Head of State Page #9

We just have to put it out there.

- Can we do this?

- We're the government. We can do anything.

The race for President

now turns to the West Coast.

People, Armageddon is upon us

and Big Dave is scared.

If these voting trends sustain,

it's likely that for the first time in history...

a black man will become

President of the United States of America.

"I have a dream that one day...

"this nation will rise up...

"and live out the true meaning of its creed:

"'We hold these truths to be self-evident:

"'that all men are created equal. "'

Checkmate.

I, Richard Nixon, do solemnly swear...

I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear...

The race for President is over.

The election is now over.

- The race for President...

- ... is over.

The race for President is over.

For the first time in history,

a black man, Mays Gilliam...

will be the next President

of the United States of America.

Come here, brother.

- I love you, man!

- I love you, too.

I appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

We won! Aren't you happy?

- Can I have a massage?

- Yes!

I won!

There is no way in the world

I could have ever done this without you.

You're damn right.

We won! We did it! Yes!

Look at my little brother!

- Boy, I'm proud of you! Mr. President!

- Mr. Vice President.

You're the man! You ain't got to worry about

no assassinations or nothing.

They sure don't want me

to be the next President.

You can raise taxes, start a war...

Mays Gilliam began this race...

That's my man!

Excuse me, please.

- I've been looking for you.

- I was looking for you.

- This is amazing!

- It's amazing.

It's incredible.

- What you were up against.

- The odds!

I can't wait to start working,

and do I have a job for you!

I don't know what to say. What department

do you want me to work in? Finance?

No, that's not good enough for you.

- Foreign Affairs?

- No, not Foreign Affairs.

I thought you could do

something real good in Security!

You suck!

We'd like you to run for President.

Sometimes, you don't know

if people like you for you.

I like you for you.

Thanks a lot.

Get your hand off my ass, boy!

Wait!

Oh, my God, you are everywhere.

Look at you!

What's the first thing

you're going to do, Mr. President?

The first thing I'll do

is make you my First Lady.

- Don't you play with me like that.

- I'm not playing.

You can't do that!

I'm the government. I can do anything.

Get ready for...

the 2005 Presidential Inaugural Ball.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President

of the United States of America...

Mays Gilliam, and his future First Wifey...

Lisa Clark!

Look at him now, man

Ain't this great

Biggest man in town

He's the head of state

They come from all around

just for one handshake

Look at him now

He's the head of state

That's me, Mays Gilliam...

President of the United States of America.

North America.

- Who did you vote for?

- For what?

- For President.

- Of what?

- Of the United States.

- Of what?

- Of America.

- What America?

North America.

Slick, I don't vote.

You gonna buy some of this meat, or what?

You can't trust nobody.

Everybody's trying to rob you. Nobody!

That guy right there! Don't trust him!

Can't trust no-damn-body!

America is taking advantage of you!

You can go to war when you're 18,

but you can't have a drink till you're 21!

- That ain't right!

- Right! So, let me get this straight.

You're 18 years old. You go to war.

You come back. Your leg is chopped off!

You got a damn nub!

Everywhere you go they say,

"What's up, nubby?"

You get to the bar and say,

"Bartender, can I have a drink?"

He looks you up and down and says,

"I got to see some ID."

ID? You mean to tell me

a one-legged teenager can't have a drink?

- That ain't right!

- Where is the nub?

Prescription drugs, I'll lower the prices.

Let me explain something else to you.

You can survive a stroke...

but the high prices of medicine

will give you a heart attack.

America is the richest,

most powerful nation on earth.

If America was a car, it would be a Bentley...

sitting on chrome doves,

with TVs in the headrests...

and a fine, naked Puerto Rican girl

feeding you grapes!

Ain't nothing better than that!

Ain't nothing ever been better than that!

Most opponents are saying your brother

destroyed any chance of winning...

by naming you as his running mate. Why?

- Why'd your brother make you anchorman?

- I don't have-

You said it was your brother.

I did my homework as well, okay?

You got your job same way I got mine.

- I'm not running for public office.

- I'm not running for anchorman.

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