Heavyweights Page #3

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Yeah, have a look.

Body!

- Body!

- Body!

"Buddy." Heh heh.

You're obviously

a very powerful man, Lars.

Would you excuse me?

Yes, but with much difficulty!

Buddy!

All right, Gerry, it's your bat.

Nicholas, you know what to do.

Is this kind of like cricket?

It's not kind of like cricket.

It is cricket.

Just with a different name.

MVPers are almost here.

Are the boys ready?

Yeah. Tony, I really need

to talk to you about this.

Our kids will get

their butts handed to them.

Why don't we hold off on this?

Thank you for telling me

how to run my camp.

That I bought.

This won't help those kids

get any better at sports!

We're not teaching them

about sports!

We're teaching them about life!

Life.

Look!

Come on, let's go!

Let's do it!

Go, go, go!

I'm not so good at sports.

Oh, yeah,

and I'm Deion Sanders.

We're dead, guys.

All right, I want to see

some hustle out there!

- Hey, Chris.

- Pat, how you doing?

See you got a promotion.

Yeah. Listen, Chris,

over the years...

you guys have whooped us

pretty good.

How about taking it easy

on my guys this year?

- You know what I mean.

- No, I don't.

MVP campers

are trained to compete...

at the highest level

at all times.

We wouldn't

want to confuse them.

Looking good, Pat.

All right,

let's work it around!

Come on, men!

Let's hit the field

and let the fates decide.

There we go--

good plan, all right!

There you go!

Eye of the tiger!

Did you eat your

Wheaties today, Phillip?

I hope to God

you ate your Wheaties.

Simms, way to hustle.

Like a rocket--

there you go.

Pat Finley, please report...

to the men's toilet

immediately.

Bring a mop

and a plunger...now!

All right,

who's up first? Let's go!

Ohh, my arm!

Oh, my knee!

Ohh, my--

# Even the best gets beat

sometimes, baby #

Come on, lardo!

Tim, take me out, please!

# You got to hang tough #

- Ohh!

- Out!

# You got to hang tough #

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Beautiful!

Can I go to the nurse?

Yeah, OK, Phillip.

Just wait till

someone comes back, OK?

Ow, my arm.

Cody, what on earth

is going on out there?

We're Perkisizing.

Strike!

Hey, batter, batter, batter.

# Even the experts miss

sometimes #

Strike!

Strike three!

Strike!

Nice swing,

you fat towboat. Ha!

Is that all you've got?

Uhh!

That's foul!

Doh!

All right, next batter.

Let's go, son.

- Uhh!

- Look out!

- Ow!

- Sorry!

You can do it.

Keep your eyes on the bat...

put it in the pocket...

swing harder...

I have no idea

what I'm saying.

Ohh!

You OK?

There goes your perfect game.

Come on!

Calm down.

Let's go!

Take your base, you big baby!

You're holding up the game!

# You got to hang tough #

He ain't hurt.

Suck it up, Gerry!

Aww, look,

the poor baby's gonna cry.

Don't blubber, chubber!

Ha ha.

Uhh!

Don't mess with us.

No, man, that's my bed!

I don't enjoy

this part of the job.

But it's vital to the success

of the Perkis system...

that we remove all temptation...

Ohh!

...from your lives. Here.

Dispose of that, Lars.

What?

I'm still your friend.

Come on, give me a hug.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Come on.

Tony believes in you.

Looks like my man's packing.

Drop back, son.

Oh, Tony.

Sir!

I was a Chipmunk last year.

Look.

Dawson,

what are you doing, man?

Well, well, well,

what have we here?

Who would like to own up

to this treasure trove?

Whose wonderful candies

are these?

Oh, look. A deli meat.

You...come here.

Yes, you. Come here.

Don't be frightened.

Just come here.

- I.D. cards.

- Yes, Tony.

Let's see.

"Garner, Gerald.

141 pounds. Age 11."

You didn't have anything

to do with this, did you?

Well...

But I bet you might be able

to tell me who did?

Anyone who brings candy

into this camp...

is not your friend.

He is a destroyer.

Do you understand that,

Gerald Garner?

Do you?

I'm sure your father...

Maury Garner,

wouldn't want to hear...

that his son is a destroyer,

would he?

I don't think so.

Enough. All right.

I'll tell you

whose candy it is.

- Don't do it, Josh!

- Shh! Let the man speak.

The candy belongs

to Seymour Butts.

Seymour Butts?

Who's Seymour Butts?

Who's Seymour Butts?!

Nobody's seen more butts

than you, Uncle Tony!

You picked the wrong man

to mess with.

Ooh.

I didn't know

I was messing with a man!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

We have a comedian!

Hey, I like comedians.

Perhaps I can book you

on a tour.

You the man, Josh!

Good morning, campers.

Joshua Birnbaum

is no longer with us.

His bed is now available.

Josh is all right,

isn't he?

Man, I hope so...

wherever he is.

Sam, did you hear about Josh?

Sorry to hear about

your little friend Josh.

Hey, Gerry. I found out

the truth about Josh.

I heard that

they kicked him out...

and his parents were so mad,

they wouldn't let him come home.

They left him at a bus stop

all alone at midnight.

Well, he's dead.

He pulled a knife on Tony...

and he's locked up in

a juvenile delinquent center.

Now he's living

in the park in New York...

with a guy who has no legs.

No way.

I'm just telling you

what I heard.

Dear Grandma...

someone once said

"War is hell."

They've never been

to fat camp.

I knew

the food would be bad...

but even worse...

today he killed the Blob.

As for the go-karts...

may they rest in pieces.

I'm writing you...

because nobody else

seemed to care.

I did not send you

to go-kart camp.

Attention, campers...

lunch has been canceled today

due to lack of hustle.

Deal with it.

Tony Perkis

tries to lead by example.

This is the eighteenth level

of the Perkis system.

You'll all be doing this

by Labor Day!

All right, do it to it, Lars!

It's my honor, Tony!

- Ohh!

- Crazy!

But we're afraid to follow.

I know each and every one of you

because I was you.

Once a day, the kids

from Camp MVP drive by...

and make fun of us.

You stink! You stink!

You stink!

Good one!

At night,

they vandalize our camp.

At least Josh got out...

where there's food.

We have to resort

to more desperate measures.

Let's get 'em!

I want meat!

I'll save something for you!

Tony's arranged a dance

with the girls' camp...

so he can humiliate us

into losing weight.

Pray for me, Grandma.

Love, Gerry.

# S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y

night #

# S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y,

night #

# Gonna keep on dancin'

to the rock 'n' roll #

# On Saturday night #

# Saturday night #

# Dancin' to the rhythm

in our heart and soul #

# On Saturday night... #

Let's just get out of here.

We can't, man.

They're guarding the door.

# I--I--I--I got a date #

Rock 'n' roll.

# At the good old

rock 'n' roll road show #

Sugar-free punch.

This bites.

How much more

are they gonna subject us to?

Why don't those guys

just lose weight?

Why don't you show them

how to throw up after meals?

- Shut up.

- You shut up.

You guys, stop it.

Team Jerkis strikes again, huh?

Do you think he could've

possibly planned...

for it to be this bad?

Yes.

I have some friends

in Child Welfare.

Tony must be doing something

illegal around here.

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