Harold and Maude Page #9

Harold takes off his jacket.

92QUICK SHOT

Harold wheels to the car a large acetylene torch.

93QUICK SHOT

Harold pulls down a great welding mask over his head.

94INT. GLAUCUS' STUDIO - DAY

A brand new block of ice - eight to nine feet tall -

stands in the trough in the center of the studio. Glaucus,

spryly dressed for autumn, is chipping merrily away.

GLAUCUS:

Come in. Come in.

Maude enters.

MAUDE:

Have you seen Harold?

GLAUCUS:

One moment.

He makes a chip on the ice and stands back to examine it.

He is satisfied. He turns to Maude, full of pep.

GLAUCUS:

Ah, Dame Marjorie. Greetings.

(he kisses her hand)

As Odysseus said to Penelope...

Harold enters a little out of breath.

HAROLD:

Sorry I'm late.

GLAUCUS:

A rather free translation but

nonetheless correct. Greetings

to you too, my little one.

(he gestures

at the ice)

Tell me, what do you see?

HAROLD:

A block of ice.

GLAUCUS:

Exactly! Now, ask me what I see.

HAROLD:

What do you see?

GLAUCUS:

I see the eternal goddess of

beauty and love. I see Aphrodite.

The consummate woman.

Full of warmth and fire. Frozen.

(to the ice)

And it is I who shall set you free.

He takes a small pneumatic drill and attacks the ice. He

makes a little incision, puts it down, and steps back to

observe. He wipes his brow.

GLAUCUS:

Each morning I am delivered of a

new block of ice. Each evening

my eyes grow weary, my hands hang

heavy, and I am swept down Lethe

to slumber -

(slowly with

feeling)

- while my goddess, half-born,

drips away - unseen, unsung, and

unknown.

MAUDE:

May we borrow a shovel?

GLAUCUS:

Wait! Let me think. Do I need

a shovel today? No! I need a

blowtorch.

(he gets a

blowtorch)

Take any shovel. You are welcome.

Harold picks up a shovel.

MAUDE:

Thank you, Glaucus. We'll see

you later. Come on, Harold.

Harold and Maude exit.

GLAUCUS:

Farewell, my friends.

(he fires the

blowtorch)

"Where'er he moved, the goddess

shone before" - Homer!

He approaches the ice.

95EXT. HIGHWAY - LONG SHOT - DAY

We PAN with a brown pick-up truck as it drives along. A

small tree stands swaying in the back.

96INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - ANGLE FROM SIDE - MED. SHOT - DAY

Maude is driving. Harold sits beside her. The car is

traveling from SCREEN LEFT to SCREEN RIGHT. Harold looks

at Maude. She smiles. He smiles.

97EXT. HIGHWAY - LONG SHOT - DAY

Cop on a motorcycle watches Maude go by. He follows her

and flags her down. She pulls the truck over to the side

of the road.

98EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

The cop gets off his motorcycle and comes over to the truck

door.

COP:

Lady, you were going 70 miles

an hour in a 45-mile zone. Could

I see your license, please?

MAUDE:

Yes. Those little pieces of paper

with your picture on it?

COP:

Yes.

MAUDE:

Oh, I don't have one.

COP:

Come again.

MAUDE:

I don't have one. I don't

believe in them.

COP:

How long have you been driving?

MAUDE:

About forty-five minutes,

wouldn't you say, Harold? We

were hoping to start sooner but,

you see, it's rather hard to find

a truck.

COP:

Could I see your registration?

MAUDE:

I just don't think we have one,

unless it's in the glove compartment.

Could you look, Harold?

COP:

Isn't this your vehicle?

MAUDE:

No, no. I just took it.

COP:

Took it?

MAUDE:

Yes. You see I have to plant my

tree.

COP:

Your tree.

MAUDE:

Well, it's not really mine. I

dug it up in front of the courthouse.

