Hector and the Search for Happiness Page #2

---

That's not it.

It's your life.

Why am I getting sterility?

Someone is hurting you,

making you angry.

- Time's up.

- It's you.

- Come on.

- It's you. You're making you angry.

Just stop, okay! Stop.

Stop projecting.

I'm not the patient here,

Anjali, come on.

- So exhausting.

- Yes, so exhausting.

I know, I know. Thank you.

See you next week. Thank you.

- (SIGHS IN RELIEF)

- ANJALI:
Who's Agnes?

I can't sell the house,

the cracks are back.

They'd taken it off the menu.

The evening was ruined.

The only reason to go there

was the white pie.

I'm thinking of taking in

other people's laundry.

To get some extra cash

to help pay for the nanny.

(SPEAKING IN MAN'S VOICE)

Otherwise, we're going under.

(SPEAKING IN WOMAN'S VOICE)

I was doing the exercises, but I fell asleep.

And now the sergeant says

I'm not standing straight.

(SPEAKING IN WOMAN'S VOICE)

Nobody brought me a birthday...

(SPEAKING IN MAN'S VOICE)

- Present I actually wanted.

- About the matter of weight...

But his feet

really are a problem.

Nipples just aren't

an erogenous zone for men.

I'm gonna have to cut the nanny

down to five days a week.

- It's an uphill battle.

- I'm at the end of my rope.

The end of your rope.

- The end of your rope!

- Yeah.

I'll give you a rope.

Okay, a child witnessing

his parents gunned down

in a drive-by shooting,

there's a rope!

A midwife in Africa,

trying to deliver babies

with no running water,

that is a rope!

Tintin.

Literally at the end

of his rope.

Does he cut the rope

to save his own life

or does he hold on to stop his friend

from falling to a certain death?

Cut the rope, Tintin!

Cut the rope!

Jane, Jane!

Jane! Jane!

I'm sorry.

I am very, very sorry.

I don't know...

I don't know what came over me.

Same time next week?

Um, I have to take my daughter

sailing for a couple of days.

Yes. Yes, I do remember

you mentioning that.

So, the following week?

I still won't be back.

You said a couple of days.

Yeah.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight... nine.

This is not

a couple of days, okay?

This is ten days holiday.

Jane, f***ing own it!

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(PLANES HUMMING)

Malcolm...

Malcolm, you stupid bastard!

Give me that.

Give me that!

(PLUMMETING)

Oh! Ridiculous!

Euforalan.

Solatun.

As in a ton of sun.

Um, Apollonax.

Oh, no, that's the wrong list.

Oh, that's funny,

that's for August.

Uh, erectile dysfunction.

What do you think, by the way?

Apollonax?

Apollo and his axe?

Hoo!

I need to get away.

Take a trip.

I'm not making my patients

any happier and I just...

I need to do some research.

On what?

Happiness, you know,

so I can help.

Look at my life, Clara,

I just...

I feel like such a fraud.

You know, like

an armchair traveler

dishing out worldly advice.

When?

Soon.

Very soon. Now.

There's no way I can get

the time off, I mean not now.

Not at this time of the year.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I really, really am.

(EXHALING LOUDLY)

Will you be here

when I get back?

How long will you be gone?

(SIGHING) I don't know.

Then I can't answer

the question, can I?

I think you're right, I think

I just went totally off the map

with that whole Tintin reference.

Now, don't get me wrong.

There's real value

to your inner Tintin.

- My what?

- Your inner Tintin.

The Boy Scout in you.

Don't ever lose it.

It's just that...

Well, how can I put this.

Just so long as Tintin

isn't driving the bus.

Where were you thinking of going

on this journey of yours?

I was thinking China.

Oh, China!

(GONG CRASHING)

(CLANGING)

Brilliant.

Sleeves...

- Removable.

- Obviously.

- Trousers, convertible.

- Obviously.

Hat, reversible.

Obviously.

Oh, and in case

of emergencies...

- (BLOWING WHISTLE)

- Oh, God forbid.

Passport, lmodium,

antihistamine, nose strips.

- And remember, avoid dairy.

- Yes.

Got enough socks?

Uh... yes, I think so.

I don't want to over-pack it,

and, you know, it all fits.

Neat and tidy, like us.

- What's like us?

- Tidy.

It's like who we are.

Tidy.

It's like that's our...

agreement, isn't it?

Hector...

I get it.

If you're gonna do this,

do it totally.

Make it worthwhile.

Okay, you have

my permission, alright?

- Really?

- Really. I mean it.

Totally.

Can I help you, sir?

Arms up, please, sir.

(IMITATING AIRPLANE SOUNDS)

- Hey, you sit in my seat.

- Pardon?

I make an Internet booking

weeks ago.

No, no, what are you, 39-D?

Expects you that you

travel on my lap?

Look, there's obviously been

some sort of mix-up.

- I'll do whatever you want.

- Let me go and check.

This way, sir.

- Your seat.

- Okay.

Great.

Sorry, could you move your bag?

Sorry.

Champagne, sir.

- Is the Pope circumcised?

- Uh-hmm.

(CHUCKLING)

Don't you mean...

- Mm.

- Ahh!

Can I please get the champagne

from first class at least?

- A decent one.

- Ah, I doubt it.

This isn't decent?

- Down or memory foam?

- What?

The pillow.

Did you order memory foam?

I forget. Did I?

That's my little joke.

I'm sorry, sir, I'm going

to need to stow your bag.

HECTOR:
Of course.

Please do.

(CLINKING)

- Oh.

- Sorry. I'll get it.

Oh! It's like Twister.

Oh, you've won.

Ah.

Thank you.

Ohh.

Isn't that sweet?

Oh, look at that.

It's a gift from my other half.

She must have snuck it

into my bag and I didn't know.

"Fill these pages."

I will.

(AIRPLANE HUMMING)

(ENGINE ROARING)

- Anything from Duty-Free, sir?

- Oh, yes, please.

Actually, I'd like the keep-it

handy travel candy, please.

- Immigration form?

- Oh, yes, please. Thank you.

(VELCRO RIPPING)

Give it back.

- It costs more than your car.

- Thank you.

(GLASS CLINKING)

- Sorry.

- Don't worry, sir.

- The glass is unbreakable.

- Ah. Very clever.

Unbreakable.

(CLINKING)

Unbreakable.

Hmm.

- (SHATTERING)

- Oi.

Uh, sorry, um...

Are you sure there's no room

in first class?

I'm sorry, sir.

- Wife?

- Old flame, university.

We all got one of those.

First time in China?

- Yeah.

- Business or pleasure?

Research, actually.

I'm a psychiatrist.

I want to know

what makes people happy.

(CHUCKLING)

(AIRPLANE ENGINE ROARING)

Hector.

Edward.

Watch yourself.

Okay-

(HORNS HONKING)

EDWARD:
Thank you.

Oh.

That f***er's got my f***ing pen.

Edward!

I still got your pen.

- (SHOUTING)

- (SPEAKING IN CHINESE)

Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Alright.

Wait.

(CALLING)

I can't thank you enough.

So, where are you staying?

At the Marriott.

The Marriott for happy?

Well, it's central.

Why, have you got

any other suggestions?

Let me show you happy.

(CHINESE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(CHUCKLING)

Whoever said

money can't buy happiness.

F*** you.

(CHUCKLING)

This is incredible.

This is incredible.

Just incredible, the whole thing.

The meal, my room.

Edward, I'm just...

I'm curious, okay?

Far be it from me,

and forgive me for asking.

- And I don't mean to pry.

- Time is money. Spit it out.

- Right. Are you happy?

- When you work as much as I do,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes