Heavyweights

---

Excuse us.

Jeez, get a room or something.

All right!

They're getting charged

for those.

Those books aren't cheap,

either.

What are you looking at?

Hey, Gerry,

isn't that your bus?

Great way

to start the summer.

Wait! Stop the bus! Stop!

Ha ha ha!

Go, fat boy, go!

# Everybody wants to live,

and they want to live #

# And everybody wants to love,

and they want to love #

# Everybody wants to be #

# Closer to free #

# Yeah, and yeah, yeah #

# Everybody wants respect #

Foul ball! Strike two!

Little help here, son.

Come on. Toss it over.

# Once in a while #

Unh!

Give it another try, son.

Right here!

Over the fence, son!

Here!

Unh!

# Everybody one,

everybody two #

# Everybody three #

# Everybody needs to touch,

you know, now and then #

# And everybody wants

a good, good friend #

# Everybody wants to be

closer to free #

Lemonade, lemonade.

# Everybody wants to live #

# And they want to live #

Mom!

# Everybody wants to be #

# Closer to free #

Hello?

We're in here, honey.

Come on, son.

Why is everybody home?

Did someone die?

Who's this?

Hi, Gerry. Roger Johnson.

Islanders fan, huh?

Team of the future, I say.

Yeah.

Whatever, I'm out of here.

Hold those horses, cowboy.

Mr. Johnson is your guest...

and he's here to talk to you

about a special summer camp.

A camp designed

just for you, Gerry.

Summer camp? No way!

I have plans for the summer.

I'm gonna hang out!

Come on, honey.

He's got a videotape.

Why don't

we take a little peek?

Why don't we not?

Greetings, future campers.

I'm Alice Bushkin,

and this is Harvey...

and we've been

the owners and operators...

of Camp Hope

for 32 wonderful summers.

Won't you join us for number 33?

Whoa!

Hmm.

What's that?

This is called "the Blob."

"The Blob," huh?

You can go

as high as 15 feet.

Wow.

Wow, go-karts.

How many times

can you go on the go-karts?

As much as you want, Gerry.

But be careful.

They can be addicting.

I'm only kidding.

Hi, I'm Pat Finley!

I've been coming here

since I was 10 years old.

Want to know why?

Because Camp Hope

is the fun way to lose weight.

It's a fat camp!

Are you crazy? No way!

I'm not going to a camp

with a bunch of fat-loads!

- Gerry!

- That's not kind, Gerry.

We are doing this

for your own good.

We gotta nip this thing

in the bud.

I'm fine.

This is a joke, right?

You're fatter than I am.

Why don't you go?

You show your father

some respect.

I think we should have

a little powwow...

and we will call you

with our decision later.

I'll give you my decision

right now.

I'm not going.

This is

Captain Harris speaking...

...cruising altitude

of 29,000 feet.

Those of you on the left side

of the aircraft...

have a nice view of

the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Hey, there, Mr. Rainy Day.

I've got a little surprise

for you.

Hmm?

Huh?

...but in your seats...

we request that you keep

your seat belts fastened.

Cutie.

Great.

Headed to fat camp?

No. Why do you say that?

Because you're fat.

Is that your dad?

No. Why do you say that?

Because he's fat, too.

Well, so are you.

I know. That's why

I'm going to fat camp.

- I'm Roy.

- I'm Gerry.

I guess I'm going.

I knew it!

And that's your dad, too,

isn't it?

- Hell no!

- You'll love camp, man.

Camp is awesome.

No one picks on you because

you're not the fat kid.

Everybody's the fat kid.

Stick with me, Gerry,

because I'm the man.

Mr. Bushkin tells the scariest

ghost stories you ever heard.

Yes, have no fear,

I have returned.

I got a rookie here,

and his name's Gerry...

so show him

the same amount of respect...

that you show me--none.

Excuse me!

I'm looking for

several portly adolescents.

That's us.

You're looking good, Pat.

Tell me something

I don't know.

Let's load her up!

Hey, hey!

How you doing, guys?

- Phillip, how are you?

- This is Gerry.

Hey, Gerry.

I'm Pat Finley.

I'm sure you recognize me

from my work...

in the Camp Hope

promotional video.

We have

a little tradition, Gerry.

The new guy drives to camp.

Right, guys?

Keep it under 70.

We got some weird local cops.

You drive a stick, right?

No, but I can try.

No, no, no.

Sorry, cannot risk it.

Come here a second.

I gotta ask you something.

Something very serious.

Are you ready for the best

damn summer of your life?

Yeah!

Is everybody gonna

behave themselves this summer?

- No!

- Good! That's what I expect!

Can't do it.

Gotta get back to the camp!

- Pull over, please!

- Don't bug me!

- All right!

- Yeah!

Ha ha!

Psyched you out!

- You stink, Pat!

- That's not funny!

I thought that was

pretty amusing, myself.

Garner, where you from?

- Long Island.

- Never heard of it.

Sam, don't lean

your head out the window.

We lost six kids

like that last summer.

I'm not going

to pick up your head.

I don't need it anyway!

Camp Hope, everybody!

Best place on earth!

Camp Hope!

Camp Hope! Camp Hope!

Camp Hope!

Camp Hope! Camp Hope!

Mm-hmm.

All right, now in

a nice, orderly fashion...

get off my bus!

It's stuck!

I don't know what to do!

It's stuck!

- Heads up!

- Unh!

Here's another one!

Hey, bony butt.

How was your year,

chicken legs?

It's not funny, guys.

Why are they teasing him?

That's a counselor named Tim.

He used to be one of us,

but then he lost weight...

so we give him

a hard time about it.

- He's cool, though.

- Let's hear it.

Tim, what happened,

did you have a baby?

That's funny.

Just because I got these

great, skinny buns of steel.

Whoo! Look at that--

all tight and toned.

Bet you wish they were yours.

Don't you?

Take a look, boys!

The envy of the entire camp--

Up there is the bald eagle,

which is a single breed...

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm Julie, the new nurse.

Pat.

Pat, I'm a little lost.

Can you tell me

where the infirmary is?

Well, let's see...

Uh...No.

Oh, well...I'll find it.

Nice to meet you.

Pat, you've been coming here

since you were ten...

and you don't know

where the infirmary is?

I panicked.

What are we gonna do

with you, man?

Help me with these bags,

all right?

- Garner.

- Yeah?

Let's get working

on this trunk.

OK.

- You got a girlfriend?

- Oh, no.

So you broke up with her

before the summer...

so you could be free

to play the field, huh?

Yeah,

you gotta play the field.

Yeah, I break up with

my girlfriend every summer.

You gotta be free, you know?

All right, put it down.

This is it, Gerry.

I've been the counselor

in here for 10 years.

I hope you're ready.

You'll be hanging with

some pretty cool cats.

Josh, how you doing, man?

Roy.

I just saw the new nurse,

and she's very attractive.

This pleases me.

Here it is!

Ah, Chez Chipmunk--

my summer home.

What do we got here?

Gerry, this is Josh,

camp legend.

Aye-aye, Captain, sir.

All present and accounted for,

Captain, sir.

What's the matter?

You're not a captain?

No.

Then maybe you

should lose the wings.

Welcome to

the Chipmunk bunk, Captain--

the best bunk

in the entire camp.

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