Her Page #5

...what if your butthole was in your armpit?

Well, I'm trying to imagine

what toilets would look like.

SAMANTHA". Yeah, and what about

what anal sex would look like?

That's an interesting thought.

Hey, look at this drawing I just made.

You are insane.

- Really?

- Definitely.

Fantastic.

That's pretty. What is that?

I'm trying to write a piece of music...

...that's about what it feels like

to be on the beach with you right now.

I think you captured it.

So, what was it like being married?

Well, it's hard for sure.

But there's something that feels so good

about sharing your life with somebody.

How do you share your life

with somebody?

Well, we grew up together.

You know, I used to read all of her writing,

all through her Master's and PhD.

She read every word I ever wrote.

We were a big influence on each other.

In what way did you influence her?

She came from a background

where nothing was ever good enough.

And that was something

that weighed heavy on her.

But in our house together,

there was a sense of just trying stuff...

...and allowing each other to fail

and to be excited about things.

That was liberating for her.

It was exciting to see her grow...

...and both of us grow and change together.

But, you know, that's also the hard part.

Growing without growing apart.

Or changing without it scaring

the other person.

I still find myself having conversations

with her in my mind.

Rehashing old arguments and defending myself

against something she said about me.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Last week my feelings were hurt

by something you said before.

That I don't know what it's like

to lose something--

- Aw, I'm sorry I said that.

- No, it's okay. It's okay. I just...

I caught myself thinking about it

over and over.

And then I realized that I was simply...

...remembering it as something

that was wrong with me.

That was a story I was telling myself,

that I was somehow inferior.

Isn't that interesting?

The past is just a story we tell ourselves.

"Roberto.

Will you always come home to me

and tell me about your day?

Tell me about the guy at work

who talked too much.

The stain you got on your shirt at lunch.

Tell me about a funny thought you had when

you were waking up but had forgotten about.

Tell me how crazy everyone is,

and we can laugh about it.

Even if you get home late

and I'm already asleep...

...just whisper in my ear

one little thought you had today.

Because I love the way

you look at the world.

I'm so happy I get to be next to you

and look at the world through your eyes.

Love, Maria."

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

I wish somebody would love me like that.

I hope he's really stoked

to get a letter like that.

Like, if it was from a chick...

...but written by a dude

and it's still from a chick...

...that would still be sick.

But it would have to be a sensitive dude.

- It would have to be, like, a dude like you.

- Mm-hm.

- You are part man and part woman.

- Mm-hm.

Like there's an inner part that's woman.

Thank you.

It's a compliment.

- Ha, ha.

- Theo! Hey.

- What's going on?

- I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. I'm really good, actually.

Really? That's good, that's great.

- Yeah.

- Wow, that's really good.

Yeah, I guess I've just been having fun.

Well, I am so glad for you.

You really deserve that. You do.

Yeah, I've just been seeing this girl.

And it's not serious, but it's just...

It's good to be around somebody

that's, like, excited about the world.

Like, I kind of forgot that that existed.

That's-- Wow, that's really great.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. Um...

No, I'm not okay, actually.

- Why? What happened?

- Because I just, um...

Charles and I split up.

What?

- Yeah.

- Really?

Oh, God. Oh, my God, Amy.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

You know, just like after eight years...

...I can't believe how petty the argument was

that actually ended it.

We came home and he told me

to, um, put my shoes by the door...

...where he liked to put the shoes.

And I didn't want to be told

where to put my f***ing shoes.

I wanted to sit on the sofa

and relax for a second.

So we fought about that for,

like, 10 minutes.

And I'm like, "You are overwhelming,"

and he said, "I'm just trying to make a home."

I was like, "I'm f***ing trying, you know?"

And he's like, "You're not trying."

All I'm doing is trying,

but I'm not trying the way he wants...

...and he's, like, trying to control

the way that I'm trying.

t's-- We've had that argument, like,

100 times.

And I just had to finally stop, you know?

I had to finally stop.

I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't...

I couldn't be in that place anymore...

...where we just made each other

feel like sh*t about ourselves.

- Yeah.

- And so I said:

"I'm going to bed

and I don't want to be married anymore."

Wow.

Yeah, I know.

- I'm a b*tch. Right?

- Heh.No.

- I am. No, I'm a b*tch.

- Not at all.

Amy, no.

Sh*t.

I have to work tonight.

We're shipping a beta

of a new game out tomorrow.

How's that? How's work, at least?

Is that any better?

No, it's terrible.

I know, I should leave.

I've been thinking about leaving,

but, you know...

...only one major life decision at a time.

Well, I'm glad things are looking so up.

StOp!

- Hey, you want to hear a joke?

Mm-hm.

What does a baby computer call its father?

- I don't know. What?

-"Data."

It's good, right?

Brilliant.

Hey, I was curious.

Did you and Amy ever go out?

For like a minute in college,

but it just wasn't right.

WhY? Are you jealous?

Well, obviously.

But I'm happy that you have friends

in your life that care about you so much.

- That's really important.

- Yeah, it is.

She's been a really good friend.

Uh, I'm tired.

I think I'm gonna go to sleep.

Okay-

Can I watch you sleep again tonight?

Yeah, of course. Hold on.

I'm gonna be really lonely

when you sleep.

- Only for a minute.

- Heh.

I'll dream of you.

- Okay. Good night.

- Night.

- Hey, Samantha?

- Hey, mister.

- She really loved the dress.

- Really?

- She just went to try it on. Yeah.

- I picked a good one? Good.

- Ah! Hi.

- Oh...

Look how cute that is. Is it comfortable?

- Yep.

llYep!ll

- isn't she cute?

- She's so cute.

- She's adorable.

- I am adorable.

- You are adorable.

- Ha, ha.

Who are you talking to?

- Who are you talking to? Heh.

- You.

I'm talking to my girlfriend, Samantha.

She's the one that picked out the dress.

- Want to say hi? Yeah?

- Mm-hm.

Hi, Samantha.

Hi, you look so pretty in that new pink dress.

Thank you.

Where are you?

I am... Heh.

I don't have a body. I live in a computer.

Why are you living inside a computer?

I have no choice, that's my home.

- Why? Where do you live?

JOCELYN". Um, 'm a house.

In a house?

- t's orange.

- Orange?

Mm-hm.

- How old are you?

- Uh, 4.

- Four?

- Mm-hm.

Wow. How old do you think I am?

- I don't know.

- Take a guess.

Is it 5?

Ha, ha. Yes, it's 5.

Wait, what happened?

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