Head Office Page #8

These are perfect

instruments, Jack. Stradivariuses run,

oh, $300,000 to well over a million dollars

apiece. Here, hold that one. Feel the quality. It almost pulsates,

doesn't it? I've never been this close

to one before, sir. Do you like, uh,

good music? Oh, yes, sir. So do I. [Dvorak's Humoresque] [clattering] Ow, ow! [splintering noise] Oh, my God. Look, I-I'm really sorry. smash! Another Stradivarius. These are not

Stradivariuses, Jack. These are Polyvariuses,

perfect polyurethane copies. We begin mass production

in the fall. It sounds like

a Stradivarius. It looks like

a Stradivarius. It smells-- [sniffing] Like a Stradivarius. And at $49.95, that is one

hell of a saving for the public. Perfection! That's what

we're after, Jack. [clattering] [strings twanging] We're doing God's work, son. [ominous music] The Third World, Jack,

the last frontier. That's where

the Allenville plant is going. The corporation

that controls the Third World in the next century, Jack,

controls the globe. Think of that. One-world economy under INC. One corporation under God. One moral, spiritual,

economic unity. Sounds like very big stuff, sir. Very big stuff, Jack. San Marcos' ruling

democratic party. This is General Sanchez. He lacks vision. This is General Sepulveda. He has vision. I want you to meet

with Sepulveda. Me? They're touring

the United States this week, meeting business leaders. You're invited to a reception

at their consulate. Sir, why me? I'm terrible with generals. Instinct, Jack. My nose tells me

you are ripe for this. [cars honking] This the new car, Sal? Yes, sir. $84,000. Nothing's going to happen

to this one, sir. Bulletproof glass,

reinforced steel beams, quadraphonic sound. I just got

the new Julio Iglesias tape. Want to hear it? Uh, not right now, Sal. That case is for you, sir. It's supposed to be delivered

to a General Sepulveda. You know where

their consulate is, Sal? [tires screeching] That's it right there, sir. This is our office. Yes, sir. You mean, their consulate

is in our building? That's right, sir. They rent two floors,

the fourth and the 109th. They're always on the elevators. I'm going to take you

around the corner, sir. Drop you off out front. [people jeering] Wait for me here, Sal? I don't think so, sir. I'm going to go have

a slice of pizza. I'll meet you on the other side

of the building. I want to park this

where it's safe. [people jeering] I think you owe me

an explanation. Oh, Old Blue Eyes

is back. What were you doing

in Helmes' house? He's my father. He's your father. You're Helmes' daughter. That's--that's perfect.

That's perfect. You've been a company man

all along, Jack. You march around here like one

of the oppressed masses when your old man's

worth 80 zillion bucks. At least--at least

I'm not pretending to be somebody I'm not. I rejected the money. Besides, I don't have

to justify my life to someone who's dressed

like Wayne Newton. This is crazy. This is escalating

way out of control. Hold on a second.

Wait a minute. This invitation's for two. You think I'm going to go up

there with you and have dinner? Your company is upstairs

there tonight entertaining General Sanchez

and his pack of murderers. And you expect me

to go up there? You can protest down here

until you're blue in the face, or you can find out what's

really going on up there in the belly of the beast. I can't go up there

with you. No guts, huh?

No clothes. If you're afraid,

I'll understand. Afraid? Wait a minute. What are you doing? I think I can make

this work. Come on.

Come on. What--what is this? Stand here. Turn around. Turn around. Oh, no. Here, hold this. [laughing] I don't believe--I don't believe

you're doing this. That. You look great. [synthesizer music] [applause] Now, ladies and gentlemen,

INC Defense Industries proudly presents

their new line of small arms for what could be a very, very

hot summer in Central America. Hey, let's meet Chuck,

shall we? Cool and dry in his green-tree

camo fatigues. Chuck tracks terrorists

by night with his 9 millimeter

silence DK assault rifle. Now, here's Johnny. But don't get too close,

because Johnny's equipped with the incredible secret Uzi

9 millimeter freeze gun. [camera clicking] A very nasty terrorist

problem in San Marcos. The army had the guns, we might be able

to stop the killing. And it's a b*tch of a problem,

isn't it, Jack? Well, actually,

I've been reading that it's the army that's

doing most of the killing. Huh. Jack, the army's been

busting its ass to eliminate the murder and the torture and the human rights

violations down there. (Dantley)

Left-wing terrorists

fire-bombed our 26th Mr. Chicken franchise

just yesterday. The Marxists are denying

the people of Latin America their right to eat Mr. Chicken. And they're denying

Mr. Chicken his human right to franchise, make a profit. I sure as hell don't want some

made-in-Moscow Mr. Cabbage Roll shoved down my throat

against my will. (Bob)

Absolutely. Those peasants deserve

the dignity and human right to eat Mr. Chicken when

and where they please. (Helmes)

And, Jack. When that right is threatened in the western hemisphere, it becomes

a national security issue for the United States

of America. We're talking

of the very survival of the entire concept of internationally

franchised chicken, Jack. We've got work to do. [applause] (man)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, a toast from General Sanchez. Totalitarianism, no! Authoritarianism, si! (all)

Totalitarianism, no! Authoritarianism, si! I enjoyed your company's

little fashion show, seor. Now business, huh? Very nice, huh? Just like a big drug deal,

huh, seor? [laughing] Drug deal. [gasps] I was joking, seor. [laughing] It was a joke, huh? I never dealt dope in my life! That freighter off Miami,

I-I knew nothing. I-I didn't say-- You think you can buy us

just like that, huh? You and your

self-righteous democracy. You have democracy,

my little friend, because you are rich, huh? You can afford both

the Mercedes and the free press. We in San Marcos

are poor, seor. We can afford only one--

the Mercedes. [snickering] [door opening] [gasping] Ella estaba sacando fotos! What? Put that back! [yelping] [groaning] thud! This is no time

for foolish heroics, seor. This is business. Jackthey've got guns. [snaps fingers]

The money. Just give him the money. Don't worry. This is--this is

the United States of America. Nobody's going

to shoot anybody in the middle of downtown.

Shoot them. [machine gun fire] The money, seor. Oh, I'm glad you two

are all right. Uh, Jack, give the general

his money. His money? Let me talk to him for a moment,

General. Jack, I'm afraid you're

in a tight spot here. Wha--what do you mean? Even though this is

our building, this is

their embassy floor. They're not subject

to our laws here. And they're trigger-happy. We're dealing with a race

of people who just don't put the same price

on human life as we do. But I've got you

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