Heaven Can Wait Page #4

comes from one of

Mr. Strable's many, many plants?

Does that include the steak

I fought 10 rounds with last night?

Grandfather, you don't seem to have any idea

of the importance of Mr. Strable.

He created the most famous character

in American advertising - Mabel, the cow.

You've seen her, Father,

on billboards.

That big, happy cow

smiling at you over the fence...

and saying in big letters, um, uh -

How does it go?

"To the world my name is Mabel,

which you'll find on every label.

I am packed by E.F. Strable,

for the pleasure of your table. "

No cow in its right mind

could have said anything like that.

- Sounds more like Mr. Strable.

- Grandfather, please, I beg of you.

The family understands your humor,

but it's a typical kind of New York humor.

In other words, it's not for yokels, huh?

I beg your pardon, sir. Mr. Henryjust came home.

He went directly upstairs.

Aunt Bertha, when you see Henry,

will you tell him that as a Van Cleve...

I have the right to demand that

he keep the shadow of scandal off our name?

You see, my future in-laws are,

so to speak, pioneer people, and -

"Packed by E.F. Strable...

for the pleasure of our table. "

Holy smoke.!

- Good-bye, Aunt Bertha.

- Uh, good-bye, Albert.

- Well, this time I was firm.

- Good, Randolph. What happened?

He asked for a hundred dollars, but I told him.

I told him I'd let him have only 50.

- Randolph -

- And not right away.

For the first time in 27 years of marriage,

I feel like criticizing you.

What do you want me to do?

Spank a 26-year-old boy?

No, but at least I expected

a verbal lashing.

- Are you all right, my boy?

- Yes, Mother.

Many happy returns of the day. Ohh.

Mother, I'm sorry

if I made you unhappy.

Oh, Grandfather and Father and I

are worried to death about you.

You don't give your family

a single thought.

All you think about

is having what you call a good time.

Mother, I went out last night

to raise Cain.

- Son, you mustn't talk like that.

- Don't worry. I didn't.

I couldn't.

I couldn't get her out of my mind.

Son, you worry me.

Are you well?

Mother...

when you saw Father for the first time,

did you feel that unmistakable something?

Did you feel an electric spark

from your head right down to your toes...

that swept over you like a hurricane

and threw you to the ground...

but you bounced up again

and floated over the treetops?

Spark? A hurricane?

Heaven forbid.

I never had such a feeling.

Henry, where do you get it from?

Not from me. And certainly

your father never had any spark.

Mother, all I'm trying to say is...

I met a girl yesterday.

Oh. I hope she comes from

a good family.

I don't know.

And frankly, I don't care.

Mother, when one sees a lovely rose -

One can be certain

she comes from a fine rosebush.

Mother, even if this girl's father turned out to be

something of a buttercup, I wouldn't care.

What's her name?

Where does she live?

I wish I knew.

She isn't one of

those musical comedy girls?

Oh, no, Mother.

It's an entirely different kind of music.

It's not the hootchy-kootchy.

It's not the cancan.

It's like a waltz by Strauss.

Like a minuet by Mozart.

Henry, where do you get it from?

From you, Mother.

Now, you must be just.

When I was a little boy,

you wanted me to believe in fairy tales...

and now that one

has really happened -

You remember that story

about the young man -

I think he was a shepherd

who was walking in the woods -

Oh, you've been in the country.

No, no, Mother.

It happened right on Broadway.

Suddenly the young man

saw a big castle...

and leaning out of the window

was the most beautiful princess.

Nothing could stop him.

He climbed up the parapet of the castle -

Henry. You haven't broken into

the Waldorf again?

Mother, darling,

let's forget the fairy tale.

Well, it's about time you grew up.

I came here to scold you,

and I'm going to do it.

Now, look at your cousin Albert.

Not much older than you are

and already a corporation lawyer...

engaged to a lovely girl

of a well-known family.

Henry, now, this may sound severe, but you've

got to pull yourself together and settle down.

Mother, I don't think I'll ever find this girl,

but if I did, then all your troubles would be over.

If she didn't want me to gamble,

I wouldn't look at another card.

I'd stay home every night.

Mother, I might even go to work.

Henry, that's wonderful.

I don't know about the girl...

but the fact that you have the desire

to settle down makes me so happy.

For the first time

you're beginning to sound like your father.

Uh, Mother, I don't know where

this girl is, so don't expect too much.

Oh, now listen to your mother.

Don't worry about that girl.

Another girl will come along.

- I'll look for one myself. How's that?

- Fine. Fine, Mother.

And when I find a girl for you,

she'll be Miss Right.

And do you know where we'll find her?

In the home of Mr. and Mrs. Right.

Oh, Henry,

you're making me so happy.

Mother, I was riding around for hours and hours

trying to forget this girl.

Oh, child, don't worry.

Well, it was very expensive.

The cab is still waiting out in front...

and the driver was so nice to me

that I promised him, if-

I know. Your heart's always bigger

than your father's pocketbook.

Look under your pillow.

I put something there last night.

Oh, Mother.

Sometimes I wonder

if you're not spoiling me.

- Here, dear.

- Oh, thank you.

Well, this is a great occasion.

You must be proud of your Albert.

- Yes, I think we have a pretty good son.

- Oh.

- I hear the Strable family-

- We couldn't ask anything better for our Albert.

- Oh, wonderful.

- Mr. and Mrs. Strable and Miss Strable.

Good evening, Grandfather, Aunt Bertha,

Uncle Randolph, dear, dear family.

It is my privilege and honor

to present Mr. and Mrs. E.F. Strable.

And last but not least, well...

here she is.

- How do you do, madam?

- How do you do?

I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward

to the pleasure of meeting you.

All my life I've wanted to see

the wide-open spaces.

Well, if Muhammad can't go to the mountain,

the mountain must come to Muhammad.

You're welcome, Mrs. Strable.

- Yes, we're pretty proud of Kansas.

- Naturally.

And you, Mr. Strable,

welcome to our family.

Mr. Van Cleve, we people

from the West don't talk much...

but when we say something,

we mean it.

- Thank you.

- Thank you for giving me the chance...

to meet the man who feeds the nation.

I hope this will be the beginning

of a lifelong friendship.

May you lie as solidly anchored

in our hearts as you do in our stomachs.

And, uh, Grandfather,

this is Martha.

So, this is Martha, huh?

Well, Martha.

- Yes, Mr. Van Cleve?

- Grandpa.

- Yes, Grandpa.

- If I were about 50 years younger...

I'd take you right away from that s -

splendid young man

you're going to marry...

and who is going to make you

a wonderful husband.

Kiss your grandpa.

- Well, I see the mob has assembled.

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