Hello, My Name Is Frank

( Music playing )

I never knew hate

( shot rings out )

( Muffled elevated heartbeat )

( Gasping )

Girl:

Frank!

Frank! Frank! Frank!

Please, somebody dial 911.

Man:
Apply pressure

to his shoulder.

Hold on, frank!

Man:
( Narrating )

Well, this is ironic.

What an a**hole I've been.

Used a disability

to hide from the world.

Look at me.

Gasping for my life.

When, during all of my 59 years,

I was already in a box

just waiting to die.

Maybe if I'd just...

( Sighs )

Here you

come along

I take a breath

and remind myself

that I, too, can be strong

thought I was cool

turns out I'm a fool

clearly

you've proved me wrong

I didn't know

what I was missing

when I was alone

and now I'm fruitlessly

waiting for

someone not thinking

before they start rushing

to my door

someone to run not walk

oh, someone to sing not talk

oh, no hesitation at all

sometimes

I need you to be

the one to call

well, I'm lost

in my thoughts

they tumble ahead

over and over again

yeah, it's true

just take a look

at what's been done to me

( vocalizing )

Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.

Well, you can't stay here.

This is no kind of home

for a teenage girl.

You need to be

with a proper family.

Frank is not

your responsibility.

I appreciate your help,

but we'll be just fine.

What we're trying to say

is we want you

to come live with us,

don't we dear?

( Clears throat )

We... we'll...

Well, we want

to take care of you,

pay for your college,

buy you a car,

give you some fun money.

You wouldn't have to worry

about work or bills.

You could be

young and carefree for once.

Your mama and I were very close.

We went to the same church,

lived on the same block.

We did everything together.

I just want to make sure

you're taken care of.

You don't have to worry

about me.

- Really.

- Well,

you've been taking care

of others for too long.

First your mama

when she was sick

and now frank.

Hello, we haven't met.

No. I'm Louise.

I'm Cathy's cousin.

And this is my husband, Doyle.

B*tch!

( Clears throat )

You must be frank.

Cathy and I have

talked a lot about you

the last couple of months

and about Laura.

I was just talking to Laura

about her future.

Shut up, b*tch.

- It's just a tick.

- Sorry.

Laura's gonna be

all taken care of.

I see.

And what about you, frank?

Do you have somebody new

to take care of you?

- Ah, no.

- Yes.

I... I don't need

a... a new caretaker.

I'm finding him

a new caretaker very soon.

I just hope

you're not expecting Laura

to take care of you?

Oh, no one needs to worry about.

Laura's future or... or mine.

Stupid b*tch!

Ugh, sorry.

Look, um...

I appreciate your offer,

but I can take care

of things myself.

- ( Clanging ) - Frank: (

Screams ) Son of a b*tch!

( Screaming continues )

And what about college?

I'll have him settled

before I go.

Uh-huh.

Doyle, honey, could you get me

some more wine?

- Of course.

- Quite a bit of it.

All right.

( Mixed chatter )

Yeah!

- Frank!

- Yeah!

You will stop it now.

- ( Kids laughing )

- ( Door slams shut )

Oh...

( Yells out )

( Grunting )

Slow down.

I didn't bake that many.

Why? Chocolate makes

everything better.

Yeah, it's chocolate all right.

- Hmm.

- Will you quit eating them?

I made them for Laura.

I shouldn't feel better,

though, should I?

I mean, Laura's mom is dead.

- Hey.

- Oh, my god.

Laura, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my god.

I just said "oh, my god."

Oh, my god.

I can't stop swearing.

- What's the matter with me?

- You're high.

- Calm down.

- ( Laura laughs )

What?

There's pot in the brownies.

- Oh, my god.

- ( Giggles )

You okay?

Hey, we can always

postpone the trip.

- Until you're ready.

- Yeah, Laura,

Stacy would totally understand.

No, I promised my mom

I would go.

I know.

We can celebrate Stacy's

18th birthday here.

Yeah, that sounds cool.

We can go to all the places

that she liked the best.

We can do all

of her favorite things.

No, I promised my mom

I would go on this trip.

She really thought

it would be good for frank

and, I don't know,

force him to take care

of himself or something.

And we all promised Stacy.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

( Both laughing )

It's yours.

I... I want you to have it.

- I can't take this.

- No, I want you... you...

- You take it.

- No, frank, I can't...

- No, frank.

- I want...

- Hey.

- ( Grunts )

How does the pot

get inside the brownies?

- Frank.

- B*tch!

- ( Barks )

- Frank?

- Me back.

- ( Bat clanks )

Oh.

Frank was trying to give me

his Mickey mantle bat.

Really, frank?

Why would you do that?

Who knows what kind of

crazy caretaker

you're gonna line up?

I don't want my bat stolen

and sold for coke money!

( Barks )

Well, I promise not to hire

a cokehead.

Besides, Meth's the drug

of choice these days.

Why were you trying to give me

your bat, frank?

Ray, I told you

I want you to have it.

( Sighs )

Well then,

I guess I will take the bat.

No, when the time comes.

If your time comes before mine.

It'd be a lot easier

if you take it now.

Why now?

I mean, are you really afraid

that someone will steal it?

( Music playing )

I know what you want

and I know what you need

this can't be happening

to us

but I'll help you

try to fill

everyone's empty pail

if everything's

second best to none

where hope

is a lot like a rope

you're tangled

before you let go

I ripped up the canvas

that painted our sadness

I know you're my friend

not my foe

whoa, ho

Damn it, frank!

( sobbing ) No!

And hope

is a lot like a rope

you're tangled

before you get choked

I ripped up the canvas

that painted our sadness

I know you're my friend

not my foe, whoa

nope.

( sobbing )

( Yells out ) Ah, f***er!

Ah, f***.

Laura:

I got it.

I... I can do this.

You don't have to worry

about me.

Your... your mother

didn't always take care

of me, you know?

Hell, there was that time

when I took care of both of you.

Oh, so I've heard.

( Slurps, spits )

B*tch! Ow! Ow!

We're gonna get you

someone good, frank.

You're just like your mother.

You worry too much.

Good night, frank.

( TV playing )

Hi, I was calling to setup

an interview

for the caretaker position

you applied for.

( Snorts )

I'm gonna need

the television every night

between primetime

and 2:
00 A.M.

I run a very successful

recap blog.

You remind me

of my late husband.

I don't cook or clean.

Just care take.

Dude, we are gonna kill it

when we hang out

at the skate park.

- Dude.

- Dude!

Yeah, this could

really work out.

But just so you know,

I don't clean or do laundry

with store bought chemicals.

- I'm allergic.

- F*** you!

Whew! Oh...

( Chuckles )

( Laughs ) It's lavender.

It'll calm him down.

Can I get paid in advance?

Yeah, and can I borrow

your car, too?

You have to talk to her

about the car.

I can't drive.

- Thank you for your time.

- Ah.

( Thick accent )

A rose and, uh...

Have you ever been on a cruise?

No, no.

Yeah, this sounds great,

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