Hello, Dolly!

(train approaching)

(train whistle)

(police whistle)

(trolley bell)

(singing) Call on Dolly

If your neighbour needs a new romance

Just name the kind of man

your sister wants, and she'll snatch him up

Don't forget to bring your maiden aunts

and she'll match 'em up

Call on

"Mrs. Dolly Levi."

She's the one the spinsters recommend

She even found a lovely bride

for poor cousin Isadore

"Social introductions arranged."

Drag your single relations out

In a week you'll have to

send engraved invitations out

"I n an atmosphere of elegance

and refinement."

Call on Dolly

"Object:
matrimony."

If your eldest daughter needs a friend

Just name the kind of man your sister

wants, and she'll snatch him up

Don't forget to bring your maiden aunts

and she'll match 'em up

Call on Dolly

If your eldest daughter needs a friend

I have always been a woman

who arranges things

For the pleasure and the profit it derives

I have always been a woman

who arranges things

Like furniture and daffodils and lives

If you want your sister courted,

brother wed or cheese imported

Just leave everything to me

If you want your roof inspected,

eyebrows tweezed or bills collected

Just leave everything to me

If you want your daughter dated,

or some marriage consummated

For a rather modest fee

If you want a husband spotted,

boyfriend traced or chicken potted

I'll arrange for making all arrangements

Just leave everything to me

- Business or pleasure, Mrs. Levi?

- Mr. Jones, business is always a pleasure.

And you've got more businesses

than a dog has fleas!

As my late husband, Ephraim Levi,

used to say:

"If you have to live from hand to mouth,

you better be ambidextrous!"

If you want your ego bolstered,

muscles toned or chair upholstered

Just leave everything to me

Charming social introductions,

expert mandolin instructions

Just leave everything to me

If you want your culture rounded,

French improved or torso pounded

With a ten-year guarantee

If you want a birth recorded,

collies bred or kittens boarded

I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure

Just leave everything to me

- Where to, Dolly?

- Yonkers.

To handle a highly personal

matter for Mr. Vandergelder,

the well-known

unmarried half-a-millionaire.

- Gonna marry him yourself?

- Why, Mr. Sullivan,

whatever put such

a preposterous idea into my head?

Your head.

If you want a law abolished,

jury swayed or toenails polished

Just leave everything to me

If you want your liver tested,

glasses made, cash invested

Just leave everything to me

If you want your children coddled,

corsets boned or furs remodelled

Or some nice, fresh fricassee

If you want your bustle shifted,

wedding planned or bosom lifted

Don't be ashamed, girls!

Life is full of secrets and I keep 'em!

I'll discreetly use my own discretion

I'll arrange for making all arrangements

I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure

Just leave everything

To me

- And I'm telling you that I will marry her!

- Not without my permission, you won't!

This is a free country,

not a private kingdom.

She's consented and I'll marry her.

- I'm telling you that you won't.

- I'm telling you I will.

- Never.

- Tomorrow. Today.

Ermengarde is not for you.

You can't support her. You are an artist.

- I make a good living.

- A living, Mr. Kemper,

is made by selling something that

everybody needs at least once a year.

And a million is made by producing

something everybody needs every day.

You artists, you painters, produce

nothing that nobody needs, never.

You might as well know,

any way we can find to get married

is right and fair and we'll do it.

You are an impractical,

seven-foot-tall nincompoop.

- That's an insult.

- All the facts about you are insults.

- Thank you for the honour of your visit.

- Ermengarde is of age and there's no law...

Law? The law is there to prevent crime. Men

of sense are there to prevent foolishness.

It is I that will prevent you

from marrying my niece.

And I've already taken the necessary steps.

Mrs. Dolly Levi is on her way here even now.

Dolly Levi? Your marriage broker?

Never mind that. She'll pick up Ermengarde

and take her to New York,

and keep her there

until this foolishness is over.

- We'll see about that.

- Thank you again for the honour...

You have to sit still, Mr. Vandergelder.

If I cut your throat

it will be practically unintentional.

and the rest are

in great danger of contamination.

Enough of this.

I'm a busy man with things to do.

A scraped chin is the least of them.

I did the best I could, Mr. Vandergelder.

- Joe.

- Yes?

I've got special reasons

for looking my best today.

Is there something a little extra

you can do? A little special?

What?

You know, do some of those things

you do to the young fellas.

Smarten me up a little bit.

Face massage. A little perfume water.

All I know is 15 cents' worth, like usual,

and that includes all that's decent to do.

Listen, I don't want you blabbing this,

but I need something extra today

because I'm going to New York

to call on a very refined lady,

name of Miss Irene Molloy.

Your callin' on ladies is none

of my business, Mr. Vandergelder.

- Hold your horses, Joe.

- Uncle Horace!

- Uncle Horace!

- Yes, what is it?

- What have you done to Ambrose?

- I had a quiet talk with him.

- You did?

- Yes, I explained to him that he's a fool.

- Oh, Uncle!

- Weeping, weeping - a waste of water.

I've done you a good turn.

You'll thank me when you're 50.

But, Uncle, I love him.

Save your tears for New York,

where they won't be noticed.

- But I love him!

- You don't.

- But I do!

- Leave those things to me.

If I don't marry Ambrose, I know I'll die!

- Of what?

- A broken heart.

Never heard of it. Are you ready

for Mrs. Levi when she comes?

Yes.

Well, get ready some more and

stay in your room until she arrives.

(Ermengarde sobs)

Cornelius!

Barnaby!

Barnaby!

Cornelius! Barnaby!

- You stamped, Mr. Vandergelder?

- Yes, I stamped.

Are my niece's bags at the railroad station?

- Yes.

- And you, did you label them properly?

- Yes.

- Good.

I'm going to New York

on important business,

then I'll be marching in the parade.

- Yes, Mr. Vandergelder.

- I'm planning to stay at the Central Hotel.

We've never been here alone,

Mr. Vandergelder.

Now, in honour of the occasion, I'll promote

you both. Cornelius, how old are you?

Is that all? That's a foolish age

to be at. I thought you were 40.

No, I'm 28.

Well, a man's not worth a cent till he's 40.

We pay him wages until then

to make mistakes.

- Anyway, I'm promoting you to chief clerk.

- Chief clerk?

- Yes.

- Well, what am I now?

You're an impertinent fool. If you behave,

I'll promote you from fool to chief clerk,

with a raise in your wages.

Thank you, Mr. Vandergelder.

You, Barnaby, I'm promoting you from

idiot apprentice to incompetent clerk.

- Thank you, Mr. Vandergelder.

- Mr. Vandergelder? Mr. Vandergelder?

What is it?

Does the chief clerk get

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