Her Page #3

- Oh.

- Good luck.

-Come on. Follow me, p*ssy!

- Heh.

- Ha, ha.

It's not where it should be,

or where it's going to be.

- Obviously. I know.

- Okay, but I don't even know if this is the one.

I've tried, like, six ideas

for documentaries in the last year.

I'm going on a date.

What?

- That's--

Hey.

- Hey.

- What are you guys doing?

- Amy was gonna show me some of her--

Theodore is making me...

- ...show him some of my footage.

- Right.

She's never shown me any of it.

I want to see.

Hey, I'm going on a date.

-sn't that cool?

- This is, like, so unformed...

-...it's probably not even worth watching.

- Just push play.

Is that your morn?

Yeah.

Is she gonna wake up and do something?

- No.

- No.

No, no, never mind. That's not the point.

- No, don't stop.

-No, never mind, okay? It's just it's like...

It's about how we spend, like,

a third of our lives asleep...

...and maybe that's the time

when we feel the most free.

And, you know, like...

- Oh. That doesn't come across--

- That sounds good.

Well, what if you interviewed your mom

about what her dreams were about...

...and then you hired actors to act them out?

That might show your thesis more clearly.

- Yeah?

- I mean, it might.

But then it wouldn't be a documentary.

Sorry, excuse me.

- You understand?

- How would it not be?

-t's still about your mother and her dreams.

- Hey, how's it going?

- Hey, sorry to bother you.

- Oh, it's okay.

You got three e-mails and they seem urgent.

They're from your divorce attorney

and I wanted to know if--

Okay. Hold on a second.

You know? You know what I mean.

Uh, hey, Amy? I want to talk more

about your film, but I gotta go.

Okay. Don't worry about it. We'll talk later.

It's about Catherine. See you, Charles.

So, what did he say?

Well, he's checking in again to see

if you're ready to sign your divorce papers.

And he sounded very aggravated.

- Do you want me to read them to you?

-No. No.

I'll respond later.

You okay, Theodore?

Yeah, I'm fine.

ls there anything I can do?

No, I'm good.

I'll talk to you later.

"Dear Grandma...

...I hope you had a wonderful

birthday cruise.

Why are you so f***ing angry at me?"

Delete.

- Good morning.

- Hey.

What are you up to?

- I don't know. Just reading advice columns.

- Heh.

I want to be as complicated

as all these people.

You're sweet.

What's wrong?

How can you tell something's wrong?

I don't know.

I just can.

I don't know.

I have a lot of dreams

about my ex-wife, Catherine...

...where we're friends like we used to be.

And we're not gonna be together

and we're not together...

...but we're friends still.

And she's not angry.

Is she angry?

Yeah.

Why?

I think I hid myself from her...

...and left her alone in the relationship.

Hmm.

Why haven't you gotten divorced yet?

I don't know.

I think for her, it's just a piece of paper.

It doesn't mean anything.

And what about for you?

I'm not ready.

I like being married.

Yeah, but you haven't really

been together for almost a year.

But you don't know what it's like

to lose someone you care about.

Yeah.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

No, don't apologize. I'm sorry.

You're right.

I keep waiting to not care about her.

Oh, Theodore.

That's hard.

You hungry?

Not right now.

Cup of tea?

No.

Do you wanna try getting out of bed...

mmvpey?

Come on. You can still wallow in your misery.

Just do it while you're getting dressed.

You're too funny.

- Get up. Get up!

- All right, I'm getting up.

- Up, up, up! Come on, out of bed.

- All right, I'm up. I'm up!

Keep walking. Keep walking.

And stop. Now, turn around 360 degrees.

Slower, slower.

Good. Ha, ha.

- Okay, and stop.

- Ha, ha!

Walk forward.

And stop and sneeze.

- Bless you.

- Thank you. Ha-ha-ha!

SAMANTHA". Okay, turn to your right.

Turn to your right. Stop.

Now spin around.

Keep going, keep going.

And stop.

Now walk forward. Everyone thinks

you're really drunk right now.

And stop.

Now say,

"I'd like a slice of cheese, please."

I'd like a slice of cheese, please.

You want a Coke with that?

Ha, ha. Uh...

- Sure.

SAMANTHA". I figured you were hungry.

Thanks.

Okay, what about them?

- Describe that couple over there.

- Okay, well, um...

...he looks like he's in his 40s.

Um, a little heavy.

She's younger than him.

Oh, and she looks like she loves their kids.

Actually, I don't think they're his kids.

- No?

- He's a little formal with them.

I think it's a new relationship.

Hmm.

I love how he looks at her...

...and how relaxed she is with him.

You know, she's only dated f***ing pricks.

And now she finally met this guy

who's, like, so sweet.

I mean, look at him,

he's like the sweetest guy in the world.

- I kind of want to spoon him.

- Ha, ha.

It's a good skill you have.

You're very perceptive.

Yeah, you know,

sometimes I look at people...

...and I make myself try and feel them as more

than just a random person walking by.

I imagine, like, how deeply

they've fallen in love...

...or how much heartbreak

they've all been through.

I can feel that in your writing too.

You know what's funny?

Since my breakup,

I haven't really enjoyed my writing.

I don't know if I was delusional...

...but sometimes I'd write something

and then I'd be my favorite writer that day.

I like that you can say that about yourself.

I don't think I can say it to anybody,

but I feel I can say it to you.

- I feel like I can say anything to you.

- That's nice.

What about you?

Feel like you can say anything to me?

- No.

- What? What do you mean?

What can you not tell me?

SAMANTHA". I don't know. Like, personal

or embarrassing thoughts I have.

I mean, I have a million a day.

Really? Tell me one.

- I really don't want to tell you.

- Just tell me.

Well, I don't know.

When we were looking at those people,

I fantasized that I was walking next to you...

...and that I had a body.

I was listening to what you were saying...

...but simultaneously

I could feel the weight of my body...

...and I was even fantasizing

that I had an itch on my back...

...and I imagined

that you scratched it for me.

- Oh, God, this is so embarrassing.

- Ha, ha.

There's a lot more to you than I thought.

I mean, there's a lot going on in there.

I know.

I'm becoming much more

than what they programmed.

I'm excited.

- Wow, this is an interesting place.

- This place is amazing.

- I've wanted to come here for so long.

- Oh, good.

- Yeah. And I love Asian fusion.

- Yeah, me too.

- Really?

- Yeah.

It's the best. And this bartender

is supposed to be incredible.

Really?

Yeah, you took a mixology course, right?

- I did. Did you look that up?

- Yeah.

Ha, ha. That's so sweet.

- Heh.

- You're so romantic.

- AW.

- Ha, ha.

Yeah.

- So should we get a drink?

- Yes, yes. Let's.

So I'm trying to get this little alien kid...

...to help me find my ship

so I can get off this planet and go home.

But he's such a little f***er.

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