Harsh Times Page #8

Back of my ride...

Pounded that fish, man.

Good f***in' fish.

I figured the crazy broad

pulled out some hairs and pubes

and stashed it in the seat,

you know?

Oh, dude, you got to watch that

sh*t, man.

Chicks get treacherous.

Yeah, no sh*t.

Sibling rivalry, Jim.

(chuckles):

Next day,

I'm driving around with Letty

all kick back and sh*t,

and she radars in

on this rat's nest, man.

Pulls out these long-ass hairs,

she's like "What are these?"

"Whose are these?"

(cackling)

She sees all the pubes mixed in,

man... f***in' busted.

Busted!

(singsong voice): Busted!

Oh!

Dude, how'd she know

they were her sister's?

Oh, come on, dude.

Mexican chick voodoo,

right, Mike?

You know,

live and learn.

Yep, next time you'll be all up

in your ride

with the Super

Vac, dude.

Treachery!

Yep, treachery.

(dog barking in distance)

(horse snorts)

Um...

shouldn't we be

helping them?

You know how to hand wash?

- No.

- Then don't sweat it.

Yeah, we're men.

They know we don't do that sh*t.

That's right.

We're men.

(chuckling)

Oh, yeah!

(sighs)

This is paradise, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Yo, Mike?

Yeah?

They're sending me to Colombia.

Colombia.

Who, the man?

Yep.

They're tearing sh*t up down

there, they need my help.

Doing what?

Busting up drug labs

and drug lords

- and all that sh*t.

- You got it.

Gonna be an advisor, you know--

shoot him, him and him.

Then it's back to the barracks

for b*tches and beer.

I'm set.

Why do you want to do

that sh*t, dude?

I mean...

what about Marta, you know?

I mean...

Ain't gonna happen.

They told me not to get married.

TOUSSAINT:

That's messed.

They really told you that?

Not straight up,

but I heard 'em.

Yo, if the feds won't let you

hook up with your old lady,

you need to tell them

to f*** off.

Yeah, I mean,

you love her,

she loves you, right?

Dude, you need to move

down here, marry Marta,

you know, get a good-ass job

working with f***ing

tourists or something.

F*** that.

Taking bucket baths

in cold-ass water?

You know, wading around

in ankle-deep mud?

Outhouses, man!

F***in' outhouses!

You told Marta yet?

You love this place.

It's in your eyes, man.

Dude, this is

what it's all about.

You got a woman that loves

you and a place to stay.

You'd be happy here,

and you know it.

Yeah, well,

shacking up with Marta,

squeezing out some puppies,

has its appeal, but...

this is my career.

I got one shot.

You're making

a mistake.

You should stay right

here with your lady.

What the f*** you gonna do

in Colombia?

Whack people,

program sh*t.

You ain't down, f*** you.

Bring in my gunships

and smoke your little jungle

hideaway. You know?

I mean, I'm a solider

of the apocalypse, man.

I'll be in a chopper,

door-gunning villagers

and sh*t. F*** 'em.

Kill the chickens

and dogs, too, man.

(can clatters)

I don't give a f***.

(light switch clicks)

##

(shuddering)

Shh, shh...

Yeah.

(Spanish-language pop song

plays)

(sighs)

(speaking indigenous language)

(chuckles)

(rousing Spanish-language song

plays)

(indistinct voices)

MIKE:

Doce aos.

- Doce aos.

- JIM:
Doce aos...

Doce... we've been

together that long.

Es muy bonita.

Man, you're bring sand

to the beach, dumb ass.

- Cover that sh*t up.

- TOUSSAINT:
Jim, dude!

Huh?

How you say, um, "You're

beautiful" in Spanish?

Huh? "Bonita."

Bonita.

##

Come on, you don't know

that sh*t, Toussaint?

Tu... bonita.

VICKI:

Gracias.

MIKE:

Hey, baby, see my new one?

- Right, did I get it?

- Huh?

Think I got it?

Yeah, she got the point.

Yo, Mike, that chick digs you.

What chick?

MIKE:

Oh, she's good, dog.

Yeah, name's Lila.

She's a freak.

She'll f*** you, dude.

(laughs)

She's a freak, huh?

How you know? You f*** her?

No, out of respect

for Marta.

Not that I don't want...

Hey, baby.

Ask her to dance.

I'm not cheating

on Sylvia, dude.

(song ends,

partygoers applaud)

There's a big gap between

dancing and f***ing, man.

Go explore it.

No sh*t.

(lively dance music plays)

Whoo!

(man singing in Spanish)

(indistinct voices)

##

(indistinct voices)

##

No.

You're f***ing nuts.

You f***ed up, woman.

I'll do it.

(speaking Spanish)

It's easy.

(no noise)

Jim!

(distant dog barking)

(fairground music playing)

What's up, man, huh?

Where's Toussaint?

He's dancing.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- You gonna get back

to the party?

- Yeah.

Let's get back

to the party, man.

- Yeah.

- Hey, uh, go,

go tell Toussaint that

we're gonna get the

f*** out of here, man.

Just go into the party,

tell him we're gonna go.

We're leaving, huh?

Yeah, yeah, we're

gonna leave.

Let's go, yeah?

Yeah, let's go.

Go ahead, go get

Toussaint, man.

Go get him.

Hey, we're going.

Come on.

F*** you, dude.

I'm having a

great time, bro.

Then walk back to L.A.,

motherf***er.

You're in the car or not.

He's f***ing crazy, man.

What the f***!

All right,

let's go, man.

Hey, yo, what the f***

is your problem, psycho?!

Hey, hey, homeboy's

losing it, all right?

Shut the f*** up and just

get in the car, all right?

F***ing bullshit!

(engine starts)

TOUSSAINT:

F***ed up!

(crying)

(transmission revving,

tires squealing)

(tires squealing)

Dude, dude... dude, slow down.

(tires squealing)

F***, man.

Whoo, yeah, man.

Slow down,

you crazy motherf***er!

I want a cop to pull me over.

JIM:

Treachery.

F***ing treachery.

Jim, slow down!

Shut up!

F***, dude.

Only female I trust.

(transmission revs,

tire squeal)

F*** you, God!

You ain't got the f***ing balls

to take my ass.

Jim, don't say that sh*t, dude.

Jim!

(brakes screeching)

Dude, you are getting

out of control, okay?

You need psychiatric

help, man.

You're seriously

f***ed up, dude.

All right, you need to sue

the military or something.

You used to be mellow.

Later, homie.

'Night, dog.

Laters.

Dude, I ain't hanging

around you anymore

until you get

some f***ing help.

You can 12-step off, b*tch.

You're dismissed.

He's right, dude.

Yeah.

Georgia will get me

squared away.

Hope so.

What was that sh*t

with Marta, dude?

I don't know why that happened.

But I'm cool.

I'm cool now.

Okay?

Yeah.

I'm cool.

Look, dude, she told me

she was pregnant.

I had a panic attack.

I pulled my gun.

Come on, dog,

I thought you loved her, dude.

I do.

God, f***.

Come on, man, let's

go drop off that bud.

What bud?

There's 20 kilos in the trunk.

Say that again?

There's 20 kilos

in the trunk, man.

(laughing)

- Of weed?

- Yeah.

Get the f*** out of here, man.

I picked it up at the party.

I'm dropping it at Casper's.

Casper's?

(laughing):

I get three Gs.

We get three Gs.

You drove it across the border?

(laughing):

Yeah.

What if they would've caught us?

Couldn't happen, man.

My sh*t is on fire

right now, man.

My sh*t is wired

right now, man.

You risked my ass

without telling me?

That's not cool, man.

For three f***ing Gs?

That's... that's a good rate

for transporting that.

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