Heaven Can Wait Page #6

Please forgive me,

but can't we be friends?

- Just friends?

- Never.

Now, look, we're gonna be related, aren't we?

And we're gonna see each other.

- How can we help it?

- I suppose we can't.

And if we meet in the future we don't have to

talk about personal things - about you and me.

Let's talk about something neutral.

- For instance, Albert.

- Why not?

By the way, do you love Albert?

I'm marrying him, am I not?

- Are you?

- Yes, I am.

No, you're not. You can't.

You haven't got the book.

- What book?

- How to Make Your Husband Happy.

Well, it might interest you to know

that I went back and bought it.

Does it tell you how to

make a man happy whom you don't love?

Now, look here, Cousin Henry.

Albert's a fine man.

Yes, he is.

He's good, and - and he has integrity.

- And he's full of high ideals.

- Do you love him?

Well, I'm gonna make him a very fine wife.

At least I'm gonna try my best.

There'll never be a moment in his whole life

when he'll ever regret having married me.

And if you ask me one more question, I'm gonna

leave this room, and I'll never come back again.

Never!

I still can't understand it.

An angel like you and Albert.

It - It doesn't make sense.

Why do you want to marry him?

Well, you see,

I always wanted to live in New York.

I don't want to say

anything against Kansas...

but life on my father's estate -

Don't misunderstand me. We have all

the modern conveniences and luxuries, but -

Oh, and you don't know

Father and Mother.

Well, I've - I've only just met them.

- Don't you think they're sweet?

- Well, yes. Very sweet.

Yes, they are. But it's not very easy

to live with them.

You see, most of the time

they don't talk to one another.

And whenever a young man -

and there were some very nice ones -

Oh, I'm sure of it.

If one of them asked for my hand

and my mother said yes, my father said no.

And when my father said yes,

my mother said no.

But Albert came at one of those rare moments

when they were both on speaking terms.

And if I hadn't said yes...

who knows when my parents might have been

talking to each other again?

I might have spent

the rest of my life in Kansas.

Don't misunderstand me.

I love Kansas.

It's just that

I don't feel like living there.

Besides that...

I didn't want to be an old maid.

Not in Kansas.

Well, you're going to live right here in New York,

and you don't have to marry Albert.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Yes, you do. You're gonna get married, but not to Albert.

And yet you won't even have to

change the initials on your linen.

- You're going to marry me.

- Oh, we can't do that.

How can I marry you?

I'm not even engaged to you.

- Martha, do you love me?

- I hardly know you.

You don't need to know anything when you love.

Love needs no introduction. You love or you don't.

- You don't know what you're saying. You must be out of your mind.

- Do you love me or don't you?

Trying to take away the fiance of

your own cousin, causing a family scandal.

- Do you love me?

- Yes.

Oh.

Oh, why did you ever come into my life?

To make you happy.

To hold you in my arms forever.

I'll never be able to

look my father in the face.

- I'll never be able to go back to Kansas again.

- Isn't that wonderful?

Oh, I wish I were dead.

Look, let's get away. Let's get married immediately.

Right away. Tonight.

- You mean elope?

- That's what I mean.

But where would we go? Oh, I never did

such a thing before. I feel so helpless.

I haven't got a thing with me.

Oh, I wish I were dead.

When Romeo and Juliet ran away,

they didn't stop to say good-bye.

When Leander swam the Hellespont to his

beloved, he didn't bother to take a suitcase.

When Tristan falls in love with Isolde,

they have to sing for three and a half hours.

All I'm asking you to do is hop into a cab and drive to

the first justice of the peace. What are we waiting for?

Was that Henry and Martha?

- What happened?

- They left in a cab. They're going to get married.

- Married?

- Married? Married?

Oh, Randolph,

where does he get it from?

Now, now, Bertha.

Keep a stiff upper lip.

Sir, I am still too dazed

to express myself clearly...

but I assure you that the sentiments

of our family are with you.

If this happened at home, my husband

would jump on a horse and lasso them back.

Don't you tell me what I would do.

But there's one thing I am going to do -

disinherit her.

She'll never see another nickel of mine.

- We came here from Kansas a happy family.

- Well, anyway, a family.

- We loved our Martha.

- Don't mention her name again.

And if she comes crawling

back to me on her knees...

she'll find the door closed -

and don't you open it.

Please, dear family...

thank you, thank you for your efforts

to comfort me in my bereavement...

but I feel there are others who need

even more consolation than I do.

Uncle Randolph and Aunt Bertha...

you will have to forget as the years pass by

that you are the parents of the guilty party.

And you, Mr. and Mrs. Strable -

well, there's very little

I can say to sustain you.

And to you, Mrs. Cooper-Cooper...

I offer our deepest apology for the unfortunate

interruption of your beautiful aria.

I would like to go on,

but the strain is too much.

Flogdell.

- Do you know where they were going?

- No, sir.

Flogdell, we've been together for 30 years.

You've never lied to me.

Now tell me.

Do you know where they were going?

- Yes, sir.

- Get your hat and coat.

- Very well, sir.

- Get a cab and tell the driver to go like lightning.

- Very well, sir.

- I think they should have a honeymoon, don't you?

- I think so, sir.

- Then hurry, hurry, hurry!

"She was packed by E.F. Strable...

"to be served at Albert's table...

but that Henry changed the label. "

That's poetry.

In the next 10 years old houses were torn down.

New houses rose taller and taller.

New York was changing all over.

But our marriage had lasted

just like our two-story gray-stone house.

- Good morning, Flogdell.

- Good morning, sir.

- Oh, you're a new man, aren't you?

- Yes, sir.

- How long have you been here?

- I should say about a year, sir.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

- Shh! Jackie.

- Good morning, Daddy.

You know very well you're not supposed to

bounce that ball until your mother is up.

- I'm sorry, Daddy.

- I've told you this many times.

And I'm always sorry, Daddy.

Daddy, I'll bet you'd like to know

what I'm gonna give you for your birthday.

- I'm dying to know.

- It's something to wear.

- Let's see now. Uh, is it a tie?

- I'm not telling.

I'll give you a hint.

It has 22 colors in it.

No tie can have that many colors,

so it can't be a tie.

It can't be, huh?

Now, I'm not saying it is a tie...

but if it were a tie, there wouldn't be

another one like it in the world.

- I can believe that, Jackie.

- Daddy, how old are you going to be?

- Thirty-six.

- That's pretty old, isn't it?

Uh -Well, I never thought about it,

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