Hector and the Search for Happiness

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1

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(AIRPLANE HUMMING)

(DRUMBEATS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SLAPPING HAND, PANTING)

Clara!

Hector.

- Morning, sweetheart.

- Morning.

Time to rise, time to shine.

HECTOR:
Mm.

NARRATOR:
Once upon a time,

there was a young psychiatrist

called Hector,

who had a very satisfactory life.

His world was tidy,

uncomplicated...

And he liked it that way.

(SLUSHING)

He took great comfort

in its predictable patterns.

Patterns his girlfriend Clara

was happy to maintain.

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh!

NARRATOR:
Any lapse

was swiftly rectified.

(WINGS FLAPPING)

(BELLS TOLLING)

Hector had a great deal

of patience

for his patients,

if you see what I mean.

Every day, I ask myself,

"How could my marriage

just explode the way it did?"

NARRATOR:
And like

all the best psychiatrists,

he knew how to answer

a question with a question.

Jane, what does exploding

mean to you?

ANJALI:
It's no good.

I have lost my psychic mojo.

Oh, I just can't see

a way out.

All my clients will leave me.

Hector, look at me,

I want the truth.

Do you see my light?

Here.

Please, don't lie to me.

I see your point.

(DOOR BUZZER HUMMING)

NARRATOR:
His patients never

crossed paths with each other.

They couldn't.

Once in a while,

Hector prescribed pills

with funny sounding names.

Roger, have you taken your meds?

I am f***ing Ferrari.

What?

NARRATOR:
Experimenting

until he landed upon

- the one most suitable.

- Roger...

Two fat ladies!

Eighty-eight.

NARRATOR:

His clients always returned.

They gave his name

to their friends

who gave his name

to their friends.

(CAR HONKING)

After all, Hector's rates

were very fair.

They hadn't changed in years.

Okay-

Come to think of it,

neither had Hector.

CLARA'S BOSS:

And if that wasn't enough...

within six days,

our Clara discovers the name

for a companion drug,

which had eluded the marketing

department for six months.

(CHEERING)

Now, that's a talent for words.

But what I love most

about her

is that in the 10 years

that she's been with us,

she has yet to discover

the words "maternity" or "leave."

(LAUGHING, GROANING)

- Clara.

- (CLAPPING)

Thank you, all, so much.

What's in a name?

A glimmer of hope.

A chance for change.

That's right.

A way to alleviate suffering.

It's been five years

since we launched Tranquiline.

Correction. No, it's been

a lifetime for those

- who benefited from it.

- Yeah.

I'm getting emotional.

To Marketing.

- (CHEERING)

- I love you guys!

(CHEERING)

- (PERSIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

- C'est magnifique!

Hit that key.

(CAT-CALLING, JINGLING)

(PERSIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

- (GIGGLING)

- No. No..

Not me. Not me. Oh!

- (CHEERING)

- Come on!

Give them money.

(PERSIAN MUSIC)

(JINGLING, CHEERING)

(SLURRING) Oh, it's...

Yay!

(INAUDIBLE)

"What am I doing?"

(FRENCH ACCENT)

You are intriguing me.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

You are not working

with these people?

Oh, no, I'm Hector.

I'm a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist.

Hello.

You can help me.

Oh, I think not.

But I want a penis.

- A penis.

- You mean happiness.

Everybody want 'appiness

but you cannot own 'appiness.

Yes, sorry.

It's, uh, elusive, yeah.

- You can't touch happiness.

- You cannot touch 'appiness.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

- (LAUGHING)

- FRENCH LADY:
I do!

Listen to me, I want

a penis in my bottom.

(LAUGHING GROGGILY)

No, no, you want happiness

from the bottom of your heart.

That is what I said,

a penis... in my bottom.

(LAUGHING)

Stop it.

HECTOR:
Oh, God!

- Ahh!

- CLARA:
Oh!

(PANTING)

I love my Hector.

I love my Clara.

No, really, I love

my weird-ass-eccentric-

nobody-else-is-like-him Hector.

Promise me you'll never change.

(PANTING)

Thank you for humoring

all my friends.

You know I'd do

the same for you.

- I don't have any friends.

- Of course you do, Hector.

(BUZZING SOUNDS)

Back off, Malcolm.

That's not funny.

Give me your hand.

Oh, no, see?

Nothing. Nope.

I can still, you know, talk

the talk like you do, Hector.

Like the way you answer

a question with a question.

What do you mean?

Yeah, that's it.

"Who's this to?"

- You're so transparent, Hector.

- Am I?

You have your

non-committal nonsense,

I have my new age wealth lie

I can serve up to any client.

"Your mother has had

a hard life."

Tell me what mother

hasn't had a hard life.

Or "You're going

on a journey."

I feel like a fraud.

Don't tell me you don't know

what I'm talking about.

Everyday, you're just going

through the motions,

never being authentic.

Authentic.

You know what, Anjali, I think this

represents some sort of growth.

You know, just be careful that

when you have these visions...

Hallucination.

That the ego might just be

shaping them to its own needs.

Let's try the medication

for another week, shall we?

But the tumor was benign.

Yeah.

No, no, yeah. No.

Yes or no?

Yes.

So, this isn't even

a cancer story.

BEN:
Hector.

You seem a little blue.

Not your usual self.

Is it Roger?

No. No.

Um, actually, Ben,

it's my other patients.

You know, they all like

to think they're hopeless.

That's hopeless.

HECTOR:
Are you happy?

You're breaking up with me,

aren't you?

No! No.

You can't just come out

with a question like that.

You have to build up to it.

You know you have

to have a preamble.

Alright, alright.

I'm sorry.

Do you consider yourself

to be happy?

Alright, look.

Okay.

(STAMMERING)

I've got it, I've got it,

I've got it.

Far be it from me,

and I...

Forgive me for asking,

and I don't mean to pry.

But... do you consider yourself

as a happy person?

Is this because I'm not ready

to be a mother?

- Other hand, please.

- Absolutely not.

- But I've only done the left one.

- Sorry.

This has nothing... nothing to do

with you not being a mother.

I know what you're saying, Hector.

No one wants to live with a person

knowing they'll never be happy.

- So, you're, uh...

- Back in business.

- Yes.

- And you can...

Channel what's to come.

See the future. Yes.

- Mm-hmm.

- Give me your hand.

- Oh, not again.

- Please. Come on.

Wait, are we off the clock?

- Call it even.

- Cool.

But you are getting a bargain.

I charge more than you.

I keep telling you,

you should put up your fees.

You're going on a journey.

Am I?

Be serious.

I am. You are.

To distant lands.

- (THUNDERCLAP, CLUCKING)

- (CRUNCHING)

(RETCHING)

Well, is there anything else?

I see you're at peace.

I see you're happy.

Really?

I see you loving like

you've never loved before.

Wow!

(SIGHING) Yeah, well.

- Maybe in my next life.

- Hector, this is your next life.

- I see you with a dead dog.

- What?

You're a little boy.

You're crying.

Oh, my God!

You were an only child.

- A lonely child, you poor thing.

- Oh, come on.

It makes sense, your life.

How exhausting.

- I see a girl on a beach.

- What do you mean a girl on a...

- Why have you never called her?

- What do you mean call her?

- Are you sterile?

- No, I am not sterile.

No, no, no, wait.

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