Heavyweights Page #2

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Yep! Sure is.

You guys aren't gonna call me

Captain all summer, are you?

Yes, sir, Captain!

Captain, looks like

you're all set here.

I gotta take care of

some other stuff.

You're the best, Pat.

All right, take it easy.

All right, Gerry, over here

is your brand-new bunk.

Don't tell anybody...

but I snuck in some Oreos

for emergencies.

That was very sneaky of you.

Chipmunks!

Download, now!

New kid! Yo!

Come on over here!

Get these salamis off my back.

They really hurt.

Phillip, look at this.

That's pretty nice, Nicholas...

but look at this.

Yes!

Crikey!

I knew it was too hot

in that bus.

This is definitely not sanitary.

Everyone!

Grab a taste of England, guys!

You'll love the Bushkins.

Every year

they surprise us...

with something cool

for the camp.

Last year

they got us the Blob...

and this year I hear

they're getting us jet skis.

- Jet skis!

- Here they come.

- You'll love these people.

- Really?

Greetings, campers.

Hi! Hi! Hiya!

You'll get it.

That's the greatest sound

I've heard in a long time.

Harvey and I are saddened

and dismayed to announce...

that we are no longer

the owners of Camp Hope.

- What?

- What's going on?

What are you talking about?

Sometimes in life...

things don't work out

the way you planned...

and in those situations,

sometimes...

you file Chapter 9

bankruptcy--Jesus!

We worked our whole life,

and what do we have to show?

Nothing! Nothing!

Harvey, please stop.

What?

OK, kids, out with the old,

and in with the new.

It won't be the same

without them.

Your new owner will introduce

himself in a minute.

But you know what I would like?

Please, could you give us

just one more...

Camp Hope "Hi, hi, hiya"?

Hiya.

God bless all of you.

We love you, Harvey!

He's kidding, guys.

He's gotta be.

One word of advice.

Never let anyone

sign your checks!

Harvey, please.

You can't leave.

We need you.

Come back.

- What are we gonna do?

- I don't know, man.

Now, it's time to meet

your new owner and operator.

Tony Perkis is a man

who believes in you.

His life is dedicated

to saying things like...

"Yes!" and

"You better believe it!"

Entrepreneur, a motivator,

and a new friend...

may I introduce

Tony Perkis!

Mm. Can you smell it?

What? No.

There's a life force

in here tonight.

Do you feel it? Hmm?

I look around this room...

and I see potential.

I see the future chairman

of a Fortune 500 company.

I see a famous rap artist.

I see the president of

the United States of America.

He's from England.

Being an only child...

educated entirely by

private tutors my whole life...

I'm looking forward

to interacting...

with children

for the first time.

I'm going to teach you...

and I bet you might teach me

a little something, also.

Now, those of you from

western Pennsylvania...

probably know my father,

Tony Perkis Senior...

the Lighting Fixture King.

All the lights you'll see

around this camp...

have been donated by him.

But I'm gonna do

old Dad one better.

I'm not gonna give you a light.

I'm gonna show you the light!

And to help me do it...

let's meet the new staff

of Camp Hope.

Team Perkis!

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

All right!

Stand proud, boys!

Hey, who wants to be

on TV, huh?

That's Kenny the cameraman.

Hey, there, Kenny!

If all goes

according to plan...

we're gonna turn this summer

into the number-one...

weight-loss infomercial

in the country!

You're kidding.

Kids, at age 12...

I weighed 319 pounds.

I had bad skin,

low self-esteem...

and no self-respect.

Now...I eat success

for breakfast!

- With skim milk.

- Ugh.

Pounds are gonna fly...

and fat is

outta here, mister!

And we are gonna do it together!

Oh, my God.

Ha! Haaa...

Aah!

I want to go home!

The Bushkins always put me

in the Chipmunk bunk.

I've been here for 10 years.

According

to my information...

you have been reassigned

to the big house.

I don't think Tony would mind

if we switched back.

That would make me

feel very uncomfortable.

I'm gonna talk to Tony.

Please do.

Let me get your bag.

Unh!

Good-bye now.

Enjoy your summer.

Hello!

I am your new friend

and counselor!

Please enjoy your new

Perkis system uniforms.

Your families will be

billed automatically.

Now, let's play the fun game...

that helps us learn

each other's names.

We already know

each other's names.

Silence!

You--please announce

everyone's name.

OK. That's Roy.

That's Josh.

Sam. That's Cody.

That's Nicholas.

That's Michael. That's Phil.

And I am Lars.

"Lars"?

What kind of name is that?

Where are you from?

Far away.

I must inform you I have

a severely deviated septum.

When I sleep at night...

I make

a very disturbing sound.

Don't be alarmed.

I am fine.

Now, go to sleep.

Oh, no. I'm dead.

I'm in Heaven.

Roy? Roy.

What's going on?

Wake up, campers.

It's a glorious morning.

Today is Evaluation Day.

The key word here

is "value."

Do you have any? Not yet.

But by the end of the summer...

this camp will be

filled with skinny winners!

"Skinny weiners"?

You hear that, guys?

Do you think I'm crazy?

I'm not crazy.

I just believe in you.

And I believe in you.

Call and order now.

All right,

let's go get our hands dirty.

# Ahh, freak out! #

Glide! Stride!

Get your butt off the ground!

Concentrate!

Find your center.

# Freak out! #

Stride! Glide!

# Listen to us,

I'm sure you'll be amazed #

Stride!

I'm feeling skinny, Tony.

So am I!

Aah!

We keep this up,

I see no reason...

why we can't beat Camp MVP

in the Apache Relay.

What's an Apache Relay?

It's a dumb inter-camp event

where those jocks at MVP...

come over here and kick

our butts every year.

# Ahh, freak out! #

Only film the ones

that are standing, Kenneth.

Glide!

141 pounds, Gerry Garner.

Weight-loss goal, 17 pounds.

Please step down. Next!

Very fat, I see. 160 pounds.

Weight-loss goal, 23 pounds.

Ooh. Oh, my!

Congratulations, Mr. Simms.

You are the fattest boy in camp.

All right,

let's hear it for Simms.

Get down!

# Ahh, freak out! #

# All that pressure

got you down #

Five and a quarter.

# Has your head

spinning all around #

# Feel the rhythm #

# Chant the rhyme,

come on along #

Big smile.

# And have a real good time #

Turn around to your side.

Please put your fat finger down!

# Freak out! #

# Ahh, freak out! #

You've broken my camera!

No, no, no,

you listen to me.

If I don't get a 50,000 unit

pre-sale on this video...

my ass is wheat grass!

Just hang on a second.

Attention campers,

tonight's lecture is...

"Liposuction:

Option or Obsession."

Watch out for Salami Sam!

Whoa!

Hey, don't pee in the water!

Don't drink the water.

He peed in it!

- Nurse Julie!

- Whoa!

Excuse me, Nurse Julie.

I'm having a problem

with my sciatic nerve.

Perhaps later you could give me

a deep-tissue massage.

I'll pencil you in.

Lars, shouldn't you be

watching the kids?

Don't worry, I have them

on the body system.

"Body system"?

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