We're transplanting it. Letting

it breathe, you know. But, of

course, we would like to get it

into soil, as soon as possible.

COP:

Lady, let me get this straight.

MAUDE:

(agreeing)

All right, then, and we'll be off.

(she revs up the motor)

Nice chatting with you.

Maude zooms off down the highway. The cop is left flabber-

gasted. He races for his motorcycle. With SIRENS blazing

he drives of to catch her.

99INT. THE TRUCK - DAY

Harold looks uneasily out the back window.

HAROLD:

I think he's following us.

MAUDE:

Is he? Ah, the police. Always

wanting to play games. Well,

here goes.

Maude accelerates and zooms off.

100EXT. THE HIGHWAY - DAY

Maude careens down the highway dodging cars. The cop

follows in hot pursuit. Suddenly Maude does a full left

turn making a screeching half-circle and charging off down

the highway in the opposite direction. Cars pull over out

of her way. The cop does a similar U-turn and follows her.

Maude immediately makes another U-turn and flies off down

the highway in her original direction. The cop is taken

unawares. Traffic around him is in total confusion. He

dodges zigzagging cars, runs up onto the embankment, and

stops.

101INT. THE TRUCK - DAY

HAROLD:

(turns around

badly shaken)

He's stopped.

MAUDE:

(brightly)

The old double U-turn. Gets

them every time.

102EXT. THE HIGHWAY - DAY

The truck continues on its merry way.

103EXT. A PLEASANT GLADE IN THE FOREST - DAY

Maude and Harold have just finished planting the tree;

Maude is putting the finishing touches around the trunk.

She stands up.

MAUDE:

There. Oh, I like the feel of

soil, don't you? And the smell.

It's the earth. "The earth is

my body. My head is in the stars."

(little laugh)

Who said that?

HAROLD:

I don't know.

MAUDE:

I suppose I did.

(laughs)

Well, farewell little tree. Grow

up tall, and change, and fall to

replenish the earth. Isn't it

wonderful, Harold? All around us.

Living things.

104EXT. THE FOREST - DAY

Harold and Maude are sitting in a tree.

MAUDE:

I come here as often as I can.

It's exhilarating. What do you

call it? Nature! Life! Soul!

God! At any rate, it's here, and...

We PULL BACK on the ZOOM and see they are sitting in the

top branches of a very tall tree.

MAUDE:

... we are part of it.

105INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - DAY

SAME SIDE ANGLE AS SHOT 96, except now the truck is

traveling from screen right to screen left. Maude is

driving; Harold sits beside her. Maude looks at Harold.

He smiles. She smiles.

106EXT. THE HIGHWAY - LONG SHOT - DAY

We see the truck, now without the tree, go driving down the

road. We see the cop on the motorbike. It is the same

one as before. He sees the truck, grits his teeth, and

speeds on after it. With SIRENS blazing he signals Maude

to pull well off the road, and around so that it is facing

the fields. The cop gets of his bike and goes over to

them.

COP:

Okay, lady. Out.

MAUDE:

Hello.

She doesn't quite recognize him.

MAUDE:

Haven't we met before?

COP:

None of that, lady.

MAUDE:

(genuinely)

Oh, well. Must have been your

brother.

COP:

Out!

Maude gets out.

MAUDE:

But there is a family resemblance.

COP:

(to Harold)

You too, Buster. Stand over here.

Lady, you're in a heap of trouble.

I have you down here for several

violations; speeding, resisting

arrest, driving without a license,

driving a stolen vehicle, possession

of a stolen tree... Where's the tree?

MAUDE:

We planted it.

COP:

Is this your shovel?

MAUDE:

No.

COP:

Possession of a stolen shovel.

MAUDE:

Officer, I can explain.

COP:

Lady, resisting arrest is a

serious criminal offense. Under

the state criminal code, section

545, paragraph 10-B...

MAUDE:

Oh, don't get officious. You're

not yourself when you're officious.

That's the curse of a government

job.

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