Heartburn
- R
- Year:
- 1986
- 108 min
- 753 Views
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi. Can I sit here?
Where were you?
I couldn't get up.
It's so hot in here.
Please be seated.
Dearly beloved...
Richard, on the other side,
two rows back, next to the hat.
- Where?
- Don't look in an obvious way, OK?
A friend of Karen and Tom will now
read from the Letter to the Corinthians.
That's Mark Forman.
He writes a column in Washington.
Is he single?
He's famous for it.
Very single.
"Love is long-suffering and kind.
"Love does not envy. Love does not
make a vain display of itself
"and does not boast.
Does not behave itself unseemly.
"Bears all things, believes all things,
"hopes all things, endures all things.
"Love never fails.
"And now abide faith, hope, love.
"These three,
but the greatest of these...
"...is love."
Two white wines, please.
Thank you.
I'm Mark Forman.
Rachel Samstat.
I saw you on Meet The Press.
I read your article about ice-cream.
I disagree with you about
Hagen-Dazs Rum Raisin.
What can I say?
- You were so vicious about it.
- I'm a vicious person.
That's what I hear.
Next time you have one of those
food contests down at the magazine,
I'd like to be a judge. I really would.
I'll come up from Washington for it.
Meanwhile...
...how would you like to go
someplace and have a drink?
I have to go tell someone
that I'm leaving.
- You here with a date?
- No. My friend. An editor.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Sorry.
Here.
I'm gonna go have a drink with him.
Fine.
My wife's name was Kimberley.
One of the very first Kimberleys.
My husband had hamsters.
- Me too.
- Not as a grown-up, you didn't.
He had hamsters
named Arnold and Shirley.
And he was always whipping up little
salads for them in the Slice-O-Matic
and buying them
extremely small sweaters
at a pet boutique in Rego Park.
Also, there was a certain amount
Both of you?
Well, he was Arnold...
...and I was Shirley.
to get me to have one.
A nose job.
I love your nose.
Well, it goes with my face.
I always say that, but it isn't true.
You say you love her.
You can remember her love for you.
What happened so far?
She was decapitated
in a dreadful automobile accident.
That was the exact problem
at the laboratory.
So he carried the head back
in a towel that he had in the car.
And she wakes up on a tray and says,
"Where am I?
"Oh, no, don't tell me.
"I've been in an awful accident
and lost my arms and legs."
And he says,
"Worse than that, I'm afraid."
This is great.
So you just go in the kitchen
at four in the morning...
- Oh, sure.
- And you come back out with this.
This is the best spaghetti carbonara
I've ever had.
You're making fun of me.
You probably think it's very bourgeois
to cook for somebody on the first date.
You probably think
I do this for everybody.
Rachel, I love this.
When we're married,
I want this once a week.
I'm never getting married again.
I don't believe in marriage.
Neither do I.
Does your sister behave like this
at all her weddings?
- She's never done this before.
- No?
Let me go see.
Thank you. Hi.
Hi. Hi.
- Get her already.
- I will, Daddy.
Rachel, everybody's waiting.
I don't know what to tell them.
I don't know, Eleanor. I don't know.
Mom and Dad were a disaster.
Charlie and I were a disaster.
Everybody... except for you two.
How long have you and Harvey
been married?
- Twelve years.
- And it's a wonderful marriage, isn't it?
It's OK.
- The secret is wax paper.
- Wax paper?
You butter the wax paper
on both sides.
Then add the chicken just as
- Filleted, of course?
- Of course. And not a trace of skin.
Oh, no, never, never.
Fifty per cent of all marriages
end in divorce.
Not second marriages.
Forty per cent of all second marriages
end in divorce.
You can't even get a decent bagel
in Washington DC.
I'll send them to you Federal Express.
Thank you.
Julie and Arthur Siegel. We met
in Washington. Mark's oldest friends.
I hope we're not disturbing you.
No, no, come in.
Rachel, we don't know you very well,
but we know Mark.
20 years. For 20 years
he's been terrible to women.
Lying, cheating...
Bringing them to our house for lunch
then leaving them there, vanishing.
- Until you.
- You're the only person
he's ever treated decently.
Your mother would've loved him.
Yeah.
But she was crazy.
That's true.
Add about four cups of heavy cream.
- And begin boiling.
- Cream and shallots.
- Cream and shallots.
- So simple, so far.
OK, it is done
in approximately 20 minutes.
You want me to marry him, don't you?
I don't want you to do anything.
That is such a lie.
All you therapists want is for us
to get married and have babies.
It's the closest
you ever get to a cure.
I'm just trying to understand why you
don't wanna marry somebody you love.
Because it doesn't work.
Marriage doesn't work.
You know what works? Divorce.
Divorce is only a temporary solution.
Let's be sensible. We're happy now.
If we get married, we'll ruin everything.
The minute you get married,
you start to drive each other crazy.
Why not?
Because you already drive me crazy.
I love you.
I have to trust you.
Do you know where your shoes are?
Do you know?
I do.
I know everything about you.
And it's just the beginning.
Made it, huh?
We are here today to celebrate
the marriage of Rachel and Mark
and their commitment
to a life together.
Do you, Mark, have this woman
to be your wife,
to love her, honour her,
cherish her in joy and in sorrow
for as long as you both shall live?
I do.
Do you, Rachel, have this man
to be your husband,
to love him, honour him,
cherish him in joy and in sorrow
for as long as you both shall live?
I do.
I, Mark Louis Forman, take you,
Rachel Louise Samstat,
to be my wife,
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish
from this day forward,
until death part... part us.
With this ring, I wed thee.
take you, Mark Louis Forman,
to be my husband,
to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,
from this day forward,
With this ring, I thee wed.
As Mark and Rachel
have decided to marry
and have promised to be loving
and faithful to each other
through all the circumstances
life may bring,
have exchanged rings
as a token of that pledge,
I declare that they are
husband and wife.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Gorgeous little tree.
- Oh, this white one?
- Yes.
- No, no.
- What? Which one?
- The...
- Oh, the sold one.
Needs a little work. OK?
Oh, well, we got a good price on it
because they had a sort of a fire.
Thank you.
And this...
...is...
...why we bought the place.
It's the... It's the original fireplace.
What do you think?
Yeah, you have to use
your imagination.
It's going to be beautiful.
Not necessarily in your lifetime.
It's just that there's no door
to the kitchen.
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"Heartburn" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/heartburn_9757>.
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