Hayride Page #5

you know, "she's cute"

you know, "go, Steven."

But now, bro, she is hot.

Yeah, I appreciate it, man.

I mean, she's hotter than you.

She's... supposed to be hotter

than me, dumbass.

No, I mean, like the girl you.

Like, if you were a girl,

there is no way you'd be that hot.

Aw, I'd be crazy-hot as a girl.

You'd be begging me just to look at you.

No, see, you'd be that girl that

I would give a fake number to

at a party.

Like, if I'd have nailed you

that night, fine, but if not,

I'm not trying again

Aw, whatever.

That's bullshit, and you know it. - Nope.

Aw, whatever, man.

You'd probably sleep with me now if I offered.

I'm not talking about now.

I'm talking about if you were a girl.

' Course I'd sleep with you now.

That's not the question.

I'm just saying you're not as hot as Amanda

Hey, Corey, are you there? - Yeah.

Listen, no one ever reset the

barn for the haunted house.

Sh*t.

Um, yeah, I'll be there in a second.

Um, yeah, just hang on.

Look, I got to go to over to the

barn real quick.

Um... can you help out with the P.A.?

Uh, yeah, man. No problem. - It's really simple.

All you got to do is just hit the button for the werewolf

when the kids get out, all right? - Got it.

Just head on down through the trees, take a left.

You mean, those, uh,

pitch-black woods out there?

Here you go, p*ssy. - Thanks a lot, a**hole. - Watch out for pitchfork, cuz.

Let's go! Let's go!

Oh!

Where the hell are you?

Hey, why weren't you at the madness rally?

Dumb was supposed to come and

get me.

Ah, that figures.

Wasn't pitchfork supposed to

kill me in this scene?

Uh, Captain Morgan said they

cut that 'cause someone stole the mask.

-The mask. - Someone stole the mask last year.

Uh, coincidentally, someone stole my ax, too.

Your ax?

No! No, please! Please!

Hey. Hey, it's pitchfork. It's pitchfork.

F***, yeah!

Pitchfork!

Run! Run! Run!

Please, let me go!

Get it off!

Hey, what the hell is going on here?

Amanda, run ...

Hey, you!

Steven, run!

Steven ... who was that?

You alright? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Is this, uh, normal enough for you? - No.

We'll get there.

Right there.

Can we start now?

Please?

Sh*t! Holy sh*t, guys! We got to go! Colby's f***ing dead!

F***ing Colby's dead! We...

Corey! Corey! Calm down! Now...

We know, Corey. It's okay.

Who the f*** is that?!

I don't know.

Did you just f***ing kill that guy?

I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you.

I'm pregnant.

Are you serious? - Yeah. Yeah.

What?

Even after all of this... That's still terrifying.

So, what's the damage? - It's the worst thing I've ever seen... two dozen dead bodies

About 10 more seriously injured.

And they just called from the

house ... there's a body in the

old barn. - Jesus.

Looks like we're way past

your worst-case scenario.

Nah, we're in "sh*t hitting the fan" mode now.

Where is he?

He's out by the barn.

And listen ... he's wearing a

burlap mask.

I sh*t you not. - All right.

F***ing sh*t. - Yeah.

Who the hell is that?

I know who that is.

There's a legend around here that a farmer killed his family.

Is it true?

You can still spot

old pitchfork ...

Wandering the woods ...

Searching for his beloved daughter.

Is he dead? - No.

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