Harte Jungs

---

What is it?

What?

Why are you staring at my bust?

I'm not, I was looking at your shirt.

Yeah.

Are the 'Smurfs' your favorite?

Yes, I've seen every episode.

They're cute,

especially Smurfette

She's just so... womanly.

Y'know, I've always

wanted to be like her.

I suppose you are aware this

woman was the only female

in the Smurf village.

So?

Doesn't it seem odd that out of all

those little blue characters

she was the only female?

No, I never thought about it

before today.

They just laugh and have fun

all week long. It's weird. What are

they happy about?

Stuck in a village full of

male dwarfs. Think about it,

that's not normal.

So what happens?

They get aggressive.

What's your point?

Hey, I'm just saying,

why don't these men have more

fights when they're competing

to go out with that one female?

They should have leveled that

village by now. It should be all

smoke and blood and blue carcasses.

Then I came up with it.

Y'know why Smurfville never

wiped itself out?

It's real simple

Smurfette gives herself freely

to all the male smurfs.

She sleeps around?

Yeah, Smurfette's the whore

of the village.

She does them all

Everyone lives happily ever after.

No question, Smurfette's

the coolest chick around.

Thank's a lot, you've ruined

my whole childhood.

Ants in the Pants

Tobias Sehenke

Axel Stein Luise Helm

Byorn Kirsehniok Minatander

Produced by:
Bernd Eichinger

Directed by:
Marc Rothemund

Seeing as I'm going to be telling

you a lot of personal stuff

I'd better introduce myself first.

My name is Florian Thomas

but my friends call me 'Fly'.

You'll probably want to know

the whole story from the beginning

but I'm warning you

It isn't exactly Grimm's fairy tale. As

far as I know there isn't a big ending

everyone lives happily ever after.

But there is definitely

a big beginning.

Hey! Hello! Wake up!

Have you got cotton in your ears?

Hello!

Finally paying attention.

Today's the first day of

the rest of our life.

Our life?

Yep, just the two of us.

At that moment, realised that there

were mysterious forces of nature

that one didn't always understand.

Florian, breakfast.

And even worse,

I soon learned that these forces

were impossible to control.

Psst, slowly look to your right.

Florian, pass the milk please.

Florian, would you please

pass your aunt the milk.

There's nothing as delicious as

creamy fresh milk.

Mmm, especially when it

comes in containers like those.

Watch it...!

Oh, Florian!

It's alright, really.

I'm sorry.

Look, honey.

The drama department will be

performing 'Romeo and Juliet' this

weekend at Florian's high school.

Shakespeare? Not again.

Is there some reason you're not

performing? All your friends

seem to have parts.

Yeah, because their folks are

all forcing them.

I'd love to see you

play the part of Romeo.

Your father played him so well.

Remember, dear?

And I was your Juliet.

And you were the best one ever.

Speaking of school,

can I stay home today, please?

What's wrong with you, Florian?

I feel kind of... upset.

Is it something I said?

Will you die from it?

I hope not.

Good, then you can

make it to school.

Take another look.

You won't see those puppies

until you get home.

Good morning.

Hi, Lisa.

Is Florian ready?

Come in, dear.

He's behaving strangely.

I hope he's not coming down

with something.

Who are you anyway?

C'mon, you know me.

Oh, yeah? You were

never this chatty.

Sure I was.

You just didn't hear me until now.

Fly, who are you talking to?

Why can't you just disappear?

Fly?

You should have

turned left back there.

No. Dear, the hospital's

right up this street.

That's it, buddy.

From now on only

button-fly pants for you.

Almost there.

Ah, this is it.

The animal hospital?

When I say 'now' bite

down on that latex bone

as hard as you can.

Be a good boy...

when we're done I'll make

sure you get a treat.

Get ready...

My pal was relentless.

That experience at the vet

didn't slow him up a bit.

I love school especially

Miss Pringle's geometry.

Such lovely curves. Boy

I'd like to bisect her

equilateral triangle.

Can anyone tell me

what the tangent's radiant is?

Florian? Florian?

Yeah?

Stand up and

give us the answer.

He's already up

just look.

Ah, summertime.

The heat, the hard bodies.

Oh, what selection

what variety!

Everywhere you look

something is hot.

I know what you're thinking...

that he doesn't exist without me.

But you're wrong.

2 hours later

Look at that tasty treat...

or that one.

They've definitely got

my pilot-light going.

How can you be cold?

Not only was I seeing b*obs butts

and bodacious babes everywhere,

but this voice in my shorts

was driving me bonkers.

C'mon, let's go for a swim.

What are you waiting for?

Frostbite?

Let's go. Buddy.

I'm shrivelling.

Since he put it that way

I had no choice.

It's like he had a mind of

his own. And his mind only

focuses on one thing.

Lift-off!

Man! What was wrong with me?

I decided to research my problem.

But I couldn't find any answers

in the books I had.

Any good booby shots in there?

Hey, piss off!

Out of desperation I decided

to turn to the two people

who had brought me into the world.

Well, Florian

it's a little hard to explain

but it's simple biology.

The woman gets

a warm feeling in her...

and the man may also...

also have a warm stiff...

Let me handle this, Petra.

Y'see, Florian... it's all biological.

The human body is

like any well-oiled machine.

The heart pumps blood

into all the vital organs.

And then, when the man is

excited by the woman...

Because he is

so in love with that woman...

Well, a lot of blood

rushes down to his...

...wee-wee.

I mean, this isn't a woman

that the man has met casually

just walking down the street.

He's dreamed about her his whole life.

In fact he wants to tie the knot.

Petra, would you stop interrupting?

We're not discussing marriage here.

This is biology.

I don't want him to think

he can have these feelings lightly.

You feel this way about girls

who are very very special.

Now, as I was saying

the blood is pumped...

and the wee-wee gets larger...

and larger... and closer and...

What your father is attempting to

say is that the man puts his we-wee

...he puts it into

the woman's flowerpot.

It's better if you stay out of this.

Why is that?

Because you're confusing him.

Where did you get 'flowerpot'?

Well, your 'wee-wee' sounds

like a piglet in a nursery-rhyme.

Look, Florian

what we're trying to say is

this thing between your legs is...

...not only used just to

go to the toilet.

It's like a very good friend.

You have your whole life ahead of you.

Life is like a long road-trip

and it can be a lonely

one at times.

So it's nice to have

a dear friend along for

the company and support.

Parents mean well

but this was serious.

So I decided to consult

the most manly guy at school.

If Coach didn't know

what was wrong with me

I knew no-one would.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes