Head of the Family
- R
- Year:
- 1996
- 82 min
- 89 Views
Now you got
to understand Billy boy better
play nice with the merchandise.
You tell him I'm going to weigh
it on my own f***ing scale.
You short me again, I'm
Sure, Howard,
yeah, I'll tell him.
And you f*** up Weasel, I'm
going to break your arm, too.
Howie, I know.
All right.
Now go on and get out of here.
Get.
Oh, Susie sometimes I feel
like a big old turd
in a small toilet.
Never makes you happy, honey.
And you, go easy on
that ice cream, huh.
You're starting to get all
poochy around the middle.
Geez Louise Howard,
it's f***ing ass milk.
Yeah, well it come out of
a cow and it make you fat.
Give a sh*t what you call it.
Hey, here comes the Stackpools.
Rosaries.
Hello Rey, Rey.
Fill that out for the
Stackpools, will you.
How are you doing, Ernestina?
You all go with Rey,
he'll take care of you.
See you around, Ernestina.
That is without question the
most fuckable young lady I ever
seen outside a magazine.
Hell, don't bother me,
she's a retard.
Well, the way I hear it,
the only way
to get Ernestina is go
to her brother Otis.
You don't think I'd
take on the big dummy?
Oh, hell no.
I just want to be
around when you do it.
Yeah, I will.
Already got me a
sweet little chicken
and you know how I feel
about-- what's that word?
F***ing?
No, watch your
mouth, the other one
where you don't be
sleeping around?
Fidelity?
Yeah, that's it.
Like on the high fi's--
high fidelity, yeah,
that's what I go for.
What a man with a brain,
pardon moi Howard but I'm going
to go to the ladies room.
And why don't you just talk
up, let everybody know about it.
You see what I got
to put up with.
[ Noise ]
Susie, watch the register.
I got to get some fries
from the basement.
But we got plenty--
Susie, don't mind
the inventory,
just watch the register.
[ Noise ]
Dammit, we ain't got
no time for foreplay.
Smart woman.
See you soon,
Ernestina, one day, cupcake.
Say it, baby, say it.
Call me Scarlet.
Say it Scarlet.
You're 10 times
the man Howard is.
And?
Howard's got a little
dick, you're the real man.
He can't satisfy me.
And?
Oh, Howard's a p*ssy.
Yeah. Then why the hell
did you married him, Lorretta?
Scarlet.
Scarlet, why did
you do it, huh?
He's a wasn't he?
All right, well, now
I'm baby.
Ride your little baby lance.
Whoa!
I've never known
a woman who takes
so damn much time in the toilet.
I swear that woman's got a
bladder the size of acorn.
[ Noise ]
Oh, Lorretta, come on.
Hey, Lorretta, you down there?
Sh*t, Howard's coming.
Oh, so am I.
Lorretta, you in there?
[ Noise ]
Lorretta, you down here or what?
Hey, Lorretta you down here?
Yeah, Howard
she's in the employee bathroom
right in there.
Lorretta, are you in there?
What do you want?
What do you doing in there?
Toilet in the
ladies room is busted,
what do you think I'm doing?
Well, whatever you're doing,
hurry it up, we got to go.
Okay, I'm out,
you're happy now?
Yeah, just f***ing overjoyed.
Come on.
Lance, Lance,
Howard has to see you.
Howard.
Has to see you.
Well, what exactly
did he say?
He said, "Go get
Lance, bring him over here
and move your poochy buns."
Did he seem upset?
I can't say that he did
but then he never does.
Oh, shoot.
Lance, it ain't that part
at the back of the restaurant,
not much of a headstart
if you get my drift.
Okay, Lorretta, okay.
We'll just play it cool.
Cool, right, cucumber.
Compress the bolt string
while holding the front
and flush.
F*** off, friggin' bolt strings.
Well, Lance in the pants,
Lance, and look at this thing.
Try to save some money,
it's a f***ing waste
of man's time buying
the thing in pieces.
You have to assemble it
yourself, save a couple.
Sh*t. Well, sit your ass down.
Right, sure, Howard.
Lance, you know what
I've been thinking.
Well, I know Howard.
I--
Lorretta, what you
doing standing there?
You serving tables around here?
No, I just wanted to--
Wanted to do the park your
mushy old butt down there next
to Lancy so you got no
cooties, have you Lance?
No, not that I think.
Lance, I'm going to
make this short and sweet.
Kind of like Lorretta
here except she ain't
so sure, really.
Okay, now Howard, I don't
know what you've been hearing.
Hearing?
About what?
Nothing.
You don't know what I've
been hearing about nothing?
What the hell are
you talking about?
Not-- I mean, sh*t, Howard.
You know, I don't have a clue on
what the hell I'm talking about.
And you know what I think,
you need to take it easy.
You're looking poorly,
ain't that right, Lorretta?
Yeah, looks like
he's got the flu.
Flu? What the f***ing
flu got to do with it, huh?
You need to get yourself
out of here.
Go get yourself laid
once in a blue moon.
Hell, you got no
natural charm but--
sh*t, even a little
shrimp with that ratty,
old beard like yours can at
least pay for it once in awhile.
And that's where I come in.
I'm sorry, what?
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
And how much you
make in this place?
Say in a week or something?
Well, I don't know,
it kind of depends.
I figure about--
A grand a week?
Huh, no, I don't
have that much.
I bet you want to know why.
Why?
Because you spread
yourself too thin.
That's why you're all pale and
kind of sickly-ugly-looking.
But here I am, I'm going
to save your skinny ass.
Oh, gee, Howard, actually--
Oh Lancy pantsy, what you
need is partner, you know.
Someone to kind of ease
a strain and I look
into diversify, you
know what I mean?
It means--
It means that I
share the burden,
I'll be your partner,
shared share alike.
You know, I guess you
still have to be doing most
of the day to day stuff.
Partners.
Well sure, I mean
I've been partner
up with businesses
all over town.
I did jewelry down
to hardware store,
Ben Buffle's Wash-O-Rama.
I'm becoming a regular--
what's that word?
Shake-down artist?
Oh, Lorretta, if I didn't
love that big old behind
of yours so much, I'd pack you
on your worst f***ing nightmare.
Entrepreneur is the
f***ing word, entrepreneur.
So now I'm going to come
here and bring my talents
to bear right here
chopping stuff
and how is that for good news?
Actually, Howard--
No, no, no need to
thank me, it's my pleasure,
and don't worry about
no paper work either.
Whenever you get it done,
we just back date it
to right now.
[laughs]
Hallelujah.
I see, just little--
what that word?
Brains?
No, persistence-- I tell
you something Lorretta,
you going to need serious
attitude adjustment.
Sometime I envy the
single white boy.
On the house, partner.
[laughs]
What you waiting on?
F***ing invitation from
the Queen of England?
More like the
Duke of the Dumb.
Come on chubby cheeks.
What are you looking at?
A grave waiting to be filled.
No, I don't know what
you're talking about.
I'm talking about
somebody plowing some Oates,
Lorretta Oates to be precise.
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