARD DRIVE - DAY

A long line of black limousines follow a hearse in a funeral

procession. At the tag of the line is another hearse --

Harold's.

47EXT. AT THE GRAVESITE - DAY

PAN around the sorrowing faces. STOP at Harold. CONTINUE

past him 180 degrees and STOP at Maude. She is directly

across the open grave from Harold. She tries to get his

attention.

MAUDE:

Psst! Psst!

Harold looks up. Maude gives him a friendly wink, and a

kind of "How do you do?" smile. Harold is horrified. The

priest looks up from his praying. It is the same priest

as before. He looks over at Maude. Maude suddenly over-

come by sorrow backs away from the people.

DISSOLVE TO:

48EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY

Harold is walking by the road. The funeral in the back-

ground is over but we see the priest coming toward him.

PRIEST:

Eh, my boy. A moment, please.

Who was that old lady waving to

you earlier?

Just then Maude drives up in Harold's hearse. She stops.

MAUDE:

Hello, Harold. Can I give you a

lift?

Harold is surprised. He goes over to the hearse.

PRIEST:

Ah! There you are, madam. Were

not you the lady who drove my car

off yesterday?

MAUDE:

Was that the one with the St.

Christopher medal on the dashboard?

PRIEST:

Yes.

MAUDE:

Then I suppose it was me. Get in,

Harold.

Harold decides not to argue. He gets in.

PRIEST:

Were you also the one who painted

the statues?

MAUDE:

(brightly)

Oh, yes. How did you like that?

PRIEST:

Well, I didn't.

MAUDE:

Oh, don't be too discouraged.

For aesthetic appreciation -

always a little time.

PRIEST:

But wait...

Maude waves and drives off with her usual screeching start.

49INT. HAROLD'S HEARSE - DAY

Harold is sitting in the front seat, wanting to say some-

thing but also trying to hold on. Maude drives like a

racing car driver, fast and risky, but with complete self-

assurance.

MAUDE:

What a delight it is, Harold, to

bump into you again. I knew we

were going to be good friends the

moment I saw you. You go to

funerals often, don't you?

Harold is more intent on Maude's maneuvering of his car

than on conversation.

HAROLD:

Yes.

MAUDE:

Oh, so do I. They're such fun,

aren't they? It's all change.

All revolving. Burials and births.

The end to the beginning and the

beginning to the end -

(she makes a screeching left-

hand turn)

- the great circle of life. My,

this old thing handles well. Ever

drive a hearse, Harold?

HAROLD:

(petrified)

Yes.

MAUDE:

Well, it's a new experience for me.

(she makes a screech-

ing right-hand turn)

Good on curves. Shall I take you

home, Harold?

HAROLD:

(managing to speak)

But this is my car.

MAUDE:

Your hearse?

HAROLD:

Yearse!

MAUDE:

Oh.

50EXT. ROADSIDE - LONG SHOT - DAY

of the car coming to a screeching halt.

51INT. CAR - DAY

MAUDE:

(brightly)

Then you shall take me home.

52INT. CAR - DAY

SAME ANGLE as 49 but this time Harold is driving and Maude

sits beside him.

MAUDE:

And so just before he left for the

monastery in Tibet, Big Sweeney

gave me his keys.

She is showing Harold her ring of car keys.

MAUDE:

(continuing)

Of course, I've had to make some

additions for the new models, but

not as many as you might think.

Once you have your basic set it's

then only a question of variation.

HAROLD:

And you get into any car you want

and just drive off?

MAUDE:

Not any car. I like to keep a

variety. I'm always looking for

the new experience, like this one.

I liked it.

HAROLD:

Thank you. But when you take these

cars don't you think you are

wronging the owners?

MAUDE:

What owners, Harold? We don't

own anything. It's a transitory

world. We come on the earth with

nothing, and we go out with nothing,

so isn't "ownership" a little

absurd?

HAROLD:

Still, I think you'd upset

people and I'm not sure that's

right.

MAUDE:

Well, if some people are upset

because they feel they have a hold

on some things, then I'm merely

acting as a gentle reminder - I'm

sort of breaking it easy -- Here

today, gone tomorrow, so don't get

attached to things. Now, with that

in mind, I'm not against collecting

stuff...

53INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - DAY

Maude and Harold enter.

MAUDE:

... I've collected quite a lot of

stuff in my time.

We see Maude's main room filled with all kinds of eccentric

memorabilia, from a mounted swordfish to an ivory Buddha.

It is dominated by a large canopied bed like something from

a Wagnerian opera. Other features are a large fireplace,

a baby grand piano, expensive paintings on the walls, a

tall wooden sculpture, and a Japanese type eating area with

satin cushions.

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