Hello, Dolly! Page #2

one evening off a week?

So that's how you thank me, eh?

No, sir. You'll attend to the store as usual.

You keep on asking for evenings free

and you'll find you have all your days free.

Yes, Mr. Vandergelder.

And when I come back I wanna hear

that you ran the place perfectly.

If I hear of any foolishness, I'll fire you both.

(both) Yes.

You might as well know it now.

When I return there will be

some changes around here.

- You're going to have a mistress.

- I'm too young, Mr. Vandergelder.

Not yours, idiot. Mine. I mean,

I'm planning to get married.

- Married?

- Yes, married. Any objections?

No, but...

No, many congratulations,

Mr. Vandergelder.

- And to the lady.

- That's none of your business.

- Any questions?

- No, but...

- But what?

- But I mean...

- Speak up.

- Why?

- Why what, damn it! Speak up!

- Why are you getting married?

Let me tell you something, son.

I've worked hard and I've become

rich and friendless and mean.

And in America it's about

as far as you can go.

It's time to be doing

something a little bit foolish.

Besides, I need a steady housekeeper.

It takes a woman, all powdered and pink

To joyously clean out the drain in the sink

And it takes an angel

with long, golden lashes

And soft Dresden fingers

for dumping the ashes

Yes, it takes a woman, a dainty woman

A sweetheart, a mistress, a wife

Oh, yes, it takes a woman

A fragile woman

To bring you the sweet things in life

The frail young maiden,

who's constantly there

For washing and blueing,

and shoeing the mare

And it takes a female for setting the table

And weaning the Guernsey

and cleaning the stable

Yes, it takes a woman

A dainty woman

A sweetheart, a mistress, a wife

Oh, yes, it takes a woman

A fragile woman

To bring you the sweet things in life

And so she'll work until infinity

Three cheers for femininity

(horse neighs)

God bless fem-i-nin-i-ty

And in the winter she'll shovel the ice

And lovingly set out the traps for the mice

She's a joy and treasure

for, practically speaking,

To whom can you turn

when the plumbing is leaking?

To that dainty woman

That fragile woman

That sweetheart, that mistress, that wife

That womanly wife

Oh, yes, it takes a woman

A husky woman

To bring you the sweet things in life

Oh, yes, it takes a woman

A dainty woman

A sweetheart, a mistress, a wife

Oh, yes, it takes a woman

A fragile woman

To bring you the sweet things in life

(Dolly) Well, well, well, well, well.

Good morning, Mr. Vandergelder.

Mr. Hackl. Mr. Tucker.

- Gentlemen.

- Good morning, ma'am.

Uh, morning, Mrs. Levi.

How handsome you look today. Ooh,

you absolutely take my breath away.

Ermengarde is crying her eyes out.

You can take her to New York,

but blow her nose first.

If only Irene Molloy could see you now.

Find someplace else to loaf. And you two

get back to the store. Go on!

And don't forget to put

the lid on the sheep dip.

I don't know what's come over you lately,

but you seem to be growing

younger every day.

Well, if a man eats careful, there's

no reason why he should look old.

- You never said a truer word.

- Even if I never see 40... uh, 35, again.

that will be stamping about at 100,

eating five meals a day, like

my Uncle Harry, may he rest in peace.

Let me see your hand, Mr. Vandergelder.

Oh, show me your hand.

- Why?

- I'm a judge of hands. I read hands.

- And I use them to get things done.

- Oh! Lord in heaven! Goodness gracious!

Oh, I just can't believe it.

It's such a long lifeline.

- Where?

- From here I don't know where it goes.

It runs right off your hand.

They'll have to hit you with a mallet.

They'll have to stifle you with

a sofa pillow. You'll bury us all.

I will?

Say, you're all spiffed up

today, aren't you?

- Yes.

- And not for this smelly horse, either.

Well, if I had to guess,

I'd say you was goin' somewhere.

Remarkable, Mrs. Levi. How do you do it?

Two and two is four, Mr. Vandergelder.

With a head like yours

you'll be a rich woman someday.

That's exactly what I had in mind.

Then I suggest you go about your

business and pick up Ermengarde,

- for which I am paying you good money.

- Speaking of business, Mr. Vandergelder,

I suppose you've given up

all idea of getting married?

- Is that what you suppose?

- Uh-huh.

Then suppose you listen to this, Mrs. Levi.

I've decided I've practically decided

to ask Irene Molloy to be my wife.

- You have?

- Yes, I have.

I'm going to New York and discuss it

with her this very afternoon.

Well, that is just about the best news

I have ever heard, Mr. Vandergelder.

Oh, yes, indeed. Marvellous news.

Oh, dear me. Isn't it wonderful?

I mean, I'm racking my brain, trying to

think of something that's made me happier,

but I just can't come up with a thing,

because this is just too wonderful.

Well, it's all your fault, you know.

You put me into this marryin' frame of mind

with all your introductions and scheming.

- A widow has to earn a living.

- One day I wake up

- and the house seems like an empty shell.

- Certainly is.

- And messy, too.

- Certainly is.

A man needs someone

to take out the garbage.

And Irene Molloy's just the one

to do it. Oh, darling girl.

Well, I think it's perfectly wonderful

what's going to happen in your household.

I never did like the idea of all that money

of yours lying around in piles in the bank,

so useless and motionless. As my late

husband, Ephraim Levi, used to say:

"Money should circulate like rainwater."

"It should flow down among the people,

through little dressmakers and restaurants,

setting up a business here,

furnishing a good time there."

I just know that you and Mrs. Vandergelder

will see that all your hard-earned wealth

starts flowing in and around

many people's lives, just flowing...

- All right. Stop saying that!

- Pouring out...

So there's nothing more for me to do

but wish you happiness

- and say goodbye.

- Yes, well, goodbye.

And when I get to New York,

I'll tell the girl I had lined up for you,

the heiress, not to wait.

- What did you say?

- Oh, nothing, nothing. A word. "Heiress."

Well, just a minute. That's kind of

unusual, isn't it, Mrs. Levi?

Well, I haven't been wearing myself to the

bone hunting up usual girls to interest you.

But now all that's too late.

You're engaged to marry Irene Molloy.

- I am not engaged.

- I cannot keep upsetting

the finest women around

unless you mean business.

- Who said I don't mean business?

- You're playing a very dangerous game.

- Dangerous?

- Of course it's dangerous. It's called

"tampering with a woman's affections".

The only way to save yourself

from that charge

is to get married

to someone soon, very soon.

- Don't worry.

- I won't.

I'll meet you in front of

Irene Molloy's hat shop at 2. 30.

- Never mind. You've done your work.

- I wouldn't miss it for the world.

I want to be there to make sure

nothing goes wrong.

Just tend to Ermengarde or else I'll ask

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