Heaven Can Wait Page #3

- Don't be harsh.

- I'm sorry if I seem to have lost my temper, but the occasion is a trying one.

- If you could tell us what the child is saying,

it might help us to meet the situation.

Must be contagious disease.

Son, step out with me a moment.

- Good morning!

- Morning, Albert.

- Shh.! Hush.

- What's going on?

Now, Son, you still don't know

what's the matter with that boy?

Father, I wouldn't presume

to make a diagnosis.

- After all, I'm not a man of medicine.

- Randolph, how old are you?

What an odd question, Father.

I'm 43.

Well, I think you are definitely old enough

to be told the facts of life.

- What are you driving at, Father?

- Now, Son, don't look at me with those big wandering eyes.

It breaks my heart, but I'll have to shatter

your childhood illusions.

Randolph, my son,

there is no Santy Claus.

And that child of your-

Listen, don't you really know

what's the matter with him?

- You get out of here!

- Bertha, what is it?

- Randolph, call the police at once.

- Yes. Call the police.

Quiet! Quiet!

We don't need the police.

Bertha, Mother. I wish someone would take

the time to explain to me what this is all about.

Believe me, Monsieur,

the excitement is greatly exagr.

- How dare you speak.

- Have you no shame?

- Oh, please, Grandpapa.

- Don't you call him Grandpapa!

- Don't you dare call him Grandpapa!

- Girls, girls - Shut up!

Go ahead.

Call me Grandpapa.

Merci, Monsieur. Merci beaucoup, Monsieur.

You are very kind.

Yes, I'm very kind, but you'd better go

and pack your things now.

And if you're not out of the house in a very little

while, I'll come down to your room and help you pack.

I wish you would, Grandpapa.

- Oh, shameless, shameless!

- Leave this house! Go!

There is old French saying: If you are

thrown out of house, you better resign.

Au revoir.

I still would appreciate it if someone would tell me

what all this has to do with our little Henry.

Fortunately, Uncle Randolph,

French always being one of my favorite subjects...

I was able to understand the incredible

conversation between Henry and Mademoiselle.

- I, uh, don't know how to begin.

- All right, all right.

Henry had a glass of wine.

We all know that.

Henry? Intoxicated?

From what I overheard,

at or about 10:
00 last night...

Henry and this - this foreign young woman

slipped out of the house.

Before doing this, however, Henry wrongfully

took possession of his father's dress clothes...

including $20 which Uncle Randolph was

negligent enough to leave in his pocket.

Imagine. They went to Delmonico's.

- Did they have a good time?

- They drank champagne.

Our little baby drank champagne.

- Well, thank you, Albert.

- But that's not all, Grandfather.

It seems, from what I could gather,

that Mrs. Asterbrook, of the Asterbrooks...

who was sitting at an adjoining table...

resented bitterly the idea of Henry

dropping a nickel into her dcolletage...

and complaining to the management because

no chocolate bar dropped out of Mrs. Asterbrook.

Mrs. Asterbrook?

How can I ever face her?

What a disgrace!

I'm going to teach that boy a lesson.

Yes, that's what he deserves -

throwing nickels around like that.

Knowing the Asterbrooks, I can tell you

right now we'll never see that nickel again.

I have reached my decision.

That boy is going to be spanked - and severely.

Oh, Randolph, don't hurt him.

Please don't hurt him.

- No, no, Randolph.

- Please, please. He's such a baby.

- Well, I assume there will be no further birthday celebration.

- I'm afraid not.

I believe I can utilize this time very beneficially,

so I'll say good-bye.

Good-bye, Albert.

You're a real credit to the family.

Thank you, Grandfather.

It was a Sunday morning,

the day of my 26th birthday.

Oh, that boy.

Well, at least poor Grandmother- may her soul

rest in peace -was spared seeing a day like this.

Oh, Randolph. Randolph, where can he be?

Where can he be?

Now, now, Bertha.

I'd like to give you some consolation...

but all I can say is chins up.

Oh, Randolph,

where does he get it from?

I give up, Bertha.

I never gambled in all my life.

I never got entangled

with any girl until I met you.

- Randolph, you call it entangled?

- I mean you entangled my heart.

Oh, of course, Randolph.

We entangled each other's heart.

Believe me, Bertha, I never knew

what a musical comedy girl looked like.

What can he possibly derive

from their company?

To me, they were creatures

from another planet.

Where does he get it from?

Nobody in our family was musical.

To this day I wouldn't know

how to find the stage entrance to a theater.

It's always around in the back

up an alleyway.

There's a sign over the door:

"Stage Entrance. " You can't miss it.

But I'm not interested, Father.

I never was.

Where does the boy get it from?

Where does he get it from?

Father built up the Van Cleve Importing Company

from nothing. When he stopped, I carried on.

Dad, you must admit, from the day I left Harvard,

I earned every dollar I ever spent.

Then why do you give him money

without making him work for it?

I have to save the family name. What about you

handing him hundreds of dollars?

- If I'd come to you for money, would you have given it to me?

- No.

But you give it to him.

Why? Why? Why?

Because I like him.

Does that mean, by any chance, Father,

that you don't like me?

Son, I love you.

Now shut up and leave me alone.

Good morning.

- Good morning, Aunt Bertha.

- Good morning, Albert.

- Good morning, Grandfather.

- Morning, Albert.

- Good morning, Uncle Randolph.

- Good morning, Albert.

I just came in to bring a little

birthday remembrance for Henry.

Anything wrong?

Isn't he home?

11:
00 Sunday morning.

If I know my cousin Henry,

he's probably still in church.

I mean that humorously.

Albert, I'm struggling successfully

against the gout...

I'm waging a terrific battle with my liver,

and I'm holding my own against asthma...

but I doubt if I have strength enough

to survive your jokes.

You're a successful lawyer.

Let it go at that.

I love you, Albert.

Uh, it was sweet of you

to drop in, Albert.

I hope he'll be here tonight

to thank you.

I hope so too, otherwise I'd be

in the most embarrassing position...

as far as my future

in-laws are concerned.

We're so eager to meet your fiance.

How does she like New York?

Yes. Is she enjoying herself?

Well, she's only been here two days,

so naturally the impression is overwhelming.

I took her to the aquarium. We rode up and down

the elevator in the Flatiron Building...

and naturally,

we ended up in Grant's Tomb.

Naturally.

Uh, and her parents?

Oh, yes. How does the big

Kansas City butcher like New York?

- Now, Father, please.

- I assume that you're referring to...

my future father-in-law, who happens to be

one of the great meat-packers of our time.

Yes, Father Van Cleve. Don't you realize

that every piece of beef we eat...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes