Head of State Page #4

Look at this poster: "Mays. "

Who are they talking about? Willie?

Let me tell you something.

They're the everyday common folk,

working people. Laborers.

Construction workers, nurses.

Play the game

when you're working for them.

This is your campaign.

You're supposed to be in charge.

It's time.

I got to go.

I love you, man,

and I'm with you no matter what.

- Go get them.

- I'll see you out there.

Speak.

Chicago, please welcome

your next president:

Alderman Mays Gilliam.

What the hell is he doing?

They had a speech written for me...

about what the people need.

But you guys are the people.

You know what you need.

Better schools...

better jobs...

Less crime.

How many of you, right now...

work two jobs

just to have enough money to be broke?

That ain't right.

If you work two jobs,

and at the end of the week...

you got just enough money

to get your broke ass home...

Let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"

That ain't right!

How many of you have children

that they call stupid?

Don't be ashamed! It ain't your fault.

I asked my niece the other day,

"What's four plus four?" She said, "44."

But that ain't her fault!

That's the school's fault.

If your child's school has old-ass books...

and brand-new metal detectors,

let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"

That ain't right!

It ain't right.

And now we got these corporations

stealing all the money.

They ain't stealing their money,

they stealing our money!

The pension.

You work for 35 years.

You thought you'd leave your kids

a will, now you'll leave them a won't!

You show up to get your pension,

they give you a pen!

A damn pen! What in the hell

am I supposed to do with a pen?

I should stab you in the neck

with this pen, Mr. Pension Taker.

Get your hand out of my pocket!

Taking everybody's pension,

and nobody going to jail.

That's some bullshit. Ain't it?

Meanwhile, we steal a Big Mac with cheese...

next thing you know, we on Death Row!

That ain't right!

How many of you work in a city

you can't afford to live in?

That ain't right!

How many of you work in a mall

you can't afford to shop in?

That ain't right!

How many of you clean up a hotel...

you ain't never gonna be able to stay in?

That ain't right!

We got nurses that work in hospitals

they can't even afford to get sick in.

It ain't right!

It isn't right!

That sh*t is wrong!

It's dead wrong!

I'm Mays Gilliam...

and I'm running for President

of the United States of America.

No questions. Sorry.

Where's Mitch?

Go to work. Handle your business.

If you need me, call me.

I'll call you.

Are you insane? You can't just go out

in front of 5,000 people and talk!

And you said "sh*t. "

Presidential candidates do not say "sh*t. "

Show me a man that's never said sh*t,

I'll show you someone full of sh*t!

Debra, hold on.

What you just did, that was great.

Maybe you're right.

We could tailor the speeches more to you.

My speeches?

Come on, did you hear them?

If this is gonna work, it's got to fit me.

It's got to be my campaign.

This is not your campaign.

You do what I tell you to,

or you'll be back in D.C. on your bicycle.

I'm the one running for President.

If we're gonna run this campaign,

it's got to go my way.

We're gonna do it the way I want it done.

Hold on.

I don't know if that's such a good idea.

If you don't know, you better ask somebody.

After a slow start, Mays Gilliam

has made some dramatic changes...

in his presidential campaign.

Hi. I'm Mays Gilliam,

candidate for President of the United States.

This is my new headquarters.

The individuals you see before you

will help me guide my campaign.

These are my people.

Mays Gilliam is turning the establishment

on its ear...

with his new controversial campaign ads.

If you love America,

vote Mays Gilliam for President.

Paid for by Citizens for Mays Gilliam.

The part of Mays Gilliam's

security director...

will now be played

by Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad.

Childcare is one of the most important

issues facing this country today.

The working mother

has to take her child to a nanny.

The nanny has to take her child

to a babysitter.

The babysitter

has to take her child to daycare.

On the count of three, I want everybody

to take care of their own damn kids!

Whose baby is this? It ain't mine!

Gay people want what every American

wants. A good house, a good job!

I believe in gay rights

because when I see gay people...

all I'm seeing are people,

normal people like every other American.

Thank you for inviting me

to the Player's Ball!

America needs to change its ways.

I promise if I'm your President,

I will take care of everybody:

Big business and small business,

show business and ho business.

Hello, Debra.

Bill?

I am in Detroit at a Player's Ball

with pimps and whores.

Excuse me, hoes!

I can't do this. You got to get me

out of here. I can't control him.

He won't listen to me!

No, Debra.

I need you out there, and this is going great.

This is what we wanted.

I love this guy. "That ain't right. "

He really thinks he can make a difference.

Stop worrying. This will work out fine. Bye.

Don't I know you?

No!

He feels good

Things are going his way

He just might be

The President someday

Mays, darling, I've been thinking.

I want a small wedding.

I think I want 150, maybe 200 people.

I've always said

I wanted a wedding in a church...

but lately I've been thinking about

the Botanical Gardens.

We could do it by the tulips.

It'll be beautiful-

Security!

Who the hell is Mays Gilliam?

He's running against you, sir.

What happened to Gaines?

He died in a plane crash.

Get out of here! Gaines is dead?

- Don't you remember? It was on the news!

- Not my news.

This fellow, Gilliam,

is an alderman from D.C.

He took Gaines' place, sir.

I'm running against this guy.

Yes, sir.

That is some bullshit.

This is my time.

I've been Vice President for eight years.

I am a war hero,

and I am Sharon Stone's cousin!

And I'll be damned if I'm going to let

my election be ruined by this a**hole!

I want this guy done. You hear me?

Finish him!

He will be destroyed, sir, as you wish.

This is the White House

without Mays Gilliam. Peaceful, isn't it?

Now, this is the White House

if Gilliam is elected.

Let's keep Mays Gilliam

out of the White House.

Vote Brian Lewis for President.

It's your last chance.

How do you want to handle this?

I don't want to go negative.

Nobody wants to hear that.

I want people to vote for me,

not against Lewis.

- People don't know what they want to hear.

- We have to respond.

We should go with something measured,

accurate. Let's call him on his record!

You can't challenge his record

when Mays doesn't have one.

How about a massage?

Ladies and gentlemen...

please welcome

presidential candidate Mays Gilliam.

Thank you!

This is Conservative Talk 520.

You're listening to Big Dave.

Negative ads. Lewis is up, Gilliam is down.

I think it's great!

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